Abe travels

Abe left for an overnight trip to Philadelphia today, and wow, am I a mess without him. Ammon is the sweetest boy ever, but he is such a handful because he gets into everything (sweetly, of course). I felt demoralized at the prospect of watching him without Abe coming home at 5:30 to take over, and so I went the lazy route and took Ammon to the basement for the evening. He was content to destroy everything in sight while I watched The Imitation Game. It made the time fly! But I still miss Abe. Good thing he gets home tomorrow.

I spent the morning meditating on how much love I wanted to pour into my kids today, and then Lydia’s harp practice happened. Honestly, most of the time I wonder why I lose my temper with her because she is such  a sweet, thoughtful girl. For example, today she made a lovely snack for Mary filled with all of her favorite foods. She is so affectionate and is absolutely the greatest help I could ever imagine with Ammon. She has the most tender heart, and I have never once caught her lying. She is honest, kind and loving.

But then at the harp she transforms into this illogical, atavistic, screaming creature. I am easily triggered by illogical, atavistic, screaming creatures. When we are at the harp, all of the sudden I understand all of my past frustrations and displays of human weakness. I also am very likely to express my rage in inappropriate vocal decibels, and occasionally I even say things I deeply regret afterward. I will probably mourn today’s harp practice as I fall asleep tonight. Sigh.

I wish I had a more positive note to end on, or at least a picture to throw on here. Sadly, Ammon threw my phone down between the couch and the wall during Lydia’s harp practice, and I have not yet retrieved it. When I retrieve it tomorrow, I hope to capture some happy highlights of a hopefully better day!