OCD

My toe was better today! I couldn’t even believe it. I can still feel a little pain, but it got progressively better throughout the day. Right now I am sitting on my foot and can’t feel a thing. I am so, so, so relieved and grateful.

We also had a realization about Lydia today. This evening she spent hours–literally, hours–screaming and crying because we misplaced a green crayon of hers. She has several boxes of crayons, but she was doing a numbers puzzle and wanted to keep the green color consistent. I was frustrated and tried my best to stay out of the way and keep my mouth shut, lest I let her know what I thought of her tantrum.

My mom and Abe were much more accommodating, and at 9pm, Abe finally found a green that matched her green exactly. Then he came to me and said quietly, “We need to be really compassionate towards Lydia. She has OCD.”

The thought that Lydia has OCD has been percolating in my mind for a short while now, and I even told my brother and Swathi this afternoon that I thought she had it. But hearing Abe say that with such certainty switched a lightbulb on in my head. After all, Abe has OCD, so he should know what he’s talking about. Also, knowing that Lydia is dealing with something many grown-ups can’t handle makes me feel automatically a lot more sympathetic.

Normally, her fits drive me absolutely crazy. In fact, I am actively searching for therapist referrals and have about a thousand pages of self-help reading lined up so I can more lovingly deal with her behavior. But tonight was a turning point in my own journey with Lydia. It helps to know that she is even more overwhelmed than we are with what’s going on in her brain.

Also, when she’s not melting down, I have to say that Lydia can be the most delightful child. She has the purest, most sincere, loving heart, and all she wants is to be loved in return. I am hoping that therapy and self-help books can help me better communicate just how much she means to me. She means everything.