Today I made a discovery. I have been feeling really happy all week, and I attribute that to getting off the hamster wheel and getting that break (even though it was marked by illness) in Mexico. Just getting a break from the routine has made my life feel so much more joyful upon return.
So anyway, I was sitting in what is normally my spot of despair, and instead of despair, I felt…happy! joyful! emotionally resilient!! And I had the thought that maybe, just maybe, I could stay in this good place for a while.
The thought occurred to me that one way I can do this is by breaking routine. Mexico broke the routine, and now I’m happy again. Between financial constraints and the homework/music practice grind, it’s hard to break the weekly routine very much. BUT I can break the isolation of motherhood by nurturing–seriously investing–in treasured friendships. To date that has been difficult because I have a hatred of the phone and phone conversations, so many of my beloved friendships have dimmed with time and distance.
Today I let Mary and Ammon play contentedly with each other for two hours while I Facebook chatted with one of my dearest mission companions. We chatted on and off throughout the rest of the day (and in fact have chatted while I have been writing this post) and I just felt so uplifted to have that relationship alive and in my life. We plotted a just-us getaway sometime in the Fall, and I hope it happens.
While I drove around to errands and after school practice, I overcame my aversion of the phone and called another dear friend from my mission. I found out she is going through a horrible divorce, and it made me sick to think of what she is enduring right now. I resolved to just pick up the dang phone more often because you never know what beloved friends might be going through–and this one is often on my mind anyway, so why don’t I call more??? We also talked about getting together soon, and I am going to make sure that happens one way or the other.
Then while we were waiting for Lydia to come out of her harp practice, I took it up a notch from the chatting and phone calling and Face Timed with Swathi. She’s on maternity leave now so I figure I should take advantage of this time and call when I know she might have more free time than normal. I am so lucky to have such an incredible sister in law, and so I should take advantage of opportunities to connect when they arise.
I have several other friends that I plan on calling this coming week, and a couple more that I will try to get together with for play dates. Play dates get so hard once kids are in school, but I feel like I am starting to learn that relationships are just worth the effort. Facebook is fine for feeling like I’m superficially in touch with people, but actual, real, live, back-and-forth communication is needed if I’m going to be able to keep friendships alive.
Anyway, that was my joyful epiphany for the day! I feel so happy, and hopefully with the help of my friends, I will stay in this place!