It’s a couple weeks later when I write this, so I don’t remember all the details. But today (May 24, 2020), I’m reminded yet again, how much I have to be grateful for in Lily. Not only did she cook all day so our family could truly bliss out at dinner, but she recommended a family movie night watching “Wonder”. It was such a touching movie, and I’m so grateful for a wife who brings such amazing content into our home. She cares so much for me, for her mother, for the children. She told me that Mother’s day was a good day for her. That warms my heart. For all she does, for all she gives, she deserved to have a good day on her special day. Her mother too. Lily is a chip off the old block, and they are both angels in my life.
Mary started off the festivities by making breakfast in bed for Lily. I ate most, if not all, of the bread because Lily is dieting. It was such a sweet gesture!
All in all, the name of the game for Mother’s day was to have Lily exert as little as possible. She spent time in her bedroom rejuvenating while I made breakfast, took care of the kids and got our lunch picnic ready. Here are some scenes from the morning.
Weather was beautiful for a picnic. We had fun cheese, crackers, grapes, turkey sandwhiches, and Lydia’s cookies. We took two picnic baskets. One was full of food. The other was full of nice notes from the children to both Lily and Georgia. I also took some time to read yesterday’s blog post (May 9) to Lily.
Georgia was not feeling well, but she decided to power through to join us for lunch. She is so sweet, and it’s amazing how she is always a light, even when she doesn’t feel well. We love her!!!
After the picnic, Clarissa napped and we did home church.
I made a nice salmon dinner with potatoes and corn for everyone for dinner.
After dinner, I likely (hopefully) gave Lily a massage. It’s two weeks later and the details of the day are fuzzy for me now.
The important thing is that Lily said she had a good Mother’s Day.
I love you sweetheart!!!
I also had the opportunity to talk to Suzanne who has been such a beautiful influence in my life. I wrote her a sincere email the day before, but had the blessing to talk to her on the phone. I also wrote my mother a nice email the day before. I love her so much and we didn’t chat today because she said she was traveling and likely wouldn’t have reception. I also wrote Georgia a nice note. Truly my life has been blessed by amazing women.
With mother’s day coming up, I’ve had my heart-beat Lily, on my mind and on my heart. I even shared a lot about her to my therapist this week.
I reported on the inspiration that Lily had to stop forcing Lydia to do the harp, and to make it entirely up to her to decide if she was going to keep doing it or not. Lily gave Lydia a 100 chart and told her that if she filled it by the end of August (25 or so days off allowed) that we would buy her the next harp she needs and keep paying for lessons. With us making it optional, and not forcing her, Lydia has realized it’s up to her. It has become her decision, and in the process, Lydia has become determined to continue, and she does harp consistently now, with no prodding or heartburn from us.
My therapist commented that 9 is the perfect age to give that kind of autonomy to a child. The strategy would not have worked much earlier, and Lily was so inspired to introduce this dynamic right now. It’s a miracle.
I also told Mary-Lou of the Summer Carnival that Lily created for the kids. Mary Lou enthusiastically told me how incredibly impactful she thought such a reward system would be in my children’s development. I agree and have already seen such beautiful fruits from this system that Lily designed.
Toward the end of the call, I told Mary Lou that the only thing that is really hard right now is my faith and my fear that I will lose it if I dig too deep into alternate ways of thinking, or the thoughts of great thinkers who don’t believe in God. I explained to Mary Lou that I anticipate that I will always choose God, and that I will always choose faith and that I truly feel Lily will stand by and support whatever path of faith I personally feel is right for myself. Mary Lou concluded, “Then you have a good woman.” In her eyes, being able to support someone even if you think differently is one of the highest expressions of love. I couldn’t agree more and I have found that in Lily.
Lily is surrounded by inspiration. When I first met her, I was immediately attracted to her, and very quickly fell in-love. Shortly after meeting her, I went on a run on a day when I felt very depressed, and prayed to God that I would bump into her in order to lift my spirits. I took a different route than usual (off a random impression), and I DID BUMP INTO HER. And I walked her home. My outfit was so ridiculous (a running outfit over longjohn garments on the bottom) that made the occasion doubly memorable for both Lily and myself. I walked her home and talked with her. Like many guys, I felt very nervous about commitment so I found myself pushing her away the more attracted I felt because I wasn’t ready to fall in love and commit. I knew where my heart was headed (falling completely for Lily) and I got scared which is why I started to create distance because it was all happening so fast. Then, I had a dream in which I saw my future with Lily in vision. The specific scene I remember seeing is a home full of love, laughter, hearth, and food, and Lily serving food to family and guests around a table. There was an incredible feeling of love, warmth and hearth. Then I heard the voice of God in my dream, “what could you possibly be holding out for?” The essence from the dream was that Lily would be a source of love, hearth, happiness and warmth in my life and that with her would come connection to other people that would bring me joy (and that could not be more true today). I barely knew Lily at that point, but that dream gave me the courage to let go of my resistance, and let my heart keep falling for her. The inspiration was not just happening on my side. When Lily showed up to a church activity and and played volley-ball with me before we really knew each other, the Spirit told her, “your husband is in this room.”
We got married within 8 months of meeting each other.
Every day, every year since then has been full of life, of love, of wonder, of adventure, of knowledge, of kindness, of compassion, of growth, honestly, of happiness. I told Lily the other day (knowing our ten year anniversary is coming up) that if our next ten years of marriage could just be variations on a theme of how our last ten years went, I would be so so happy.
This entry is already getting too long, but here are a few things I want to mention to you Lily. I know mother’s day often throws women into guilt-complexes of how they should be better, or how their not measuring up compared to others. But my prayer is that you think about the self-compassion lessons we just listened to and that as I, the children, Georgia and others share their gratitude and love with you tomorrow, that you truly listen to what we are saying, that you drink it in, and that you see your own beauty and goodness. I pray that women everywhere will see the good in themselves tomorrow and be open and receptive to the loving words of others, and even to give themselves the gift of loving self-talk.
Lily, you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. My heart-beat, my song, my anchor, my love, my angel, these are names I have for you, and you know, because I use them. I would die without you. You lead me to knowledge, to awakening, to love, to comfort, to fun, to growth, to feeling loved and held. Yesterday when I was starting to panic about a work situation, I came upstairs to eat lunch with you, even though I planned to prepare for a stressful work call during that time. I knew being with you would calm me, just like when I called you right before my promotion interview when I was freaking out. You pour your love and your life into me and our children. You do Shakespeare tea-time with Lydia. You created the Summer Carnival. You’ve done years of music lessons. You read and fill your mind with knowledge and wisdom. You love and support your friends. You seek the divine and share with me what you learn. You love and support me. You write. You organize. You forgive me when I need to be forgiven. You help keep our home a place of beauty. You raise your voice when you see injustice. You encourage compassion and service. You massage your mother’s feet and talk to her at night. You are humble and apologize when you you feel you have done wrong. You are gorgeous beyond compare. You fill our home with good food, with compelling thought, with knowledge, with music, with love. You are literally the perfect woman, and I don’t mean perfect, like you never make a mistake or that you don’t have flaws. I mean perfect like I literally would not change one thing about you, even if I could. I love you that much, and you are that beautiful inside and out. Thank you thank you, thank you for being the mother of my children, and the companion to my soul. 🙂
Babysitting Clarissa is one of the things that Lydia can do to earn Summer Carnival money. Here are four videos and a picture of Lydia playing with bubbles with Clarissa.
After work, both Lily and I were feeling so tired. My theory is that we were both dying from high pollen counts. The latest read I could find is from 4 days ago, but I think that’s about when my major fatigue started really hitting. It was very windy and maybe that just stirred up a ton of pollen in the air.
At any rate, I watched the small ones outside for an hour or so while Lily relaxed, and then she repaid the favor later in the evening by dealing with putting kids to bed while I passed out on the coach. I love tag teaming with her!
While I was outside with the children, I caught some adorable pictures and a video. See below!
Lydia had an optional school project to create a container for an egg using only 5 objects and it couldn’t be more than 12 inches by 12 inches. The goal is to drop the egg from a high place and have the egg survive the fall. Lydia looooooved this project. She finished it mid-day, and I’ll bet had a hard time waiting until I was done with work to test it because of how excited she was.
After work, the family gathered to see THE GREAT EGG DROP.
From the sound it makes in the video, you would think that it definitely cracked. Lydia and Lily spend some time getting the egg out from its contraption.
Recently, Lily was telling me about how there is a widespread trend of people recreating famous paintings with nothing, but what they can find around the house. We looked through some websites together and it was soooo fun to see what people came up with. Here are some examples:
As part of the Summer Carnival, Lily told Lydia and Mary that they could do a famous artwork recreation to get a grab-bag. Here is what Lydia and Mary came up with. Lily wants them to recreate it with a better background, but it’s a great start!
This is a very long entry, so here is a short video Google Photos made to sum up the day in 45 seconds if you don’t want to read this whole entry :).
Today was another day off of work and it was magical. I skipped my workout and had two and a half hours of work meetings, but then by about 10:40, I was FREE. I was a bit worn from the morning meetings, but I found my way upstairs and ended up playing Doctor with Ammon and Clarissa. IT WAS ADORABLE to play with them. An added bonus was I got to be the patient first, which meant lying down, and I was tired :).
Here are photos and videos of us playing together.
After playing Doctor, we had lunch (though I fasted. Lily and I have been experimenting a bit with fasting since she read The Obesity Code.) Then I went to the basement and caught up on my personal inbox. While I was doing that, Lydia was upstairs doing her dance class. Here is a photo and four cute videos of her dancing:
After Clarissa woke up, I was feeling happy both because I got a lot done personally (budget, bills, paying taxes, coordinating things, answering emails etc) and because I was so excited about our picnic.
We decide to simplify and drive through Burger King to get Impossible Whoppers for the family and pack them up to the canyon and call that our picnic. Whoppers are very special and nostalgic for me, because they were a go-to for my dad when it was his turn to have us as children. We didn’t have them a ton, but enough to make an impression. Eating Whoppers reminds me of spending time with my dad, and how eating whoppers felt like an occasion. I’ve come to like Impossible Whoppers even more, but they taste so much like the real thing, it still takes me back.
After eating, the kids ran around A LOT. I guess they’ve needed it after being at home during Carona Virus Lockdown.
And I got some enchanting pictures and this cute video of Clarissa:
This photo completely reminds me of the scene in Froze when Anna is trying to climb a cliff Still trying!!!Here Clarissa is answering my question about where her siblings are
Then I took the three youngest kids on a small hike along a trail:
We all had such a good time at the picnic. We got coldstone ice cream on the way home and it was so delicious. Lydia and Mary were being silly with the phone in the back seat and took these pictures and this video.
I was truly happy this day. I love my family so much. I had energy to enjoy them and the weather was perfect. I love love loved this day :).
Lately, Lily has been working on how to help the children be more productive, healthy, happy and balanced now and during the summer given the Covid situation. She caught a beautiful vision of what she called the family economy (now calling it the Summer Carnival) which is a system whereby the children can earn money (and be fined) based on certain behaviors. Here is a link of her sharing how it works over an amazing borsch dinner.
As always, I LOVED her borsch, but I have to say her salmon, creme fresh, and dill mittens stole the show though. They were as delicious as they were cute.
I should also mention that this Summer Carnival is designed by Lily to be not only productive, but also very fun for the children. I think they are very excited. Lydia insisted on accompanying me to the bank (I cleared out ever dollar coin they had, which was 163), and Mary helped me clean the backyard to ear a dollar. Lily got them adorable piggy banks that divide their money into “save” “share” and “spend”.
At times like this I find myself reflecting yet again on how grateful I am for Lily. Not only does she put so much effort into our family, but she is brilliant and fun, and pouring creative energy (like the family carnival) into our family. Our children are so so lucky. I love Lily’s vision with this carnival, and I’ve included her letter to the kids and how it works below.
Dear Kids,
Dad and I are so grateful for each one of you! Observing you in our home is–often–delightful! You are our favorite treasures. We want to take the best care of you we can.
One way we care for you is to provide a childhood full of opportunities to play, learn, grow, and relax. (When you are a grown-up, it is much harder to find time to relax. Relax while you can! But if it’s more fun to play, that’s good too.. Just clean up your messes, please.)
This summer we will not be taking any big family trips, and we probably won’t even take many (any?) day trips. We will spend a lot of time at home.
Since we don’t want you cooking your brains on screens all summer, I have written up a list of activities that you can do to occupy yourselves if you feel bored. Some of these activities are naturally fun (like reading, baking, crafting, etc.). You would probably do them anyway without rewards. But to make them extra fun this summer, you can earn rewards doing these activities. You’re welcome!
There are also activities on this list that require extra effort. I hope you will choose to earn some rewards by growing yourselves through these activities. These activities will enrich and deepen life inside your heads and hearts. When you have knowledge, skills, and interests, life is never boring. There is always something new to learn.
We will pay you to complete these activities because we want you to feel extra motivated to grow yourselves. As you get older, you will feel naturally compelled to pursue purposeful, disciplined personal growth. Humans love to learn! But kids might feel more excited by watching a show than by, for example, the task of memorizing a Mary Oliver poem or Sojourner Truth’s “Ain’t I a Woman?” speech.
To counteract the enticement of screens, we are bribing you to make better choices. Frankly, I don’t know if this is a good thing to do or not. But I also don’t want to make you memorize poems, speeches, or even new dance moves just because I say you have to do these things. I’d rather you feel bought into these challenges, and the best way I can think of that is through money and prizes.
Think of it as our own crazy family carnival. You earn $1 for each activity you complete at any booth. For every $5 earned, you get an item from the grab bag. The different booths in our family are:
Healthy, helpful Habits*
Make your bed every day
Pick up your room completely at the end of each day
Clear your dishes after every meal
Bathe every other day
Wash your hair 3x a week
Clip your nails 1x a week
Put away any laundry Mom puts on top of your dresser the day you find it
1 hour DEAR a day
1 hour of educational computer programs daily 4X a week
30 minutes math 5x a week
*Required but rewarded weekly for completion of ALL tasks. $1 will be subtracted for tasks not completed as described above
Healthy Body
Learn new dance routines
Go a week without sugar
Run a mile without stopping
Hike a mile or more without complaining
If you haven’t yet learned–or have forgotten–learn to ride a bike
Do 30 minutes of yoga
Master a vinyasa yoga sequence
Walk around the block for 30 minutes daily for a week with your oldest sibling (Take Arlo monitoring bunny camera with you. Only applicable to Mary and Lydia.)
Play outside for four hours–no fighting
Go a day without any snacks between meals
10 push-ups every day for a week
Mary: 5 sessions of eye exercises
Mental Health
Meditate every morning and night daily for a week
Set a timer in the middle of the day, sit down, and just breathe (10 minutes)
Keep a daily gratitude journal and write 5 things every day for a week
Don’t fight with your siblings for an entire day (When they make you mad, take a deep breath, remove yourself by heading calmly to a different room in the house. If they follow you, alert your parents calmly and quietly. While the parent deals with your sibling, continue to remove yourself calmly and quietly to a different location.)
7 days of daily nature journaling (quiet observation, detailed illustration, and paragraph of text)
Skill development
Practice your instrument for one hour 5x a week (Complete all tasks assigned by your teacher. Flashcards or work on reviews if you have extra time.)
Spend 30 minutes learning German or Spanish
Bake or cook something new – clean up completely
Crochet a granny square
Crochet a blanket
Embroider something pretty onto a tea towel
Sew a skirt, pajama bottom, or simple dress
Learn to beat box
Bake a cake. Freeze, ice, decorate with piped flowers and clean up completely
Bake a pretty focaccia bread – clean up completely
Plan an imaginary trip (Print a map and highlight the route or highlight the route in one of our atlases. Type out an itinerary with places we will go, where we will stay, and what we will eat. Calculate the cost of each day and provide a total estimate of what the trip will cost. Explain what we will learn or enjoy or endure on this trip.)
Write and illustrate a beautiful, interesting picture book. Should take at least three hours to complete.
Complete a 300 piece puzzle and don’t lose any pieces
Babysit Clarissa or Ammon without using a screen for one hour
Idea Ingestion — each of these qualifies as ONE GRAB BAG!!
Memorize an approved poem or set of poems
Memorize an approved speech
Read 5 approved books and mark them on Goodreads
Read 1 approved book about science, mark on Goodreads, and write a three paragraph essay on it
Read 1 book about history, mark on Goodreads, and write a three paragraph essay on it
Read 3 books on the same scientific or historical subject
Listen to 5 approved audiobooks and mark on Goodreads
Research famous works of art and replicate them at home
Lectio Divina on any scripture and discuss experience with your parent after
I had a really wonderful Sunday. Honestly, I was feeling a little bit foggy and stressed, but all in all it was a very blessed day. I did my monthly values meditation this morning, but I didn’t choose to keep going very long, I think, in part, because I was so tired.
But it was a nice way to start the morning and Lily and took a nice and slow start to the day.
Early in the day I played play-doh with Lydia. She’s here with me now and she wanted to comment on our time together.
“This is Lydia speaking. Dad and I had a really fun time playing with play-doh. He also started to teach me how to make pizza. It’s hard. No to you dad.”
Play-doh really was fun with her. We listened to songs like “The marvelous toy” by Peter Paul and Mary, and we made things like clothes and food with the Play-doh. It was so fun to hang out with her and I’m so grateful that she came to me and asked me to play. Towards the end, we rolled out Play-doh in the shape of a pancake and I tried to remember how to twirl pizza like I did when I was a cook at Gepetto’s. I tried to teach Lydia also. It was very fun.
Home church was very nice today. We listed to “Spirit of God” by Voice Male to open, listened to Paul Cardall’s “I Know that My Redeemer Lives” while I prepared the sacrament and shared thoughts/feelings/testimonies after the sacrament. Georgia shared a beautiful heartfelt testimony. I talked to the children about recent miracles I’m grateful for like that Georgia didn’t break bones when she fell, Lily is feeling a bit better, Lydia’s breakthrough with the harp, my work going well, and Mary’s super nice notes (Ammon, Clarissa and Lily weren’t present).
After that, I cleaned my grill deeply. I’ve only done a solid clean on it once in 5 years, and I’ve had a couple grill fires lately that I think were from all the grease and gunk under the grill. I took about an hour to watch a video, dismantle it, and clean it and re-assemble it. It was a joy to cook on it after that. I LOVE SALMON AND PINEAPPLE. Today we brazed the pineapple in molasses and it was DELICIOUS.
Lily and I set up a lamp for Ammon so he could play with his toy as he drifted off to bed.
After putting the kids down, Lily and I watched the first two episodes of season 3 of Designated Survivor. We just watched Contagion and loved it and now we are on a bit of a Pandemic kick!
On Saturday (and maybe Sunday as well) Georgia was entertaining children in her room by seeing how many hats people could stack on their head. Georgia and I each got 13. I think I heard one child got 14! Anyway, I’m having trouble uploading photos, but here is at least one that uploaded of Lydia.
Lily and I are both rebalancing. I’ve been so focused at work, and Lily has been so focused on her health goals, and it has left us both stressed and exhausted to our bones. I’m taking Monday and Tuesday off and Lily is going to back off a bit on her exercise and eating restrictions. She read The Obesity Code today and we both learned about the incredible power of fasting to restore the body to a healthy insulin level and set body weight. With only broth, water and multivitamins (and in some cases, even without) people can fast for even a month at a time healthily to get the body back to a health insulin and weight level. Lily and I were both amazed by what we learned, and Lily wants to try some fasting, but she’s going to do it when she is not feeling quite so stressed and when she’s recovered from the strain of all her recent efforts.
