Month: November 2020

Last night I played dolls with Mary and Lydia, and Ammon sat and watched, wishing he could play.

I told Ammon I would play with him the next night and so tonight we did. Honestly, work has been so stressful, that it was so nice to just tell myself, “Abe forget everything grown-up in your life, and just be a kid with Ammon for the next hour.” It’s hard to describe how refreshing and fun it was for me. We build lots of towers out of magnet-tiles and had a little bit of play with figures with a storyline about crystals being fought over, and then we learned that magnet-tile buildings could look awesome in the dark when we put flashlights in them and turned out the lights. Ammon was enthralled by the discover, and excitedly showed others in the house and continued building magnet-tile buildings with flashlights the next day. I love that boy so so so much!

Also, here is a picture of Lily walking with Lydia and of Lily reading a book to Ammon and Clarissa. She is such a wonderful mother!

Today we did home church, and then I did Mary’s eye exercises. I got some pictures because she has her graduation soon and I want to remember all the time we spent together doing her exercises.

Today, after home church, and Mary’s eye exercises, I felt desperate for sunshine. I love working from home, but sometimes it does mean I barely leave the house. It’s dark when I start the workday and dark when I finish, and if it’s cold outside, I might never leave the house. I get really cagey. So, I announced that I wanted to go on a hike. I researched where in Utah had sunshine because it was cloudy, gross and cold in Orem. I learned it was sunny and 8 degrees warmer in Scipio. Lily’s been under the weather still getting over the mother of all yeast infections (she also has thrush, and quite possibly a larger case of candida) so she stayed home to catch her breath.

Driving to Scipio was amazing. There was a huge ceiling of cloud blocking the sun from Utah Valley, and as we drove south, we could see where the ceiling ended, and it ended just before Scipio. When we got to the trail, we were in full sun!

We did the Scipio pioneer trail (I think that’s what it is called?). Headed south, it was off the Scipio exit after the gas station/dairy queen. You get on the frontage road, go down a bit and then hang a right to get to the trailhead. It was sunny, beautiful and so fun. Afterwards, we all got subway and icecream. Here are the pictures:

Back at home, I played dolls with the girls before bedtime. It was seriously so fun. Here are a couple videos and some pictures capturing our time together:

Video 1

Video 2

Today when Lily had had enough of Lydia whining at the harp, she sat the kids down and showed them videos of children in the Philippines eating pagpag and she explained that her dad was in very similar circumstances and that the children have wonderful lives, and should never feel like it they have it hard, because they are not far removed from what really would be a difficult life. Pagpag is food found in someone else’s trash. Lydia volunteered to give some of her money to help those children, and Mary followed suite. I was so touched by their empathy and also by Lily’s powerful lesson to our children to be grateful for what we have and aware of the suffering of others.

Then we all had a delicious and rather large pizza.

My veteran’s day started with a wonderful swim and deep concern for our country. Trump was insisting he won the election and doing crazy things to try to call into question and subvert our democratic process. I was upset and posted on facebook, which I almost never do. Here is my post.

On This Veteran’s Day

To my family, friends, and anyone who stumbles upon this post, I want to share the feelings of my heart about what is happening in our country. I check Facebook maybe four times a year, and I rarely speak out because I don’t like to make waves.

But at this moment my heart is bursting with hurt, disappointment, fear and even anger. Never in my 36 years of living have I had to wonder if our democracy is at risk. Never in my life have I wondered if a war is coming or if my family will be safe in the next year. Never have I seen a president more obsessed with his preservation of power than in the peaceful continuation of country that he leads.  As a country, we have never been more divided. I feel it. Do you?

Trump has said before that he will accept election results only if he wins. In the past, I’ve laughed at a lot of Trump’s antics.  For example, it felt comically poetic that he would leave office while in the process suing America. But I’m now realizing Trump isn’t just extremely dysfunctional. He is highly dangerous. His decision to not give a concession speech has put America on edge and made so many people uncertain of the road ahead. Trump’s secretary of State announced there will be a smooth transition into Trump having a second term. Trump just replaced the head of the Department of Defense today with someone who is loyal to him. For those who have followed Trump, you know the list of people he has fired and removed to replace with loyalists is ever growing, but this most recent move is particularly alarming. The scariest thing is that Trump is a compulsive liar and his followers believe what he says. He said we’ve never been more united as a country in his last debate. Is that really what you see? He also said he has done more for Black people than any president except for maybe Abraham Lincoln.  Anyone who has any pulse on the overall feelings of the Black community towards Trump know that is a flat-out lie. This morning I was listening to NPR and wondering if and when that will be either cancelled or taken over by Trump loyalists. I’m literally scared of what he is capable of.

I want to make something incredibly clear. This is not about Republicans versus Democrats. I personally decided I am a Democrat yesterday, but prior to that I spent years wanting to focus more on the caliber of the person–regardless of party, and I spent many more years before that as a Republican. The reason I’m now a Democrat is primarily because of how appalled I am that Republican leaders are choosing Trump over our democratic system. We have never had someone lose in the electoral college and try to sue, intimidate, and grab his way to victory. Even Al Gore gave a concession speech as soon as the Supreme Court gave their verdict. I’ve followed the law-suits Trump is initiating and by and large they are spurious lawsuits that will go nowhere and certainly not change the outcome of the election. Again, this is not a partisan matter. This is about our democratic system. I would be equally appalled if a Democrat were holding on to power this way. I was appalled at both the Democrats and the Republicans (except for Mitt Romney) during Trump’s impeachment because everyone lined up exactly along party lines. No one is thinking anymore. And that is what is happening now. Well, now is the time to think. Look around. Understand that what is sacred in America is not our politicians, not our positions, not even our policies. It is our PROCESS. No one in the history of America (that I am aware of) has done so much to undermine our sacred processes. Processes like voting for elected officials. Processes like the transfer of power. Processes like how the balances of power can check each other. If our voting process breaks down, and the candidate who won the most popular votes (by millions) and the most electoral votes does not get put into office, then all of a sudden we have no working process. That leaves a power vacuum for fascists like Trump, who has appointed loyalists all around him and desires to rule through autocracy and not through the democratic voice of the people.

I am wounded and hurt by what Trump has done to this country. I am wounded and hurt that otherwise good and decent politicians, family members, friends and citizens continue to support this person who is so poisonous to our democracy. As I have said, I have never in my life actually worried about the future of democracy in this country, or the safety of my family. I cannot express sufficiently my disappointment in anyone who would continue to defend someone who endangers me, my family and my country.

On this Veteran’s day, may we reflect on the courage that so many in the past have summoned both on the battlefield and in daily life to protect our democracy, to stand up for civility, and to preserve the stability of our country. May we go beyond feeling grateful for what others have done to protect what we have and realize it is our turn now to be courageous and to stand up for what we want future generations to have down the road.  Nothing would make me happier than to learn that I’m overreacting and that we never really were that close to having our democracy topple. But democracy, national stability, peace and the security of my family is not something I will leave to chance. My family and I are educating ourselves, speaking out, donating to causes that uphold democracy and engaging in civil discourse. I invite everyone to do the same, regardless of your party or politics.

Things got more fun in the afternoon. We all did s’mores outside and then got in our pjs and watched a movie as a family. I think we might have watched the second Despicable Me movie. It was so nice to spend the day with family and have a day off of work!

Today Lydia helped Lily make absolutely delicious cranberry bread. Lydia eats cranberries raw and thinks they are delicious.

Here is Ammon giving Clarissa a horsie ride:

On Saturday we were feeling soooooooo in love with our country’s democratic process. We were so thankful it prevailed over fascism and are so grateful to be Americans. To celebrate our country, we spent the day walking in the wide open spaces on Antelope Island in the middle of the Great Salt Lake.

We saw lots of bison and some antelope on the island, as well as lots of birds. At the top of Buffalo Point we could see a nearby herd of bison but it was so windy that instead of taking photos we just took a quick glance at them and retreated to the car.

Then we drove to Spitz in downtown Salt Lake and picked up some lavash wraps, salads, and the best sweet potato waffle fries–Berliner style, topped with sauce and tons of veggies. We ate in our car while rain poured down outside, and then we drove to Gourmandise to pick up some pastries afterward.

I got the kids some cannolis, some layered pastries for my mom, Abe and me, and some interesting fun looking pastries for Abe’s dad and Suzanne, who we drove up to see outside afterward. It was so fun to see them!

Then we drove home, picked up a tool from Lowe’s, grocery shopped, and put the kids to bed. Also, Abe fixed our fire pit!!!

We have lived in the home for a year and because one of our kids broke the fire pit first thing upon moving in, we have never used it until Abe fixed it last night (with a little advice and an extra tool from Moroni!). He was beyond delighted to sit outside by the fire. I wanted to join but was so cold from being outside so much that I had to return inside after about five seconds with him.

On Friday morning after dropping the girls off at school I drove straight to Salt Lake to pick up Lydia’s brand new pedal harp. I am kicking myself for not taking a picture of the harp in the store because half of what I love about the store is the actual Lyon and Healy harp store in Salt Lake. I love that it is in a beautiful old home right at the bottom of the Avenues and how quiet, peaceful and slow everything feels inside. Ammon and Clarissa also loved seeing some brown squirrels eating nuts outside the door.

After picking up the harp we drove to Tulie Bakery and picked up some over the top delicious baked goods. I dropped some off at my friend Chelsea’s house and at my mom’s place on the way home. After dropping the kids off at home with Abe I ran out to Barnes and Noble to pick up a present for Mary’s friend’s birthday, and then I blitz cleaned the house before picking the girls up from school.

Then we drove almost straight back to school for Mary’s friend’s party. The kids dropped off presents and picked up goody bags for the virtual party.

On Thursday the vote count still continued! While we watched in the evening, the older girls, Abe and I all played a board game called Election Night. It was a great game, and I felt like I learned more about the electoral college (or at least which states are worth how many votes) than I did before.

And before that, the kids had fun trying out their new window markers.

I prepared for election day by, of course, voting early by mail–and also ordering Chicago deep dish pizza days in advance. I found out that Lou Malnatti’s ships! So I ordered six pizzas and felt so excited to have deep dish to help me through the vote count agony.

We also made red and blue virgin jello shots and floated some cactus marshmallows in them to represent Arizona’s role in the election–little knowing that just hours later Arizona would swing to Biden!

It was a beautiful day so while the little kids were in preschool Abe and I went to the nearby tennis courts to play tennis. We are getting better, and it was so delightful to play in the warm sunshine. I am still recovering from a UTI, so I didn’t push myself too hard. But even so we were thrilled to discover that we can actually volley longer than we used to.

In the evening Michaelann joined us as we watched the vote counts start. It was so fun to spend such a historic night with such a dear friend. I didn’t have hope that the election would be over in one night, but I had no idea that we were just watching the start of what seemed like a week long process. It was fun/painful to watch different states get called, though!

On Monday I tried out Ketamine. It was really expensive but I have been curious. Sadly, I didn’t really get much out of the session other than a sensation of consciousness apart from self–and honestly, that was really cool. Also every time I thought about Abe while on Ketamine my body did this automatic thing where I breathed deeply and felt full of peace and light. It was not a conscious response but a bodily response that I felt like I was observing outside myself. Abe is my safe and happy place.

But afterward I threw up three times and spent three hours completely unable to do anything because of the nausea. After I felt better, I heated up the lamb and made some polenta for dinner. Abe took the kids to Sundance to get ski passes while I recovered, and since I took so long recovering we ate dinner really late. But it was yummy! And Lydia got to seed a pomegranate, which was something she’d been wanting to do ever since we read The Pomegranate Witch.

The only picture I have from this day is one the kids must have taken of themselves in the car. I just found it and think it’s pretty cute.