No pictures today. Sorry! Today was the culmination of a lot of Spring cleaning. We had created a giant pile of stuff to go to the dump (and more stuff to go to DI) and my amazing neighbor Scott allowed me to use his trailer to drop everything off.
We also listened to general conference which was generally crazy with the kids, but overall it was a positive experience for me.
In the evening, Lily and I went to listen to literature readings of female authors who publish through By Common Consent. The poetry and prose was really amazing, and it was an incredible example to both Lily and myself of how to put forth a voice that is in opposition to convention, yet still filled with love and light. The authors were amazing. My favorite part was a piece written by a lady who was raised by a mother addicted to drugs, and her whole piece was thanking American tax-payers for everything she had growing up that enabled her to now live a successful life.
After the event, Lily and I had rather intense discussions about how to support and love each other better. We’ve been having hard conversations lately, but they’ve been productive and have given us a deeper understanding of each other, and how to better love each other. I love my Lily 🙂 A lot of the discussions involve differences in how we perceive our faith. Interestingly, the more talk, the more I find we ultimately come together and realize the strength of our common ground. Yay communication!
Sundays are a sanctuary for me and today was no exception. We were late to church after I slept in from a deep and nourishing night of sleep. Clarissa was a mess in sacrament meeting, and I was exhausted, so I took her to the nursery room which caused me to miss Emma Freestone’s mission farewell talk, which apparently was unbelievably amazing and all about loving people as Jesus would love them.
I really enjoyed Elders Quorum A LOT. It was deeply nourishing to me to think on how Christ modeled love for us. While being spat on, insulted, whipped and even crucified, he stayed focused on His mission, which was to save everyone, in many cases, the very people that were directly wronging Him.
Today I had a lot to do as the financial clerk, so I didn’t get home until 2PM, when Clarissa had already woke from her nap. I still slipped in some rest and then went out to get some fresh air with the three youngest kids. I’m so eager to have spring here, and the weather today was decent, so I couldn’t help myself going to the park again with the kids. We fed the ducks again too!
This is Clarissa eating bread…that is supposed to be for the ducks
At home, we ate INCREDIBLE tortilla soup that Lily made and we read and discussed the first half of the Sermon on the Mount as a family. That was maybe my highlight of the whole week. Everyone participated and was engaged (except maybe Ammon and Clariss), and there was such good learning and discussion happening. The Sermon on the Mount is (in my opinion) hands down the most compelling sermon ever given. I loved chewing on it with my family 🙂
After dinner, my brother Jere came over. All the kids except for Lydia were in bed. We all worked on a puzzle and chatted together. Lydia went to bed after an hour or so, and then Lily, Jere and I talked until 10:30 as we finished our puzzle. Puzzling has been such a major discovery for me. It is such a peaceful, calm and fun way to socialize with people. It gives my brain something to do, but not so much to do that I can’t also be engaging with people. It is very calming for me. Lily and I LOVED talking with Jere. He is so interesting, thoughtful, smart and talented, yet very humble. Just a truly enjoyable time.
Above is the puzzle we made with Jere
This is how Ammon fell asleep puzzling in his room tonight. He also had a major blowout in his diaper we needed to handle….
A bit of Sunday Testimony:
Entry 2: God Loves You
In my last entry, I testified of the reality of God, based on a personal experience I had while I was on the mission. Today I want to testify of God’s love for me, for you, and for all of His children based on 2 Nephi 26:24-28.
I have defined love as: “Desiring the happiness for another so much that you are willing to sacrifice personally for it.” Within the context of my working definition of love, consider the following scripture:
“He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life that he may draw all men unto him. Wherefore, he commandeth none that they shall not partake of his salvation. Behold, doth he cry unto any, saying: Depart from me? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; but he saith: Come unto me all ye end of the earth, buy milk and honey, without money and without price. Behold, hath he commanded any that they should depart out of the synagogues, or out of the houses of worship? Behold, I say unto you, Nay. Hath he commanded any that they should not partake of his salvation? Behold I say unto you, Nay; but he hath given it free for all men; and he hath commanded his people that they should persuade all men to repentance. Behold, hath the Lord commanded any that they should not partake of his goodness? Behold I say unto you, Nay; but all men are privileged the one like unto the other, and none are forbidden.” -2 Nephi 26:24-28.
This scripture has played an important role in assuring me of God’s love. In moments when I feel unworthy or unconvinced of God’s love, His help, or His blessings, I can read this and remember that no matter who I am, or what I have done, and no matter what I’m feeling from life’s situations, God loves me (as evidenced by the laying down of His life) and He wants only for me to come and partake of His goodness and salvation.  My behavior and failures will not change those facts. Other people doing hurtful things will not change that. Nothing can change that. This awareness inspires me even when life feels hard and cold, even when I am in sin and even when my anxiety and perfectionism tell me I’m not good enough or not worthy enough for God. This scripture cuts through all of the lies and reminds me that always and forever God loves me, and His invitation is constant: “I love you. Follow me and partake of my goodness.”
Today was a wonderful day. We all woke up late, and I was feeling tired from my long run yesterday, but we made it to church in time for the sacrament. Â After sacrament meeting, we took Clarissa to her very first day of nursery. We were the first ones in her classroom, and I snapped this picture of her.
 I was nervous that she would cry and not assimilate and that Lily or I would be staying with her, but to our great delight, she did perfectly fine when we left her in class. It was actually quite hilarious. Once the teacher engaged with her, I slipped out unnoticed.  Then Lily and I spied on her from the peep hole, and she literally just stood there, motionless and very shy. She barely flinched. We left after a few minutes to help Mary with her talk in primary and go to Sunday school. After church, when I picked her up, she was happily eating snacks. One of the teachers told me that she stood there, motionless for twenty to twenty-five minutes before she started moving around, but she did not cry. Poor girl must have been in some kind of shock in her new environment, but it seems she made it through OK.
Sunday school was absolutely amazing. We got to see four different families model how the do family scripture study. They were all so different and seeing such beautiful families discuss and study the teachings of Jesus with such diversity was absolutely amazing. I came away with a greater desire to have an open mind, and discuss and explore topics openly as a family.
After church, everyone ate and then Lily and I napped. After that, we ate dinner (during which we studied John 3 together). Following dinner, we had family home evening which consisted of reading books while the little kid were up, and then a puzzle and Lydia’s cute lesson when the kids went down. The puzzle was so peaceful and fun. We used our new puzzle board and turned a fake fire on the TV. The girls and I made jokes about not burning our hands on the TV fire. Lily said the puzzle calmed her because of how beautiful it was. Lydia’s lesson was very darling. She wrote out a bunch of different emotions and had everyone act them out. After the kids all went to sleep, Lily and I read and blogged.
***
Here again, is a bit of Sunday testimony, this time it is a beautiful entry from Georgia:
I was awakened at 5 AM last Monday, February 11, by a call from Vince telling me that he was in the Los Angeles jail in Carson. He spoke so fast that I could not understand the details but I understood that he needed help – he needed my help. I was in fact the only one whose phone number he could remember. I did not want this problem. I did not want this disturbance to the beautiful, sweet time I have been enjoying with Clark and Swathi and Soren and Meera, this short interlude of drawing close to them and feeling the love in their home. But the crisis was upon me and I could not refuse it. I fell upon my knees and begged for wisdom and courage. I confessed my own weakness and my own folly. And I sought to know what Heavenly Father would have me do.  From that moment on, I know that He did guide me. He spoke to me through the conversations I had with so many people – my family members, Vince’s bishop, Dyke Huish (a criminal defense attorney), and even Vince himself. He spoke to me through scriptures that came to my remembrance or to my eyes as I searched the scriptures for wisdom. And He spoke to me by whisperings of the Holy Spirit, small increments of understanding that came quietly and gently to my mind. There was much drama to my week as the unfolding of events took me up and down as if on a roller coaster. I spent much of my week on my knees. Some of the scriptures that came to my mind to guide me were: the story of the Good Samaritan; the story of the young man who would not follow Christ because he was unwilling to sell all he had; the story of the Widow’s Mite; Mosiah 4: 19 “For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God for all the substance which we have . . ?” I felt my Savior close at hand and in my spirit I saw Him as the Good Samaritan, showing me personally how to minister to the wounded traveler, even when the traveler was in his delirium resisting. I felt my Savior’s mercy and forgiveness, his compassion and his love. I also learned more of what it means to exercise faith in Jesus Christ.  We must keep our focus on Him and doubt not. We must be courageous and put aside fear and know that He has all power. We must trust that He will exercise His power for us, even though we are imperfect and unworthy. We must be willing to accept His will, whatever the outcome may be.
The following is my journal entry written at 6 AM on Friday, February 15, following Vince’s release from prison.
“My soul is rejoicing in the knowledge I have gained in this past week as I have struggled to gain wisdom and to help Vince in the way Heavenly Father would help. More than ever I know without a doubt that Jesus Christ lives! He is real! He is full of mercy, forgiveness and love. We are all beggars before Him and he is eager to bless us. He will fight our battles for us and He will be victorious for us. He has all power. He is the Creator of the universe and Redeemer of all. He will perform miracles for us if we have faith in Him, if we trust Him, if we do not fear. He will walk with us into the fire. He will uphold us as we walk on water. We must keep our focus on Him and never look down at the water lapping at our feet, and never doubt – just have faith in Him, just trust Him.
“I shall strive to live with this knowledge alive within me and never doubt His love and His power of deliverance. I may need this knowledge for what lies ahead. I have appointments today to determine why I have had blood in my urine. I shall await the verdict and rejoice whatever the verdict is – because I know Jesus Christ walks with me and He will carry me.”
I have to admit that life is very good right now. Work is very good, but very difficult right now. I usually come home with work worries and stress running through my veins. Sometimes I’m tired, distant, grumpy etc. But having weekends with my family has become one of the great oases of my life. A year or two ago, I made the decision to try to never work on Saturday or Sunday. I’ve stuck to it fairly well, and that has allowed those days to be all about family, fun and recovery. So yes, I LOVE MY WEEKENDS!
Saturday was quite low key. I took care of the kid in the morning while Lily went to yoga. About the time Lily came home, Lydia’s friend, Grace, came over to play. Grace was about an hour late and Lydia was so excited to play with her that she was innocently saying things like, “when is Grace going to get here!” When Grace came, she and Lydia did not want to play with Mary, and Mary was extremely sad at being left out.  Her situation gave me the idea to take her on an outing. We have an enclosed jogging stroller that we caused the buddy bubble. I got it out, ran to the store for a tire pump and  pumped up the tires.
While working on the stroller, Mary came into the garage, and said, “dad, there is water coming out of the light, it’s kindof weird.” I have this really bad habit of ignoring signs of trouble so I can stay in a blissful ignorant state. For example, when our basement was flooding, and Lydia came into the bedroom to tell me and Lily (who were in bed) that the basement carpet was wet, I rolled over and said I’d check it out later. Lily was the one who ran downstairs and discovered that water was gushing into our basement and soaking everything. Well, I almost made the same mistake this time. I initially convinced myself that kids are always spilling stuff, and I probably just wasn’t understanding what Mary meant, and there was likely just a spill somewhere. But then remembering how wrong I was with the basement flood (to not respond), I went in the house to check things out. Sure enough, water was streaming out of the can light in our ceiling. I ran upstairs to tell Lily to turn off her shower. And then we got Moroni, our friend and repair man to check things out. It will be a simple fix for him. It just made the day a bit more interesting.
 After the water drama, I then ran to the park pushing Mary and Ammon.
At the park we fed the ducks and played on the playground. The ducks were hilarious to me. I’m sure there were over one hundred of them. We parked ourselves at a pavilion that didn’t have a duck anywhere near it, and we started throwing bread. Within seconds the ducks were swarming us. It was quite the site! Here are two quick videos:
We had a fantastic time. I also felt extremely grateful that my knee did not lock up on the way home. I usually can’t run past 4 or 5 miles without it locking up from pain, and Lily was on call to pick me up if needed, but today I didn’t feel a think so that was a huge blessing.
At home, we hung around and then I went and picked up Slab Pizza that Lily called in for the family. Our great friends, the Harbucks, introduced it to us, and it’s now one of our favorite pizza places.
After eating pizza and putting the kids down, I read a lot of scriptures and then went to bed. Lily and Lydia stayed up reading their books. Lily finished “The Age of Innocence” by Edith Wharton, and Lydia finished, “Percy and the Olympians” by Rick Riordan. They are both such book worms. Each of them only started their book yesterday!
On Saturday, I (Abe) went on a 30 minute run at 8:00 and got back in time for Lily to go to Yoga. All day, Lily was still feeling sick, but I was finally feeling on the mend. While Lily was at Yoga, I was moving slow, but OK with that a I felt I was recovering from the week. I did some cleaning and made lunch for the kids, but mostly was just around, which turns out to be plenty busy with 4 kids 🙂
When Lily got home, I took Lydia to take the exam to get into the gifted program. I hope she makes it! Whether or not she gets in, I know that that sweet girl has many special gifts. She is incredibly responsible, self-aware, loving and the thing that has been most apparent lately is that she is an incredibly gifted reader. Today, she finished book 7 of Harry Potter. So yes, she is a gifted reader, but she is also very gritty. What I mean is that one year and a half ago, she was barely decoding words. She was one of the worst readers in her first grade class, and scored a 1 out of 4 on her first report card. After getting that score, she told us that she did not want to be the worst reader in the class and that she was determined to get better, and from that point forward, we would find her buried in a book, sounding out words, and forcing herself to learn. By the end of last year, she had a 3/4 on her report card. An now, almost a year later, she just finish reading 3,500 pages (approximation) of Harry Potter and I think she did it in about 3 months. Towards the end, she was reading about a book a week, and those last books are crazy thick, like 800 pages. This has really been a wonder to behold in our family, given where she started. Lydia is so much like Lily in this respect. Lily was slow to start reading when she was a child, but once she started reading, she never looked back. She was reading War and Peace, Charles Dickens and other great classics as a youth, and she continues to read veraciously in her adult life. She, like Lydia, is a very fast reader, and I’m so grateful Lydia takes after Lily in that respect! I’m a slow reader and I don’t really enjoy reading, but I force myself to do it, because I know it’s good for me, and I do love knowledge.
I should also mention that Friday evening and Saturday during the day, Lily and I had very intense discussions about the church. She is very distraught at some of the troubling things in the church, and I tend to be fairly conventional, and so it took us some time and energy to work through our points of view together. In the end, and after much discussion, we both had Spiritual promptings that helped guide us to a good place of both our faith and our relationship with each other. I am so grateful for God and the way He helps guide us in all aspects of our lives. I.love.Lily.
Around 5:00, Lily and I went to dinner at Andrea’s house. We haven’t spent much time with her recently and she invited us over. My dad also showed up, which was great! We spent most of the time sharing jokes. A great one from my dad was this image below:
I also shared two of my favorite comedy bits (about 5 minutes each):
Then Andrea shared some near death experience videos with us. There is a trend on youtube of people posting their near-death experiences, and they are absolutely amazing. All the ones I’ve heard of and seem have striking similarities, including that God is the embodiment of love. Here is one we watched that we particularly loved. (16 minutes)
Andrea’s dinner was amazing. I loved the Indian soup and the place settings were fabulous! Thank you Andrea!
Wow, when it rains it pours. About two (maybe three?) weeks ago, I turned to Lily and I said, “Honey, it has been since last February since anyone has been significantly sick. I feel so blessed.” THE VERY NEXT DAY. Clarissa started coming down with a significant illness. Then it cycled through every child, and then hit me and Lily the hardest. Sunday night Clarissa was up vomiting. Yesterday, I was so ill that I took work off. And today, Lily was so sick that she went to her bed the minute I got home, only to end up vomiting tons herself………so yeah….we are all ready for things to be normal again. I forgot to mention that Ammon’s sickness actually caused Toxic Synovitis which caused his knee to feel like it was broken or sprained. I swear I’m ready for the MCAT after all this medical exposure!
OK, enough ranting about sickness. Once I got over thinking about how sick we’ve all been, I can see what a truly good and blessed day we had. Lily was able to get a lot of rest. I went to basketball in the morning and actually made two three pointers in a row (literally never happens, I’m a terrible shot), and my meetings and obligations at work went mostly smoothly today. Lily took the kids through Panda Express to celebrate Chinese New Year, and the kids were mostly good, while Lily and I coped with feeling under the weather.
Lily was an incredible sport with her illness. She kept apologizing for being sick, and I needed to keep explaining that she was the one suffering with stomach pains, not me. We also watched Ant Man 2 together, which I thought was rather good. And now, after vomiting, Lily is finally comfortable and she’s blissfully sleeping. I tidied the house and now get to blog. I guess things aren’t so bad, especially given the fact that completely in love with my wife. Life has brought a lot of challenges recently, but she has been the joy sustaining me through everything. I hope she feels better tomorrow!
Today I (Abe) called in sick. Sunday my nose dripped constantly the entire day and I felt awful. Today was not much better and it seemed unwise to push myself. Lily was so amazing. After dropping the girls off at school, she took Ammon and Clarissa to get their hair cut and to the park so I could have some peace around the house. I had a nice blend of getting things done at a reasonable pace and resting. When Lily came home we rested for a bit, and then I had some work calls. By the end of the day, I was feeling better, and Lily was feeling worse, so we swapped roles a bit and I handled the kids while she recovered. I love being on a team with that woman.
Yesterday was a blur for me…I really wasn’t feeling too good. The only other thing I remember was that Lydia and Mary had their hearts set on staying up until Midnight for Chinese New Year. They are so festive! They pled desperately for it, but given the fact that it was a school night, and that Lily and I were both feeling awful by the end of the day, I shut down their pleadings, promptly and grumpily.
Abe here. I was up until about 1:00 last night, mostly due to working on our basement. Our wonderful contractor, Moroni, finished fixing it after the flood, and I’ve been itching to get all the furniture back set up and rearranged, and it was so fun to do it!
But wow, when I woke up at 8AM, I was not ready at all for church. I think it was ward conference today because the bishop and the stake president were the speakers in sacrament meeting. I was chasing Clarissa most of the time, but can you believe that in three weeks she will be in nursery? It’s hard to know how that will go given her current stranger danger 🙂
While I was chasing her in class, I chatted with Josh Jackson. He is my good friend from across the cul-de-sac. One of his most defining characteristics is that he loves to share food with people. I would say that one out of every two times that I see him, he pulls some super interesting food out of his bag or pocket and shares it with me. Today was a first. It was the first time he ever gave me a piece of steak while I was at church. It was quite good and hit the spot since I hadn’t eaten breakfast.
There was a bit of drama that I heard about in relief society when the stake president made a remark that was not ill-intended, but reflected a more traditional and antiquated role-based family structure. That sparked a big discussion that Lily and some others were a part of. One of our favorite couples in the ward, Molly (who also participated in the discussion in relief society) and her husband Steve Spencer came over and bonded with Lily over the class comments and other spiritual topics while I was doing financial clerk stuff. I caught the tail end of a lovely discussion, and they also brought us desert! They told of us their three-step walz formula for letting God into your life. 1. I can’t. 2. God can. 3. I will let him.
Then I rested after delicious birthday leftovers, and now we are on our way to dinner with friends we love dearly, Rich and Misty Sorenson. We’ve kept in touch with them despite living an hour away now. I can guarantee it will be an amazing time. It always is.
Abe here. I’ve admittedly been a bit spoiled this go around on my birthday. On Tuesday, we went snowshoeing as a family which was my birthday request. Saturday was a continuation of festivities. Lily is amazing when it comes to acknowledging people’s birthdays, and birthdays are always fun at our home because of her.
As soon as I rolled my bones out of bed, I became a drill sergeant and made everyone clean. The girls protested like I was asking them to walk to Canada barefoot, but I helped, prodded, threatened and promised a nice breakfast which Lily made and eventually their room, and most of the rest of the upstairs got cleaned. The German Apple Pancake Lily made was super delicious. Lily was still feeling very sick and also overwhelmed at all she had to do for my birthday dinner, so I gave her a quick massage and that turned into an engaging discussion about tithing.
About the time Clarissa went down, I went to to the funeral for Annalynn Cannon. She was my cousin who had spina bifida. She just died and she was only in 8th grade. The stories about her were amazing, about how she was not angry, or bitter after all she went through and countless surgeries. She wasn’t jealous about the lives that other people had. Even though she couldn’t dance, it made her smile when others danced. She was an old soul, and already understood lessons that many of us, like me, still struggle with. Her uncle said in a talk that he felt on multiple occasions that she was put here on earth for those around her, and not for herself. Now she is heaven, no longer in a wheelchair, smiling brightly, and receiving the reward for her service here on earth. Annalynn, I wish I had gotten to know you better, but I know enough to know you were truly special. We love you!
After the funeral, I hit the store and got a haircut and then came home. Lily was grinding in the kitchen for my birthday dinner, and she was coughing and clearly fading. She and Clarissa are the two that got hit the hardest with the sickness going through our house.
Lily promised she would sit after the cupcakes, and then I stepped in to finalize everything. Lily, I’m so grateful for what you gave so that I could have my birthday dinner.
I have a tradition every year, that on my birthday, I eat my favorite food, borscht soup with people I love. Lily is an unbelievable cook, and her borscht is so good. This year, my dad, Suzanne and Morgan and Jessie joined us. Conversation was so incredibly fun! My dad’s job is going so super well for him (which is great to see after so many harder years at the state tax commission.), Jessie is starting a private library, and everyone just seemed to be doing very well. For my birthday, my dad and Suzanne got me a book of scientific answers to totally odd and random question. I can’t wait to read it!
After the party, I was stubborn and sent Lily to bed so I could clean up and move the furniture back to our basement now that Moroni, our contractor, fixed everything after the flood. I was feeling great and happy to do it. It has been so hard for Lily to get better with the grueling pace she has with the kids, so it was good to see her rest. Lily, thank you, thank you, thank you, for again creating a memory that means so much to me, your delicious food, with people I love. Pictures below!
Abe here. Lily and the kids are sleeping. Perhaps I should be sleeping as well, but I’m enjoying some quiet time, which is something I mostly find on Sunday nights. I love it.
Yesterday, I was proclaiming my gratitude and joy over the fact that no one in our family has gotten significantly sick since February of last year. Now, one day later, literally everyone in the house is sick except for me. Haha, the timing is incredible!
I first want to mention that Lily wrote a beautiful blog post called, “Why I Stay” and it was published in the By Common Consent blog. Here is link. Check it out!
I don’t have any pictures of today, but I do want to report a funny anecdote about Ammon. Lily told me this weekend that this week he was running all around the house like a superhero (naked I’m sure) and wearing his cape. Then Lily heard a “thud” and Ammon came crying. He tearfully explained that he hurt himself while jumping (off of what I’m not sure), and then followed up with the comment, “I no fly”. It appeared that Ammon was crying both at his physical pain, as well as his first realization that he cannot actually fly. Reflecting back to other injuries Ammon has sustained (falling from the tree etc) I think a lot could be explained if this whole time he has believed that he could fly…..:)
Church was wonderful, but I was whiped out all day. I couldn’t sleep until 2:30 AM Friday night, and Lily also pinched a nerve at 4:00 AM while sleeping and needed help, and then Saturday during the day, I finished the Old Testament (5 year journey!) instead of napping, so I was a bit of a mess today. Lily was unbelievably loving and affirming to me today, assuring me that our kids were very lucky to have me, even if I was grumpy towards them and had a short fuse today. I’m sorry about today kids!
I started to feel better when we all did a puzzle together (sans the babies) and things were quiet, clean and calm.
