With mother’s day coming up, I’ve had my heart-beat Lily, on my mind and on my heart. I even shared a lot about her to my therapist this week.
I reported on the inspiration that Lily had to stop forcing Lydia to do the harp, and to make it entirely up to her to decide if she was going to keep doing it or not. Lily gave Lydia a 100 chart and told her that if she filled it by the end of August (25 or so days off allowed) that we would buy her the next harp she needs and keep paying for lessons. With us making it optional, and not forcing her, Lydia has realized it’s up to her. It has become her decision, and in the process, Lydia has become determined to continue, and she does harp consistently now, with no prodding or heartburn from us.
My therapist commented that 9 is the perfect age to give that kind of autonomy to a child. The strategy would not have worked much earlier, and Lily was so inspired to introduce this dynamic right now. It’s a miracle.
I also told Mary-Lou of the Summer Carnival that Lily created for the kids. Mary Lou enthusiastically told me how incredibly impactful she thought such a reward system would be in my children’s development. I agree and have already seen such beautiful fruits from this system that Lily designed.
Toward the end of the call, I told Mary Lou that the only thing that is really hard right now is my faith and my fear that I will lose it if I dig too deep into alternate ways of thinking, or the thoughts of great thinkers who don’t believe in God. I explained to Mary Lou that I anticipate that I will always choose God, and that I will always choose faith and that I truly feel Lily will stand by and support whatever path of faith I personally feel is right for myself. Mary Lou concluded, “Then you have a good woman.” In her eyes, being able to support someone even if you think differently is one of the highest expressions of love. I couldn’t agree more and I have found that in Lily.
Lily is surrounded by inspiration. When I first met her, I was immediately attracted to her, and very quickly fell in-love. Shortly after meeting her, I went on a run on a day when I felt very depressed, and prayed to God that I would bump into her in order to lift my spirits. I took a different route than usual (off a random impression), and I DID BUMP INTO HER. And I walked her home. My outfit was so ridiculous (a running outfit over longjohn garments on the bottom) that made the occasion doubly memorable for both Lily and myself. I walked her home and talked with her. Like many guys, I felt very nervous about commitment so I found myself pushing her away the more attracted I felt because I wasn’t ready to fall in love and commit. I knew where my heart was headed (falling completely for Lily) and I got scared which is why I started to create distance because it was all happening so fast. Then, I had a dream in which I saw my future with Lily in vision. The specific scene I remember seeing is a home full of love, laughter, hearth, and food, and Lily serving food to family and guests around a table. There was an incredible feeling of love, warmth and hearth. Then I heard the voice of God in my dream, “what could you possibly be holding out for?” The essence from the dream was that Lily would be a source of love, hearth, happiness and warmth in my life and that with her would come connection to other people that would bring me joy (and that could not be more true today). I barely knew Lily at that point, but that dream gave me the courage to let go of my resistance, and let my heart keep falling for her. The inspiration was not just happening on my side. When Lily showed up to a church activity and and played volley-ball with me before we really knew each other, the Spirit told her, “your husband is in this room.”
We got married within 8 months of meeting each other.
Every day, every year since then has been full of life, of love, of wonder, of adventure, of knowledge, of kindness, of compassion, of growth, honestly, of happiness. I told Lily the other day (knowing our ten year anniversary is coming up) that if our next ten years of marriage could just be variations on a theme of how our last ten years went, I would be so so happy.
This entry is already getting too long, but here are a few things I want to mention to you Lily. I know mother’s day often throws women into guilt-complexes of how they should be better, or how their not measuring up compared to others. But my prayer is that you think about the self-compassion lessons we just listened to and that as I, the children, Georgia and others share their gratitude and love with you tomorrow, that you truly listen to what we are saying, that you drink it in, and that you see your own beauty and goodness. I pray that women everywhere will see the good in themselves tomorrow and be open and receptive to the loving words of others, and even to give themselves the gift of loving self-talk.
Lily, you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. My heart-beat, my song, my anchor, my love, my angel, these are names I have for you, and you know, because I use them. I would die without you. You lead me to knowledge, to awakening, to love, to comfort, to fun, to growth, to feeling loved and held. Yesterday when I was starting to panic about a work situation, I came upstairs to eat lunch with you, even though I planned to prepare for a stressful work call during that time. I knew being with you would calm me, just like when I called you right before my promotion interview when I was freaking out. You pour your love and your life into me and our children. You do Shakespeare tea-time with Lydia. You created the Summer Carnival. You’ve done years of music lessons. You read and fill your mind with knowledge and wisdom. You love and support your friends. You seek the divine and share with me what you learn. You love and support me. You write. You organize. You forgive me when I need to be forgiven. You help keep our home a place of beauty. You raise your voice when you see injustice. You encourage compassion and service. You massage your mother’s feet and talk to her at night. You are humble and apologize when you you feel you have done wrong. You are gorgeous beyond compare. You fill our home with good food, with compelling thought, with knowledge, with music, with love. You are literally the perfect woman, and I don’t mean perfect, like you never make a mistake or that you don’t have flaws. I mean perfect like I literally would not change one thing about you, even if I could. I love you that much, and you are that beautiful inside and out. Thank you thank you, thank you for being the mother of my children, and the companion to my soul. 🙂
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As far as other news today, it was a very low key day with Lily and I both feeling very tired. Lydia did bake a cake though. She got through it even after having a melt-down when the chocolate initially didn’t mix into the batter like she hoped because it had cooled down. This video also shows me not being as patient as I could have been.
Here are some of the decorations for mother’s day. I’m not quite sure if Lydia or Mary or both did this. I love those sweet children!
