Does any other mother out there feel consistently underwhelmed by her performance as a mom? Maybe the cyber world has me totally duped, or maybe this is just a particularly bad time for me (sick, jet-lagged, sad about my grandmother, PMS to top it all off), but man oh man, I feel like I must be the only mom on the planet who does NOT have it together!
Today, my kids had at least one meal that consisted ENTIRELY of graham crackers, lemon curd and water. I wish I could say today was an anomaly. The saddest thing? My kids (with the exception of Mary, who will not eat bananas), will eat anything. It appears I am just too lazy to feed them nutritious meals.
Today Lydia also watched hours–plural–of Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood on my iPad. Again, I wish that today were an exception, except that it is totally not. I always have some good reason, e.g.: I need to clean the bathroom, I need to clean the bedroom, I need to clean the living room, I need to clean…you get the picture. Sad part number two: my house is not even that clean, and I clean it all the time. I just don’t get it, and I should either give up by now or be more demanding when I tell Abe I need a maid.
On the bright side, I took my girls to story time today. That was an accomplishment. I read books to my girls. That was an accomplishment. The girls listened to their Suzuki CDs during their graham cracker marathons. Another accomplishment. Lydia helped make the lemon curd–thus making it necessary for me to clean the kitchen for the SIXTH time today. Major accomplishment. I actually put on make-up and went out to dinner with the girls, my husband, and my in-laws.* A HUGE accomplishment.
*To understand just how noteworthy the make-up is, please note that a month ago my friend asked me what make-up I had and I produced…one solitary tube of moisturizer and some five-year old foundation that she instructed me to throw away. Oh, and I had some lip gloss from high school, along with another tube I used in college and some eyeliner I inherited from my mom. I had to leave all but the high school gloss in India because everything got covered in fleas, and so I finally bought new make-up upon returning to the States. (The high school gloss is still hanging out on one of Lydia’s bookshelves. I keep meaning to throw it away once I get around to cleaning her room, but that hasn’t happened in a month. You would think with all the iPad watching I would have made it to her room by now, wouldn’t you? I would have thought so, too.)
Anyways, even with ALL of those “accomplishments,” I still feel kind of like I failed at being a mom today. I guess in my mind, to be a good mom I have to first lose 20 lbs, chase around my kids in high fashion wearing both make-up and heels, have every room of the house clean and picked-up all the time. For me, this feels impossible.
I’d love to end this blog on a positive or hopeful note, and I really feel like if I had ten more minutes, I could come up with some cheerful way to conclude and buoy my spirits. If I were not so tired, I bet I could clinch this ending in a profound and funny (at the same time!) way. Sadly, Mary is crying and I need to go help my sweet husband calm her down. It seems that this is life right now.