Month: September 2017

On Wednesday we packed it in. After saying goodbye to Shauna in the morning, Ammon, Mary, Clarissa and I headed to a nearby park to enjoy the September morning.

After the park, we went to the Provo Library to catch story time before heading home to grab lunch. I distributed sandwiches and granola bars in the car so we could be on time for Mary’s kindergarten drop-off.

Then we headed home for a “nap.” Mostly I changed Ammon’s diaper a couple times and Clarissa nursed. I tried to squeeze in some crochet, but that was pretty minimal.

At the end, Chelsea surprised us by dropping off loads of beautiful produce from her garden! She is my hero, and I want to be just like her someday.

Then we picked up the girls and headed to the Orem Library to do homework. I like this new routine because Ammon enjoys playing in the kid section while the girls get their work done, and we’re not scrambling before school to squeeze it in.

After homework, we went to another park and played for two hours. Abe joined us at the end, much to the kids’ delight. I noticed that before Abe arrived, the kids played on the park. After Abe arrived, the kids played on Abe. He makes a great climbing wall and swing set.

Then it was home for dinner and bed. I re-broke my toe twice in the evening and it hurts today. Ammon stepped on it after scripture study, and while I was listening to Abe talk through his work stress, I stubbed my toe on the vacuum. I was too upset to blog after that, so I just went to bed angry. It is throbbing today, so we’re having a more laid back morning.

I am praying Ammon will learn to love TV. Right now he and Mary are in front of Fantasia.  I know I’m supposed to minimize screen time, but with Ammon in his current state, I want to MAXIMIZE it. Sadly, he doesn’t stay put in front of a screen, but I am crossing my fingers today and hoping against hope Fantasia keeps him planted on the couch– and out of mischief!!–while my toe sort of heals.

I have a video of Ammon saying “Too!” when I tell him I love him. I think it’s so cute.

And I really was crazy and let Ammon and Mary help me make lasagna tonight. It was crazy because we have houseguests for dinner and the night, and we were trying to get this thing in the oven in time for dinner. I did not plan on Clarissa being uncharacteristically fussy, therefore I did not have time to clean the mess before Shauna, Jeff, and their friend Tom arrived. My mom did the heavy lifting on the mess while I tried to nurse Clarissa, and I felt so bad about that.

The kids had a great time “cooking” though!

Today while I was ordering groceries online, Mary came running upstairs and told me that Ammon had climbed onto the counter and was stuffing his face with cookies. I seriously contemplated just letting him be, and then I envisioned all of the house covered in chocolate cookie crumbs. I reluctantly went downstairs, pulled Ammon away from the cookies and cleaned him off.

Then during Mary’s piano practice, Ammon got unusually quiet. I rushed to the kitchen to see what was going on and saw Ammon pouring milk all over the counter. I had thought that gallon jug was empty, but guess not. I cleaned him again and resumed piano with Mary.

Later in the day, I brought this on myself:

I invited Ammon to help me prepare the soufflé bowl by spreading butter and cheese in it. He loved his task and took it a couple steps further. He ate the butter and cheese and got cheese everywhere. I didn’t really mind cleaning up this mess. Also, note he is wearing Mary’s sandals from last year, which he spied when we were sorting out the summer shoes on Saturday. He fell in love and demanded to wear them. He is one and can wear the shoes Mary wore when she was almost four.

I feel like I have been complaining about Ammon a lot lately. That is sad, because even though he is a handful, he is such a cute, sweet boy. He has my whole heart. Here are some cute things he does that make me melt even after he’s thrown avocados everywhere, ripped up his favorite book, thrown hundreds of wipes on the ground or smeared butter over the floor.

Whenever we say, “I love you!” to Ammon, he always grins and says, “Too!!!” (which means, “I love you, too!”).

He LOVES to sing and read, and the combination of the two makes him slightly crazy with joy. I make up little songs to go with some of the pictures in his books. If I even sing the song just one time, he always remembers that there’s a song associated with that picture, and he will fall apart until I remember and sing it again whenever we read the book.

He loves to dance and does the sweetest, happiest dances when he hears music.

He loves dogs, planes, and trucks. He can hear the garbage truck from far away and always runs to the window to watch it with excited anticipation. Tonight in the middle of crying in the bath, he heard a dog bark (I couldn’t even hear the dog over his crying, so I have no idea how he heard it), and immediately stopped crying, smiled, and said, “Dog!”. I listened and indeed there was a dog barking.

He adores being with Abe on his runs. As soon as we tell Ammon he gets to ride in the buddy bubble, he lights up and yells, “ducks!” because he hopes Abe will run to the duck pond.

He calls his basketball hoop a “shoop.” We think he got confused because you shoot hoops, therefore: “Shoop!”

That doesn’t begin to cover why we love Ammon, but we sure love him. His guileless, sweet, well-intentioned little heart makes mine beat faster.

As for the other kids, Clarissa is the most alert baby I can ever remember having. Abe says I said that Ammon had very wise eyes, which I don’t doubt even if I can’t remember that at all. But Clarissa is SO alert and aware of her surroundings…when she is awake (which, let’s be honest, is still not often). She has the biggest eyes and stares intently at people and patterns trying very obviously to understand.

Here is a picture of Clarissa trying to understand what just happened to her after Abe sang “The Grand Old Duke of York” to her and made her do the motions. A video is also below.

Lydia is also in love with Clarissa. She is just as sweet with her as she was with Ammon and always is asking to hold her. She beams whenever she looks at her and pronounces her “the cutest baby.” She is such a good big sister. Any disappointment she initially experienced at Clarissa’s gender has since completely vanished. She loves her baby sister.

Mary is also very sweet with Clarissa, although she seems to only ask to hold her when Lydia asks first. But she is very sweet and proud of Clarissa, and we are so happy that all of the children have taken so well to their littlest sibling.

 

On Saturday I woke up and decided I needed a hair cut. The A-line I got months ago was growing out to the point that I couldn’t just wash it and go. I need a haircut that washes-and-goes.

My hairdresser moved! It was so sad, so I tried out a new one. She was so sweet, but I really did not like her work. She was brand new and in her first job, and now my hair shows that. Oh, well. Good thing I’m not in the running for any most-put-together-human awards.

Abe took Ammon on a run to the duck pond, and that thrilled Ammon’s little heart to bits.

Sadly, Abe’s knee got inflamed on the way home, and he limped for the rest of the day. I felt so bad for him.

The girls enjoyed playing outside the whole day. In the evening my mom went for a swim while Abe took the kids to Target.

I stayed home with Clarissa to nurse her and clean the house.

I am dying to declutter the: kitchen, my closet, my bathroom drawers, the medicine cabinet, the mantle, the laundry room, and the piano room. That’s what that nesting urge is for–to get the house ready BEFORE the baby comes because afterwards, it is soooo hard to do anything! The minute I feel perky enough to do a project, Clarissa feels perky enough to nurse or Ammon decides to tear something apart or one of the girls has a tantrum.

However, on Saturday evening, I did manage to put three puzzles away and “help” Abe hang some garlands. (Really I just told him where to hang them.)

 

On Friday morning Mary, who has been exceptionally well behaved recently, completed ten repetitions each of all of her piano pieces. This is an amazing feat for her, because most of our practice sessions are spent redirecting attention. It is a miracle if we can repeat one piece ten times (correctly), much less all of them.

Even though it was thundering and raining outside, I took the kids to the Kangaroo Zoo bounce house as a reward. Ammon and Mary were in heaven.

Seeing my kids so happy made me SO happy. My heart was just full watching them run around panting with excitement and grinning ear to ear.

Clarissa was so sweet and just slept on my chest in the Solly the whole time.  I felt sorry for her because she woke up hungry right as it was time to go. It was a long ride to the parking lot of Mary’s kindergarten, where I finally nursed her.

Also, Abe brought home NO work this weekend! It was a much needed miracle.

On Thursday after school I took the kids to the library. I had not pre-registered the girls for the cool discovery program, so we stood in the standby line and made it in by the skin of our teeth!

While the girls were making clay fossils, Ammon, Clarissa and I hung out in the preschool-play area. Ammon was overjoyed to learn he was allowed out of his stroller. We played and read books until 5pm. I want to do this every week–it was so fun!

Ammon and Clarissa have competing needs. Clarissa needs me to be home, comfy, and available for nursing at any time. Ammon needs to be out. of. the. house.

He is tired of being cooped up, and he is destroying everything in sight. So I have been just nursing Clarissa in parking lots and depending on the Solly wrap to keep her happy while I try to preserve my house and keep Ammon happy (not, er, in that order).

 

Today we all had fantastic days. Abe gave a great presentation to his region, had a wonderful one-on-one with Lucas, and got some great work done on one of his Big Deals.

My mom finally got back into pilates and had a great time. She also was incredibly helpful with the kids today and made the afternoon peaceful by dropping off Mary and picking up the girls. Lydia asked to do her homework with Nana, and my mom obliged. We have a head start on tomorrow. She also attended her evening institute class, and I can hear that she arrived home safely. (I get worried because I don’t like it when she’s out alone after dark.)

I had a great day too. My toe continues to feel better, although I can tell it’s still broken. It must not be a bad break, though, because I can do pretty much everything without pain. It only hurts if I try to bend it a certain way.

The most important thing, though: The girls were ANGELS. I mean, seriously, they were over-the-top sooooo good today. They were polite, obedient, and sweet. I took Mary, Ammon and Clarissa to the library in the morning, and Mary patiently took Ammon around the stacks while I scoured the shelves for self-help books. Every time she came back to me, she’d ask if I needed her to do one more lap. She said graciously, “Take your time” and then made untold numbers of laps around the stacks while I tried to figure out which books would turn me into a better mom.

However, Ammon was a disaster. While I was doing Mary’s piano practice yesterday, he took a stick of butter and spread it carefully over the kitchen floor with a spatula. I thought that was bad, but today during her practice I discovered him lobbing over-ripe avocados like grenades all over the kitchen. After his nap (thank goodness he napped!!!), I took him outside because I think he is missing his natural habitat. The time outside seemed to really help. He covered himself in tomato juice, dirt, and yucky water that pooled in various places around the yard. He was so happy.

I have been carrying Clarissa around in the Solly wrap all day. She adores it and never fusses when she’s in it. Honestly, she hardly fusses anyway, but she’s particularly non-fussy in the Solly. It was invented by one of my favorite mission companion’s sister-in-law! I had forgotten that, but I follow a Facebook group of mission friends, and that came up in discussion recently. I have been loving the Solly wrap because Clarissa loves it so much, but now I love it even more.

My toe was better today! I couldn’t even believe it. I can still feel a little pain, but it got progressively better throughout the day. Right now I am sitting on my foot and can’t feel a thing. I am so, so, so relieved and grateful.

We also had a realization about Lydia today. This evening she spent hours–literally, hours–screaming and crying because we misplaced a green crayon of hers. She has several boxes of crayons, but she was doing a numbers puzzle and wanted to keep the green color consistent. I was frustrated and tried my best to stay out of the way and keep my mouth shut, lest I let her know what I thought of her tantrum.

My mom and Abe were much more accommodating, and at 9pm, Abe finally found a green that matched her green exactly. Then he came to me and said quietly, “We need to be really compassionate towards Lydia. She has OCD.”

The thought that Lydia has OCD has been percolating in my mind for a short while now, and I even told my brother and Swathi this afternoon that I thought she had it. But hearing Abe say that with such certainty switched a lightbulb on in my head. After all, Abe has OCD, so he should know what he’s talking about. Also, knowing that Lydia is dealing with something many grown-ups can’t handle makes me feel automatically a lot more sympathetic.

Normally, her fits drive me absolutely crazy. In fact, I am actively searching for therapist referrals and have about a thousand pages of self-help reading lined up so I can more lovingly deal with her behavior. But tonight was a turning point in my own journey with Lydia. It helps to know that she is even more overwhelmed than we are with what’s going on in her brain.

Also, when she’s not melting down, I have to say that Lydia can be the most delightful child. She has the purest, most sincere, loving heart, and all she wants is to be loved in return. I am hoping that therapy and self-help books can help me better communicate just how much she means to me. She means everything.

The day started out really great today. I felt good enough to drive the kids where they needed to go, I stayed calm through Lydia’s harp and reading practice (although, I have to say, the fact that my mom has been doing Lydia’s harp practice was probably the determining factor in that outcome), and everything was running according to plan. Ammon even took a nap!

And then it all went downhill. After I dropped the girls off at tumbling and ballet, I was feeling pretty great about life. When I was about to take Ammon in the house, he escaped to the backyard. Eli, Clarissa and I followed. Since Eli was there, I went in to get my nursing cover and then attempted to drag one of our super heavy table chairs to the lawn. It wouldn’t drag, so I lifted it up…and then dropped it on my toe.

My toe broke. Now, I know this is not the end of the world. I am not a refugee, I am not a hurricane victim, I am not a slave or oppressed in any sort of way.

Nevertheless, this is one of the worst days of my life. I feel despair. I can not believe that I can not walk (without a ton of pain, at least)…again. It was one thing to be on bedrest when there were a ton of cheap, wonderful babysitters around and Clarissa was still on the inside. It is a whole different story to be on bedrest when I have to nurse Clarissa around the clock, chase Ammon, bus the kids places throughout the day, keep Ammon from killing himself, do a TON of laundry (because, cloth diapers), change Clarissa’s diapers, change Ammon’s diapers, clean up after Ammon, figure out what everyone is going to eat at every meal, and, Ammon.

I am ready for Ammon to be out of his destructive phase, and I am ready for him to be done teething. I am, in fact, ready for Ammon to be fully cognitively developed, potty trained, and able to hold reasonable conversations. I love him so much, and this stage is so cute, but I’m done. Can I please get off the mommy train? At least until my toe is healed and I can walk again? Please?

No? Okay, in that case, I am going to go to bed and pray to God my toe heals before Clarissa wakes up hungry in the middle of the night.