Month: January 2018

Qualtrics gave every employee an experience fund this year. Today I spent the day listening to Hamilton, and then at the end of the day I used the experience fund to buy Abe and me tickets to Hamilton. We had talked about using the money to travel to Chicago and see it there, but it turns out Hamilton is coming to Salt Lake this year. The tickets are much more expensive here, but on the other hand we don’t have to buy plane tickets and figure out overnight childcare. So Salt Lake it is. I am so excited to see it!!

Today we were all home sick with strep, so after the girls practiced I announced that we were all going to watch The Sound of Music. It is my favorite movie, and when I was a child I watched it every day, literally. My mom feared I was damaging my brain by watching it every day, but it was such a bright spot in my little life.

Watching it with my kids made my whole day. I love every second of the movie, and the last time I watched it with my kids was, unbelievably, years ago. Lydia was two the last time she saw it!

But it was a great day because of The Sound of Music. I got no laundry done and the upstairs is kind of a disaster, but I am happy. Thank you, Julie Andrews. I love you.

On Monday morning I hauled Ammon to the doctor because I suspected he had strep. Yup. He has strep.

While I was at the doctor, I casually asked the doctor about a sore on Lydia’s nose. Our pediatrician, who is a fatalist (and I love him for that), immediately snapped to attention and said that she probably had impetigo because there’s strep in the house.

I didn’t bother picking up Ammon’s prescription right away because I had a sinking feeling I would have more prescriptions to pick up before the day was done. After school we cancelled ballet and Mary’s piano lesson and all went back to the doctor instead. I had the other three kids tested for strep, and, drumroll please…everyone except Clarissa has strep!

She can get it too if someone kisses her on the mouth. The girls are constantly all over her and in her face (so am I–she is so cute, though!), so my hope that she holds out much longer is very slim.

After we all got properly diagnosed, we picked up prescriptions and headed home to eat Thai take-out. I have strep and that is my excuse for not wanting to cook. We then had an amoxycillan party alongside our dinners. Antibiotics for everyone!!!

I can’t wait until we’re all healthy again.

In other news, Abe is blowing his quota out of the water this quarter. I don’t know how he manages to be so highly functional while the rest of us are dropping like flies. Go, Abe, go!

Sunday was Abe’s thirty-fourth birthday. Am I so glad he made it to 34! I’m constantly in thinking-about-the-worst-that-could-happen mode, and usually the worst thing that I could imagine happening to me, personally, is if Abe died. Wow, that’s a morbid way to start a happy birthday post!

In a roundabout, macabre way, I am trying to say that Abe is my most favorite person, and he is also one of the greatest people to have ever graced the face of this planet. Posterity, if you happen to be reading this and didn’t ever get to know Abe, please know that I am not even exaggerating. He is really that amazing.

Why, you might ask, is he that amazing? Well, he’s an incredible husband, for one thing. When I was flat on my back last week from illness in Mexico, Abe sat by my side for the entire day and refused my repeated requests that he leave and at least feed himself. He did not eat until I felt well enough to eat a couple bites of fruit at 8pm, at which point he ordered fruit to the room and ate some with me. After that, I went to bed for the night and he finally, finally left for his first real meal of the day–around 9pm. SO: he’s devoted, loyal, and so kind.

Also, he’s forgiving. When he performed the marriage of our dear friends, the Hongs, Abe also gave the most beautiful sermon on marriage. My favorite line from the sermon was “Forgive, forgive, forgive.” The reason he probably included that in the sermon was because he has so much practice at forgiving in our marriage! In over seven years, I have never seen him hold a grudge, ever. The minute I have ever asked for forgiveness for my (frequent) displays of bad behavior, Abe has always, always immediately forgiven me.

I’m not talking about the kind of forgiveness where the person says, “I forgive you,” but then continues to feel resentful on the inside and still behaves in passive aggressive ways. I’m describing a forgiveness that is genuine and so heartfelt that I always feel his sincerity and love for me–immediately! It’s a miracle and it’s unbelievable.

Usually Abe even pre-empts my asking for forgiveness by literally holding out his hand to me so that we can hold hands. It is a risky move because sometimes I am too annoyed to gracefully accept the gesture and have been known to ignore him or pull away. Despite that, he continues to take risks and extend his hand whenever there’s a chill in the air. And I can probably count on one hand the number of times that chill started in his corner.

The other day I asked Lydia if she had ever seen Mommy and Daddy fight, and she looked at me, confused.

“Do you mean the grown-up fighting that’s nice fighting? Like ‘I’ll do it!’ ‘No, I’ll do it!’ type of fighting?” she asked.

“No! I mean real fighting, the kind where people are mad at each other. Have you ever seen Mommy and Daddy get mad at each other?”

“No,” she said simply.

Now, Abe and I suffer the occasional chilly moment, but honestly, it has been a very smooth, easy seven years. And I attribute that all to Abe. That’s not false modesty or humility or anything like that–it really is Abe being a tremendous spouse. If I were married to someone with a temperament like mine, let’s just say it this way: We would not still be together, and Lydia DEFINITELY would have witnessed at least a few loud fights.

Just as he forgives on the spot, Abe also gives others the benefit of the doubt.  Abe looks at people and finds their goodness. He talks about their goodness. He doesn’t gossip or even verbally insinuate that other people have weaknesses that he would like to talk about. He’s just not interested in putting other people down because, as far as I can observe, he’s not seeing things to put down. He looks around and sees a world filled with kind, friendly people who bless his life. That outlook is both a gift and a virtue, and it’s one I hope and pray our kids inherit from him.

Also, Abe is an eternal optimist. This trait can actually be annoying to someone like me, who is always seeing gloom and doom everywhere.

I’m all: “We’re all so sick! I hate winter. The air here is so bad. Life is so haaaarrrd. UGH.” Closes eyes and collapses in bed. 

Abe’s all: “But we’re getting better! The winter’s been so warm. It’s almost spring! Aren’t our children beautiful? Can I give you a massage?”

Which is when I stare at him, mouth agape. Yesterday he continued in this vein so far as to say that if it weren’t for my health, he would want a new child every year because he is so pleased with ours. All I’ll say about that one is that again, we have very different thought patterns.

Above all, Abe loves God with all of his heart. Abe has no time to himself, and that is something I hope we change soon. But in the seven years we’ve been married, Abe has never had much (if any) time to himself, and whenever he finds a crack of space, he fills it with scripture study, prayer, and spiritual journalling. His scriptures can be found all around the house because he totes them to the dinner table, and from there to the couch, and from there to our closet, and from there to bed. He loves to think and talk about the gospel, because the things of God are what are closest to his heart. I love talking about the gospel with Abe because he is the wisest person I have ever met.

And yet he’s still fun! Abe has the craziest, silliest moments with the kids, who love having a fun and funny dad. He has dance parties with them, gives them rides, tosses them in the air, and loves playing with them. The other day my mom and I were talking about how much we hate the snow, and Lydia asked why.

“Most grown-ups don’t like dealing with the snow, ” I said.

“But dad loves the snow! He even plays in it by himself!” she cried.

“You’re dad’s a kid,” my mom and I replied in unison.

Lydia stopped and looked at us, confused. We then explained that Abe is a kid at heart.

He’s not just silly with the kids. He’s silly with me, too. He makes me laugh every day, multiple times a day. Oftentimes his humor with me is, um, different than his humor with the kids. But trust me, he’s hysterical and such a fun husband…and that’s all I’ll say about that.

Basically, Posterity, you might be wondering now whether Abe is actually a perfect person or if I am just prone to speaking in manic hyperbole when the subject is my husband. Maybe you’re wondering if Abe secretly beats me because I sing his praises so much that I need to butter him up to protect myself–or at least I have some other covert reason for always writing about how great he is.

Believe me when I say: Abe is perfect to me and for me. As people go, I can’t imagine they get much (if any) better than Abe. Does he have weaknesses? Yes, he does, and to prove I am not painting a Picasso-esque, distorted picture of my husband, I will list the very first faults that come to mind here too. Happy birthday, Honey!! 🙂

I listed five traits to demonstrate his amazingness: 1. He’s an awesome husband, 2. He performs the spiritual alchemy of forgiveness with regularity, 3. He is an optimist, 4. He loves God above all, and 5. He’s so, so fun.  I’ll try to list five faults to even it out.

1. Abe lacks a sense of direction. We almost always make at least one wrong turn when we leave the house, even if we are headed someplace we have been many times. This is probably because, as stated before, Abe has no free time. When he is in the car, he grabs at the opportunity to go to God in thought, and he sometimes forgets to make the right turn in the process.
2. Abe has a hard time remembering names. So do I. If you struggle with names, Posterity, maybe you got it from us!!
3. Abe runs life at a very hard pace, and so he can get very tired and stressed as a result.
4. Ummmmm….I’m honestly, honestly racking my brain here. Abe runs late? He actually does, and now after being married to him, I do too. I kind of feel like the pot calling the kettle black, but I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel, so gotta do whatcha gotta do.
5. Abe’s too nice??? He gives people the right of way even if he has the right of way, which then leads to me rolling my eyes and making an annoyed huffing sound, which then leads Abe to holding out his hand and everything described in positive trait #1. I suppose this can still fit down here though because being too nice is not necessarily the best trait for a salesman. (Or at least it’s not a highly valued trait in sales culture.) At any rate, it’s all I can think of and I’ve been trying desperately to think of negative things for a while. Time to move on!

As you can see, Abe is a remarkable person. I had to think long and hard to figure out some of his faults, but honestly, I could roll out an untold more number of  positive traits and explain how those all describe Abe perfectly. He is the most wonderful husband and father, and I can’t wait to share the next thirty-four years (and the thirty four after that, too, please!) writing long, adoring posts about him on his birthday. He’s just the best.

Happy birthday, Abe!!!

P.S. I had a moment of panic envisioning my Posterity reading this feeling bad if your marriage or spouse is less than perfect. I guess I always grew up thinking marriage would be a lot harder than mine has been, and that is partly why my marriage to Abe is such a source of wonder and delight to me. But I think there are lots of possible dynamics in a good marriage, and I hope the dynamics of my marriage won’t cause any self-doubt in yours! We’re all just here making our way through the best we can, and I pray all the time that my children and Posterity will be blessed and all find spouses as magnificent as Abe.

On Saturday we did Saturday chores, went grocery shopping, and kept recovering from the trip.

Clarissa also had her first bites of real food!

Abe stayed home from work on Friday, which was great because I went to the doctor and found out I have strep. He had fun reconnecting with the kids while I tried to reconnect with my health.

On Thursday we flew home to see for ourselves how things had gone at home while we were away.

Jenn Blosil did an AMAZING job taking care of our kids. My mom called her Mary Poppins and told us she wished she could be Jenn’s roommate! Jenn was just delightful the whole week and did an incredible job stepping into the void we left. She even had nights when she had to wake up eight times a night and still function the next day, and somehow she did it. She even came down with strep midway through and still powered through the whole time. We are so grateful.

On Sunday Tom came down to help with church and everything before and after that. That was so helpful, especially since we can’t really hire babysitters on Sunday. On every other day, the Mugarian girls came to help between 3:30 and 8:30, and then on Tuesday and Thursday Karin also came down to help. She cheerfully informed the Mugarian girls that they were not accurately experiencing what real motherhood is like. Basically, there was a 1:1 ratio of adult to child for a big part of the time we were gone, and my mom reported that it felt kind of like a big party.

When Abe and I came home, we loved visiting with Jenn and my mom and hearing the blow-by-blow from the home front. Jenn is just amazing, and we are eternal fans.

On Wednesday I had the strength to lounge around the resort, so that is exactly what Abe and I did. After breakfast, we headed to the beach and settled in this:

When we felt rested, we took the big leap of heading to the lazy river for our big activity of the day: floating down the river.

In the evening we had the farewell dinner which we forgot to take pictures of. Of course it was gorgeous and yummy and everything you’d expect from Q club. It was really nice, and they showed a little video that I hope to get a link to soon.

After dinner we bought some things for the kids and our amazing babysitters, and then we headed back to the room to watch more of The Crown.

On Monday night I started feeling feverish, and when I woke up on Tuesday I did not have the strength to even walk out to the deck for fresh air. I stayed in bed the whole day and didn’t eat or drink until 8pm. Abe was beyond wonderful and stayed with me the whole time, despite my repeated requests that he leave and at least eat something himself.

Instead, he stayed right next to me and we tackled almost the whole season of The Crown.  I listened to a lot of it with my eyes closed. Abe also gave me a much appreciated blessing.

There’s really not much more to say about this day except that Abe went out for dinner at 9pm and joined some of his Qualtrics friends to eat before coming back and watching more of The Crown with me. In the middle of the night, I moved to the couch and felt my fever break. Thank goodness!

On Monday Abe signed us up for a marine safari. One of the reasons Abe loves Q club trips so much is that everything, from the resort to the food to the outings, is free. More is more, in his book, and so he loved the idea of adding another free item onto our agenda.

In the back of his mind, he and I both knew I got seasick, but he’s never witnessed this full-blown phenomenon in our marriage yet, and so I think he thought I’d be able to handle this. (The alternative outing was four-wheeling through the Mexican jungle, and he knew I would not be a fan of that, so marine safari it was.)

We started off the day with a lovely breakfast, which I fully enjoyed even though I knew I would probably be tasting it again shortly. We took a little boat out to a bigger boat. I forget what it was called, but it was some sort of smaller luxury vessel.

That ended up not mattering at all because the sea was so choppy, and I couldn’t enjoy anything after ten minutes. I started throwing up and didn’t stop for an hour. By that time, I couldn’t even open my eyes or talk at all. Abe, after taking sloshing bowls of puke to the bathroom time after time after time, was starting to go pale and feel a little queasy himself.

That’s when Valerie, one of the Qualtrics wives, came in and swooped to the rescue. She put ice on my neck and cleaned my vomit for the next half an hour while the boat turned around and headed back for the littler boat that took us to land. She inspired me to be a better person. It was her vacation, and she could have easily stayed on top of the boat enjoying the breeze with everyone else, but instead she came down and took care of me–a total stranger! She wiped up my vomit, held me, pressed ice on my neck, and spoke comforting words, and the whole time I couldn’t even open my mouth to say “thank you” because I literally couldn’t talk without puking. What an angel. I love her and will never forget what she did for me that day.

As soon as the boat turned me over to the smaller boat, we came back to land where I lay on a lounge chair for thirty minutes so I could get the strength to walk to the car that would take us back to the resort. At the resort I staggered to another lounge chair on the beach and lay there looking at the sky until I felt like I could eat again.  (Meanwhile, everyone back in the boat was enjoying being right in the middle of a pod of whales and double rays. I felt bad that Abe missed the fun!)

Meanwhile, Abe went over to the volleyball court and was a total star. I remember playing volleyball in our singles ward with Abe. I hadn’t played since high school, and Abe was so nice and encouraged me even though he didn’t know me at all. The Spirit whispered to me that my future husband was in the room, but I shrugged it off as a crazy erratic thought. (I thought Abe was…fourteen. It never occurred to me that he was even a dating option.) Only after I got married did I realize that I was hearing the Spirit right then.

Anyway, after I started feeling better, we sat down to another lunch with Precious and Dan, two of my favorite people on the trip. We enjoyed visiting with them and then headed to a reception to pick up the trip gifts. The CEO gave everyone a pair of designer sunglasses and a pair of fancy sandals. I kind of prefer the gas station sunglasses because I lose them so often, and expensive sunglasses cause me heartburn when I think of keeping track of them. But, again, this would not be an appropriate “poor me” moment. It was really fun to pick them out and we were grateful to shop for free!

Then we had a dinner together and ordered a traditional Mexican stone soup, along with a forgettable chicken mole and some delicious churros. Then we wandered back to our room and on the way got sidetracked by this pool. 

Not a soul was in sight, so we jumped in the hot tub and alternated between pool, hot tub, and poolside hammocks (hard to see in the picture) for an hour. It was romantic and fun to have it all to ourselves. Also not pictured was an entire other pool perpendicular to this one that had a fountain and was all lit up. We couldn’t believe no one else was in the area. It was my favorite night in Mexico, by far.