Month: March 2018

On Tuesday I was not feeling well, and so Abe stayed home until it was time for us all to go to the dentist. The girls literally jump up and down and shout for joy when we tell them we are going to the dentist. This is probably because our dentist is very kid friendly. There are TONS of snacks, drinks, prizes, kid chairs, kid games, and special rooms for kids with TV’s and various entertainment. My kids love it.

After the dentist, I told Abe he could go to work, but when I got home and started to nurse Clarissa, my body went into a state of shock. I started shaking uncontrollably and lost feeling in my fingertips.  Lydia handed me the phone and I called Abe and asked him to come home.

He came right home, took Clarissa, and put me to bed. I was so cold I literally could not feel my hands and was shaking violently for the better part of an hour. He piled on blankets, brought in a space heater, gave me hand warmers and told me I was going to feel fine really soon. Eventually I started to warm up and spent the next hour cowering under the covers in abject misery.

Abe called our dear friend, Chelsea, who is a PA, and asked her what she thought I had. They were trying to decide if I should see a doctor, but I was not up to leaving bed, so Abe decided just to try to let me rest and see if that would help.

Eventually I slept and when I woke up, I was drenched in sweat and so hot that I threw off the covers, took off all of my clothes, and lay on the floor. Then I devoured ice cream my mom bought for me (still naked) and drank a ton of water.

After a detox bath wherein I tried my best to express milk from a plugged duct, I fell back into bed, which is where Chelsea found me when she came over for a surprise visit. I was sitting comatose in bed wearing just underwear when Chelsea’s bright, smiling self popped into my bedroom.

There have been very few times in my life that I felt so happy to see someone. Chelsea was wearing her stethoscope, and I felt SO grateful she had come to rescue me! She cheerfully sat down on the space heater in the middle of my chaotic bedroom and talked to me until my spirits were lifted. At that point, she examined me and discovered I have mastitis–on top of a virus or two that came from our recent viral week from Hell.

I can not express how much I love Chelsea. She is, in my mind, as perfect as people come. She is cheerful, unassuming, endlessly kind, charitable to the point of continual action, and just an incredible friend. I feel so lucky to have her in my life.

After Chelsea called in a prescription for me, I fell asleep. When I woke up, Abe had picked up the prescription and I started my second round of antibiotics this year.

Abe and I decided we are going to ban sugar again in April make the rest of the year the Year of the Gut: Everyone is going to eat probiotics, pickles, sauerkraut, everything with apple cider vinegar, yogurt, and vitamin supplements around the clock until our guts are healed, our immune systems are strong, and we no longer are a house of constant illness.

Also, my mom has been heroic in helping with the kids while Abe has been taking care of me. She has done a TON.  Abe has been heroic helping me and the kids on very little sleep. Ammon and Clarissa have been getting up a lot at night, and since I’ve been sick, Abe has been going to them all night long and then caring for all of us during the day. I fear constantly that he’s putting his health in jeopardy, but since I literally can’t do anything more to help, I’m just praying God gives him a pass on this round of sickness.

On Monday I was still feeling ill and Abe had been up all night because Clarissa and Ammon kept waking up (and, in Clarissa’s case, staying up). Abe realized he has a lot more days off this year than he has ever had and took the day off.

I hadn’t been to the temple in a long time and took advantage of the opportunity to go. I bumped into Lydia’s harp teacher, Anamae, at the temple! That was a highlight.

The temple also made me feel grateful for the painful experiences in life. They are an indispensable part of the knowledge I came to earth to acquire. Also, I love Eve. Mormons revere Eve for her bravery and forward thinking in eating the apple, and I feel that her story has layers upon layers of meaning, inspiration, and guidance for me. For example: Sometimes the “right” thing is not rigid obedience, but instead purposeful, intentional living. Even though Eve was beguiled by SATAN, her choice was, at the end of the day, one that we (at least Mormons) revere. It was a beautiful, inspired, thoughtful, faithful, loving choice. She stepped out of divinely drawn boundaries and by so doing became “the mother of all living.”

This tells me that God may not care as much about who inspired our choices as much as She and He care about how we make them.

I believe polygamy was not inspired, that women should have equal power in the church, and that gay people should be able to get married in the temple.  For me, these beliefs are a departure from the teachings of our prophet (divinely drawn boundaries for belief), but they are beliefs that I have thought a lot about and take personal responsibility for owning. They are just a few of my “apples.”  They come from my reading of Christ’s nature and life and are personal conclusions that I can wholeheartedly own.

I have  a lot more apples, and I am grateful to Eve for leading the way on living a life that questions and leads by action –and also follows in faith.

After the temple I came home quickly before heading back out for an appointment with my therapist. I have a tendency to treat her as a confessor, and while sometimes that helps me feel expiated, this time I felt like she was one step away from calling child services on me. I left feeling a little paranoid and panicky, which is not the point of therapy (at least I don’t think it is).

Then I met up with Abe, Clarissa, and Lydia for Lydia’s parent teacher conference. (My mom was at home with Ammon during his “nap” time and Mary’s coloring time.)

I felt like a terrible parent because I had just complained about my kids to the therapist, and then at the parent teacher conference Mrs. Issa reminded me that Lydia is AMAZING. She has the kindest, sweetest heart. She never has “girl drama” and is known for being kind to everyone. She is at the top of her class for math and social studies, and has made over one year’s progress in reading since August. She started off the year at decoding and now is at a 1.3 level (first grade, third month). Mrs. Issa said social studies is Lydia’s passion. She hangs onto every word and retains all of the details she learns about other cultures. (We already knew that because Lydia is bonkers about China and Germany, and really any other culture she gets a good introduction to.)

We were so proud of Lydia. My favorite part was being reminded of her sweet heart. She is so forgiving and kind. Sometimes that can get slightly hidden by how loud and joyfully obnoxious she can be (which is exacerbated by the fact that Mary has a sensitive nervous system and can’t handle loud people unless it’s herself throwing a tantrum…). Yikes! ANYWAY, Lydia is awesome, we’re proud of her and so grateful she’s ours. 🙂

Then we drove to Trader Joe’s and stocked up. I can’t wait until one opens in Orem this year. I really can’t.

We got back to Orem and hustled the girls to ballet and tumbling, and then it was time to eat a quick dinner before Mary’s piano lesson. I did not feel up to facing her teacher with the lack of practicing we did, so I let Abe go for me. He took some videos so I would know what to work on this week.

Then Abe got some ice cream for the girls to celebrate Lydia’s excellent parent teacher conference.

I was feeling feverish by that point and went to bed early.

On Sunday I was sick, so I stayed home from church and rested. I really wanted to go to church because I am always inspired there and felt in need of inspiration, but I also felt like if I didn’t sleep I would die. So I slept.

For FHE my mom helped Lydia prepare “Pin the Tail on the Donkey” for us. Lydia has been dying to play this game. The kids had so much fun and didn’t want to stop playing. We promised them they could play it again some other time.

Also some random pictures of Lydia and Mary’s artwork. Most of it is really sweet and fun to discover. Sometimes, though, we discover notes with not-as-sweet sentiments (such as the last note on the bottom from Lydia saying, “STAY OUT OF MY WAY! 🙁 ” I assume this was written after a bad harp practice. 🙁

 

On Saturday morning I tried to join Abe for our exercise routine, but while I was working out I started thinking about the Nas Daily clips and wondered, “Why am I not forest bathing in a Japanese forest right now? Instead I’m worried our dryer is broken, I haven’t slept in five nights (Clarissa woke up after Abe got home), and I live in Orem.”

At that point I felt so depressed that I just parked myself on the couch and watched Abe work out.

After that I told Abe I had messed up and done something wrong. I felt like my purpose revolved around smelling Japanese cherry trees, riding camels in Egypt, and studying the beauty of Moroccan window handles– and definitely NOT being home with four little kids all the time. I missed the boat. I made all the wrong choices! My life needed a drastic intervention.

At this point Abe got a little frustrated with me and blamed social media for my crazy delusional meltdown.

So I took my crazy meltdown upstairs and vented on my poor, sweet, unsuspecting mother and blamed her for all of my “bad” choices. It was one of my worst moments and I am not proud of my behavior. I’m not great at taking personal responsibility under normal circumstances, but under duress, I am particularly weak in this area. Thankfully I have a loving, forgiving mother who responded to my breakdown with love and kindness. I am so lucky.

We spent the rest of the day trying to recover from my meltdowns. I finally went to bed sort of early, although Clarissa again spent most of the night awake…

It was a rough day.

Here are some happy pictures, though!

 

On Friday I hadn’t slept in four nights, and so I can’t recall what happened. I think the kids had a good day and Clarissa was feeling better because I took these pictures:

I should have gone to bed the minute the kids went down, but in my zombie state I discovered the Nas Daily show and Nas’s girlfriend, Dear Alyne. I was so incapable of making good decisions that I binge watched everything until Abe came home at midnight. I am now obsessed with Nuseir and Alyne and have even invited them to General Conference. Alyne used to be LDS, so I figure she could snag Nas some tickets and they could do a cute little segment out here. I hope they come!

Anyway, when Abe finally came home after this crazy, crazy week, I was overjoyed to see him. I basically wrapped myself around him and didn’t let go. It was so wonderful to have him home.

Honestly, I don’t remember much that happened on March 01. I hadn’t slept for three nights and the day was a blur. (It is March 07 and I am back blogging.)

My favorite thing that happened that day happened to Abe. He got to meet our incredible, awesome renters, Shirlene and Linda. I am FB friends with Shirlene and have known all along that she is my type of person and that I love her. I figured the same was true for Linda. Half the reason I didn’t demand Abe fly home when Clarissa was hospitalized was because I wanted him to meet these women who have been in our condo for three years–and we’ve never met! I just knew it would be a good experience.

And it was. Shirlene and Linda are both med students at the University of Chicago. Shirlene is originally from Ghana and I’m not sure where Linda is from. But they are both, in Abe’s words, “totally delightful!” He called me raving about the experience and said I would love them so much. Shirlene is a somewhat well-known med-student cartoonist, and Linda is a creative film maker.

After this incredibly uplifting experience, Abe went to my old apartment building and dialed the code he used to dial to call my apartment. The code was “143.” 143 has a lot of significance because on my mission we wore pagers and “143” meant “I love you.” My missionary friends still use “143” with each other online and in person to express love.

While I was dating Abe, the code to my apartment was, randomly, 143. He remembers feeling happy, excited and in love while dialing those numbers, so he dialed them again just for fun.