Thursday was a peaceful day. Mary went to school (It was slipper day, perfect for Mary’s unicorn slippers!), but Lydia had thrown up in the middle of Wednesday night, so I kept her at home again. I couldn’t stand the thought of Ammon missing his library class, though, so we all went on that outing. Lydia was very sweet and even went to watch the toddler time puppet show. She was definitely more interested than Clarissa, who was zooming around trying to figure out how to best attach her mouth to the disgusting water fountain fixture and also taking books off of shelves.
One of my favorite parts of the day was reading my book during Clarissa’s nap while Lydia lay curled up next to me reading hers. Ammon crawled into bed with us because I guess we looked cozy.
Then at dinner to celebrate the last day of Black History Month we read several poems from Langston Hughes and discussed them with the kids. I love that my kids are old enough for these kinds of conversations! We had chicken enchiladas, salad, papaya, and jello with fruit that Abe made the night before. He was enamored with this video and enlisted the girls in the cause.
Abe played basketball in the evening and when he came back, I woke up from my late night nap and wasn’t able to fall back asleep until 5am. I spent part of the time ordering some birthday presents for Lydia and trying to figure out how best to do art history dinner discussions in the future. It was so fun.
Last night Lydia came into our room with another massive nosebleed. Sometimes her nosebleeds last almost half an hour, and during most of that time she is bleeding massively. I felt so, so sorry for her and wish there were something I could do to help alleviate her discomfort. Afterward she crawled into bed with us and slept really late. I don’t blame her–that nosebleed probably took a lot out of her.
I let the kids stay home from school again because Lydia was still feverish and lethargic, and Mary said her throat hurt. I think Mary is probably fine, but I like having her around and I feel like she doesn’t get enough free time in her normal schedule.
She also was a perfectly angelic daughter today. Both Ammon and Clarissa struggled emotionally today, and Mary read to them, played with them, and even gave Ammon a bath after he had an accident right while I was busy making dinner. Every time I asked Mary for ANYTHING (like, “Mary, could you please check the doors upstairs and make sure they’re closed so Clarissa doesn’t wander into the bedrooms?” or “Mary, could you please entertain Clarissa while I cook/clean/do laundry?” she would jump right to it with a smile the sweetest attitude. I love that girl so much.
Ammon was a nightmare and Clarissa refused to nap, so the fact that the girls were so wonderful made this day bearable.
Also, Abe was soooo amazing and gave me a long massage after the kids went to bed. He has so much going on at work and I am so grateful for how much he gives to me even when he is about to expire.
I am so tired of being sick and having the kids get sick. It was such a nice day outside, but we couldn’t enjoy it because of illness. I was scared to make the kids go on any outings because of what happened yesterday when I imposed the butterfly outing on them. Today I let them be in front of the TV all day (I feel like I’ve written that phrase in every blog for two months straight) while I cleaned, fed them, fed them, fed them, cleaned, fed them, did laundry, played with Clarissa, finished Harry Potter, and blogged.
I couldn’t run out for groceries so we had pizza for dinner, and Abe took a picture of Clarissa:
On Monday the kids had school off because of parent teacher conferences. All of the kids slept in, so Abe went to Lydia’s by himself. (Mary’s teacher was out and we have to go on a different day sometime for her.) This blog is basically private and we are writing for ourselves and our present and future family. So for those audiences, this next bit will hopefully not be off-putting, but informative and fun.
Lydia is a model student. She used to chatter in class a lot with her best friend, Grace, but the teachers separated them and that solved that. She is at a fourth grade reading level (although we thought that sounded a bit low, considering she can speed through Harry Potter books almost as fast as I can! She’s now on Percy Jackson and averages a book every two days. Maybe she’s skipping a lot of unknown vocab and got docked for accuracy…).
She’s at the top of her class in math. She is completing the multiplication unit and moving onto division. The goal for second grade is to complete the subtraction unit, which is what everyone else is doing. Her advanced state is entirely, one hundred percent due to Lydia’s own gift and effort. I have not worked on math with her since she was homeschooled, and honestly, back then I was so burnt out after reading and harp that we hardly did any math. I am too busy and burnt out to do more than ask her if she’s done her math homework, and sometimes I don’t even do that!
The teacher asked Abe and me to help her memorize her multiplication tables months ago, and both of us have never even tried. We’re always “too busy” or “too tired” or just bad parents, I guess. But Lydia, on her own, memorized her tables and is passing off that unit.
She’s also, her teachers said, extremely creative. This is definitely something we all know because in her spare time, when she isn’t reading, Lydia is ALWAYS creating things! She’s cutting out things, drawing, crafting, and sometimes even writing poetry for fun. This is a gift inherited from Abe, I feel sure.
Finally, her teachers said that whenever they ask, “Are there any questions?” Lydia always, always raises her hand. She almost never actually has a question, but she just feels some sort of primal need to respond to that question, it seems. Haha!
Abe and I were so thrilled to hear this report. It was SUCH a struggle to get Lydia to read, and I am thankful, thankful, thankful that she now has that skill. I am so grateful and amazed that she’s gifted in math. As a mom, I feel like to get my kids to achieve anything I have to put in a massive amount of blood, sweat and tears behind the scenes. It is kind of amazing and THRILLING to have Lydia achieve something remarkable without me lifting a finger! Negligence for the win!!
So after Lydia’s great report, Abe went to work and I spent the morning cleaning. Then I sat down with the kids and celebrated Black History Month with them by reading them out of Langston Hughes’ biography. I am still sick and congested, so every few paragraphs would end with me hacking, coughing, and gasping for air. But we plowed through and discussed Langston Hughes until I felt like my voice was almost gone.
Then we all sat down and watched Hidden Figures together. Mary didn’t understand the movie and was actually drawing racist conclusions about it, so I sat beside her and translated the whole thing for her. And then, to make sure those racist conclusions didn’t linger, I talked and talked and talked with my broken, raspy voice with all of the kids all the way to the Butterfly Biosphere in Lehi. I remember learning at Harvard that if you don’t actively teach kids to be anti-racist, they will organically pick up on the racist messages of our culture and unknowingly adopt racist biases and prejudices. I wish I had had more health and energy this month to celebrate black history more vigorously, but I guess all we can do is our best, right?
At the biosphere, Lydia started feeling REALLY sick. You can see it in the pictures. Soon after these were taken Lydia vomited in the lobby. She actually vomited blood and mucus everywhere because she’s been having loooong and frequent nosebleeds. It was so sad, but I couldn’t help her as much as I wanted because I was frantically running around with Clarissa on my hip trying to find/round up Mary and Ammon so we could help Lydia to the bathroom and leave. It was crazy, horrible and hectic and I felt so bad for Lydia who had to puke by herself while I was running around.
We took it really easy in the evening. Pictures (from before the puke):
bravely smiling through her pain for the camera.
One of the many things I adore about Clarissa is that she will actively take my hand and lead me wherever she wants to go. I don’t remember my other kids doing that, although it’s possible I’ve forgotten! It’s such a distinct pleasure, though, being lead around by a toddler. I love it so much. It’s hard to believe I would have forgotten this perk of motherhood.
Sundays are a sanctuary for me and today was no exception. We were late to church after I slept in from a deep and nourishing night of sleep. Clarissa was a mess in sacrament meeting, and I was exhausted, so I took her to the nursery room which caused me to miss Emma Freestone’s mission farewell talk, which apparently was unbelievably amazing and all about loving people as Jesus would love them.
I really enjoyed Elders Quorum A LOT. It was deeply nourishing to me to think on how Christ modeled love for us. While being spat on, insulted, whipped and even crucified, he stayed focused on His mission, which was to save everyone, in many cases, the very people that were directly wronging Him.
Today I had a lot to do as the financial clerk, so I didn’t get home until 2PM, when Clarissa had already woke from her nap. I still slipped in some rest and then went out to get some fresh air with the three youngest kids. I’m so eager to have spring here, and the weather today was decent, so I couldn’t help myself going to the park again with the kids. We fed the ducks again too!
This is Clarissa eating bread…that is supposed to be for the ducks
At home, we ate INCREDIBLE tortilla soup that Lily made and we read and discussed the first half of the Sermon on the Mount as a family. That was maybe my highlight of the whole week. Everyone participated and was engaged (except maybe Ammon and Clariss), and there was such good learning and discussion happening. The Sermon on the Mount is (in my opinion) hands down the most compelling sermon ever given. I loved chewing on it with my family 🙂
After dinner, my brother Jere came over. All the kids except for Lydia were in bed. We all worked on a puzzle and chatted together. Lydia went to bed after an hour or so, and then Lily, Jere and I talked until 10:30 as we finished our puzzle. Puzzling has been such a major discovery for me. It is such a peaceful, calm and fun way to socialize with people. It gives my brain something to do, but not so much to do that I can’t also be engaging with people. It is very calming for me. Lily and I LOVED talking with Jere. He is so interesting, thoughtful, smart and talented, yet very humble. Just a truly enjoyable time.
Above is the puzzle we made with Jere
This is how Ammon fell asleep puzzling in his room tonight. He also had a major blowout in his diaper we needed to handle….
A bit of Sunday Testimony:
Entry 2: God Loves You
In my last entry, I testified of the reality of God, based on a personal experience I had while I was on the mission. Today I want to testify of God’s love for me, for you, and for all of His children based on 2 Nephi 26:24-28.
I have defined love as: “Desiring the happiness for another so much that you are willing to sacrifice personally for it.” Within the context of my working definition of love, consider the following scripture:
“He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life that he may draw all men unto him. Wherefore, he commandeth none that they shall not partake of his salvation. Behold, doth he cry unto any, saying: Depart from me? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; but he saith: Come unto me all ye end of the earth, buy milk and honey, without money and without price. Behold, hath he commanded any that they should depart out of the synagogues, or out of the houses of worship? Behold, I say unto you, Nay. Hath he commanded any that they should not partake of his salvation? Behold I say unto you, Nay; but he hath given it free for all men; and he hath commanded his people that they should persuade all men to repentance. Behold, hath the Lord commanded any that they should not partake of his goodness? Behold I say unto you, Nay; but all men are privileged the one like unto the other, and none are forbidden.” -2 Nephi 26:24-28.
This scripture has played an important role in assuring me of God’s love. In moments when I feel unworthy or unconvinced of God’s love, His help, or His blessings, I can read this and remember that no matter who I am, or what I have done, and no matter what I’m feeling from life’s situations, God loves me (as evidenced by the laying down of His life) and He wants only for me to come and partake of His goodness and salvation. My behavior and failures will not change those facts. Other people doing hurtful things will not change that. Nothing can change that. This awareness inspires me even when life feels hard and cold, even when I am in sin and even when my anxiety and perfectionism tell me I’m not good enough or not worthy enough for God. This scripture cuts through all of the lies and reminds me that always and forever God loves me, and His invitation is constant: “I love you. Follow me and partake of my goodness.”
On Saturday I went to hot pilates and yoga…and I couldn’t make it through yoga. I thought I was either going to throw up, pass out, or both. So I ended up leaving early and spent the rest of the day virtually immobile in bed. Poor Abe, who has been on the verge of a meltdown, had to take care of the kids all day–with the exception of his morning run, which he reported was amazing.
I basically did nothing all day. Every time Abe tried to join me in bed a kid needed help, a neighbor would ring the bell, or he would get a call that required him to get up and move around. It was very sad.
Lydia also was immobile the whole day, but she was on the couch. She slept on and off all day, had a fever, and had a sore throat. We felt so sorry for her and let her watch as much Harry Potter and Percy Jackson and The Olympians as she wanted…which meant the other kids watched too.
In the afternoon Abe decided that even though he was about to break, he also wanted to get out of the house. So he took the kids to the park. We have pictures:
On Friday we had Clarissa’s well-check in the morning. She is in the 95th percentile for height and 59th for weight. She is perfectly on track for her physical development, although her vocabulary is on the edge of normal. The doctor advised me to read a book a day to her, so we came home and I read fifteen. The problem is Clarissa doesn’t sit through books like Lydia used to. I could read to baby Lydia for hours, no problem, but Clarissa will sit through one book–maybe two, but the rest of the time I’m reading to her as she zooms around the room, climbing on tables and spilling water deliberately all over the floor. She’s just too busy for books, I guess.
Then in the evening I had book club and we discussed The Age of Innocence for two hours. I absolutely LOVED this book, and was thrilled to participate in such a great discussion about it. I have grown to adore the ladies in my book group.
On Thursday Abe started shaking from anxiety in front of his computer, so he booked a massage and tried to stave off a panic attack by getting one right away. Work is actually going really well, he says, but it’s so intense, fast paced, and action packed that Abe is basically on the verge of a breakdown.
In the meantime, I was having a pretty peaceful morning at home cleaning the whole house, doing laundry, and reading to the kids. I also made chicken enchiladas for dinner and they were, if I do say so myself, pretty yummy. I also spent a lot of time rereading Harry Potter. I just love this series.
On Wednesday I totally lost it after school. Wednesdays are hard because we try to squeeze in dinner, homework, harp and piano, and dance outfit changes in before dance at 5:30pm. If the kids are being slow eating, I get very stressed out at the thought of ALL we have to do before our hard deadline of dance practice.
Anyway, the kids were being slow and I started screaming my head off about how nobody listens to me and how I wish they would just do what I asked the first time instead of ignoring me so that I repeat myself over and over and over until finally I give up and start YELLING, like this:
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO IF YOU KIDS WOULD JUST LISTEN THE FIRST TIME!!! IT WOULD BE SUCH A SHOCK THAT I MIGHT JUST HAVE A HEART ATTACK AND DIE OF SHOCK ON THE SPOT!!
…At which point Lydia, who was sitting glumly by her harp, replied, “Mom, that’s why we never listen the first time. We don’t want you to have a heart attack and die!”
She is hilarious, that girl.
Honestly, I spent the rest of the evening in a deep state of penance, letting the kids stay up way too late, and just mourning the fact that I can’t be a reliably calm, sweet mom all the time.
Mary had her 100 day at school and dressed up to be 100 years old! (She lost her glasses on Monday and we didn’t find them until Wednesday, so sadly she didn’t have them for her 100 day.) She was SO cute, though!!!
I don’t remember what happened on Tuesday but I do have this picture of a creation Lydia built. We were sure Clarissa would destroy it right away, but it survived a full three days before we finally disassembled it ourselves!
