Month: March 2019

On Sunday afternoon we went over to the Blosils’ house for home church. There were a lot of people there, and everyone was SO nice to the kids. Nic taught a lesson that included the kids acting out Peter walking on the waves to Jesus. Ammon was Peter and took the part so seriously. It was too cute.

Then we had a delicious lunch that made us want to buy a Traeger grill. Abe grilled some trout we had brought with us on the grill and it was… oh my goodness, so good. Also, Alex Blosil is a chef and made the most amazing sourdough bread ever.

Then in the evening the two younger kids, Abe and I walked all around delivering ward checks to people. Abe and I were discussing my faith journey and negotiating through the pain this causes him.

When we came home he decided to read the CES letter to better understand some of my concerns about the Church. I have so many theological, historical, and moral concerns, and honestly the CES letter just hits the highlights. But at the same time, my lived experience of the Church has been awesome, so full of blessings, friends, community, and faith. So that’s a tension I am working out in my heart and soul.

Abe was up until past midnight reading, and then he got up at 4:30am to go to the temple. I don’t know how he does it.

On Saturday so much happened. In the morning the babysitter, Anna, came over and then my mom and I headed to the MWEG (Mormon Women for Ethical Government) conference. It was so amazing and inspiring! We went to a workshop on loving your enemy and learned more about MWEG and how we could be more active citizen advocates. We also listened to several accomplished women speak, which was very motivating and uplifting.

Maybe my favorite part was running into my friend, Ellen Henneman. I knew her back when Abe and I were first married and living in Chicago. We have kept up online and have had more contact recently as it has become apparent that we share very similar political and religious paradigms. It literally felt like a shock of joy to see her in person (she lives in Washington and flew down for the conference).

Then we came home, and I kept the kids alive until bedtime. (Well, Clarissa kept bugging Bazi and got bitten and scratched…)

Then at 7 we had the first meeting of a book club a friend and I organized. It was an online meeting and it was SO CATHARTIC. We called the book club “the doorkeeper’s book club” after the Richard Rohr concept of doorkeeping. We connected on Zoom and had the best conversation about our faith journeys. Sometimes a faith journey can feel profoundly lonely, and I often wonder if I am crazy or evil. It was WONDERFUL to get together with friends and realize that these intelligent, beautiful souls share my very same feelings. It was awesome.

In the middle of the book club, Abe called. He was stuck in the mountains with a flat tire. He didn’t have any flashlights in his car, so I raced to find some and drive them up to him. I met up with him on the side of the road in the canyon and talked his ears off while he heroically changed the tire, which had fused on the car from rust. I kept suggesting we just leave it and call Triple A, but Abe never gives up and persisted until the problem was solved. He is the epitome of grit.

As soon as we got back, my friend Jen from the book club started texting me and then told me that my friend Candace’s husband had just died. I couldn’t believe the text and immediately called Candace.

That was one of the hardest calls. Really, I don’t feel comfortable blogging about my dear friend’s tragedy. It is horrible what she and her children are suffering. I really don’t have any words.

On Thursday it was a nice day again, so I took the kids outside. Clarissa kept trying to eat Bazi’s cat food…

On Wednesday Abe took Ammon fishing again. I took the girls on errands and then let them stay home from ballet again. I am seriously considering not doing dance next year. We always lose steam by March, and I don’t think they’ve gone once this month.

I also did a full bikram session in the morning. I spent the rest of the day feeling tired in my bones.

Abe was also tired but convinced me to go on a walk with him in the evening. We ended up chatting with a neighbor, Brad Jones, for almost an  hour. It was so fun to get to know him and the evening air was so refreshing.

Tuesday was a beautiful day, and in the morning a couple of moms in the ward met up at the park. I was really tired and anxious, and even though I enjoyed the sunshine, I ended up literally running away from the other moms halfway mid-sentence. (There was nothing wrong with them, but I had the sensation that I was putting my foot in my mouth again and again, and it was very uncomfortable.) Soon after Clarissa came toddling over and put her head in my lap, clearly tired too. It was a great cue to hightail it outta there.

Later in the day Ammon took his little friend, Jojo, on a ride around the cul-de-sac. I got a picture!

I have been in the bad habit of eating my stress emotions after the kids go to bed, so instead of hitting the carbs right away, Abe and I took a long walk…to Menchie’s. Well, we stopped on the way at this new dessert store, but the line was long and honestly the ice cream and desserts looked to fancy for what we were in the mood for. I like the idea of olive oil ice cream in theory…but honestly just wanted to eat frozen chocolate yogurt with lots of toppings. We talked the whole way there and back. It was so energizing to connect (and eat frozen yogurt).

On Monday Abe came home so stressed, and so he took the girls out to play basketball with him. Mary is actually pretty good at basketball so Abe was looking forward to shooting hoops with her.

Sadly, all of the kids were cranky and Mary ended up storming off the court screaming about the injustice of her life. Lydia ended up staying and playing with Abe.

Today, I mistakenly thought it was fast Sunday, but I decided to continue my fast once I discovered my error, and I got a lot out of it. Church was particularly good today. Audrey Hansen spoke on using the Atonement as a gift from God to help us through life, and in Elder’s Quorum, I learned more about selfless service.

At home, Lily and I talked a lot about the church, which was both stressful and expanding for me.  I love her and her integrity and depth of thought. I also got some rest.

For dinner, I finally got the salmon right :). The last two times I was a bit off in how I cooked it. They key was to not multi-task while grilling.

Over dinner, we discussed Matthew 13 and had an interesting conversation about why Christ taught in parables. On the one hand, it seems he taught in parables so people could use daily life experiences reflected in the parables as a way to access and understand the expansive and at times abstract principles he was trying to teach; principles that would otherwise be hard to grasp. On the other hand, Jesus explains in Matthew 13 that the reason he taught in parables was to make them hard to understand for certain audiences.  My personal conclusion is that Christ taught in parables to both make us have to work to understand them, and to make the message more clear once we have put in the work to understand them. I think when Christ teaches us in a way that forces us to work for the answer, it allows us to better appreciate and remember the insights and knowledge we get, because the struggle creates in us a richer soil for receiving the word. I feel this also applies to the Emily Dickinson’s poem, “To hear an Oriole sing” which we read over dinner yesterday. If Emily Dickinson would have just written, “It is the beauty within you that clothes the sights and sounds you hear with their beauty” I likely would have thought was very insightful and moved on. But because Emily Dickinson put that concept in a parabolic puzzle that we had to sort, de-tangle, and struggle to translate, I was doubly impacted by the meaning. As Thomas Paine said, “we esteem to lightly that which we obtain to cheaply.” By making His disciples work for the meaning of parables, Christ both enabled them to esteem the lessons more highly, and he also made the lessons more accessible (because of their relationship to every day life) once they were uncovered. This theory is one of the few ways I can make sense of Matthew 13:15. Jesus doesn’t want people to understand His word, or even receive His word, unless they are in a position to appreciate it, and esteem it as having great worth. By gating his word and making it available only to those who work for it, he ensures that when His word is received, it is valued, and ideally, implemented.

After dinner, there was a wonderful lesson about the good Samaritan from Georgia and the kids. Here is an adorable video of their performance:

We also played picture sherades

After putting the kids to bed, Carolyn Blosil, the Relief Society President visited with Lily and me.  We had a two hour conversation that was so richly nourishing. She was so loving, accepting, wise and enjoyable.  Lily and I were both richly blessed by her visit. Then I played guitar while Lily massaged her mom’s feet and chatted with her.

***Sunday Testimony***

When I was in Rome on a Europe trip with my friends and brother, I brought with me a church book to help prepare me for my mission. In that book, there was a section that discussed the doctrine from my church that I have a mother in Heaven, who is my God, just as my Father in Heaven is.  In that section, I read the words from the song “O My Father” “In the heav’ns are parents single? No, the thought makes reason stare! Truth is reason; truth eternal Tells me I’ve a mother there.” When I read that phrase, right there in the center of Rome, I had the spirit witness to me powerfully that I do indeed have a Mother in Heaven.  I don’t know much about her, or how to incorporate Her into my life. I really need and want to go deeper into that relationship. But for the time being, I at least want to testify, that I KNOW SHE IS THERE!

 

Since Abe was actually here this weekend, we had a really easy day just catching up from all of our previous, hectic weekends. I went for a run, dropped Mary off at a birthday party in Mapleton, took Ammon to the library, checked out some books, and made some taquitos for dinner.

Abe went to pick up Mary from the party and took Ammon with him. He hadn’t actually eaten much all day, and so he decided to swing into Wendy’s. Unfortunately the drive-thru was really long and Ammon was asleep, so Abe just parked, ran in, ordered a couple burgers, went to the restroom, picked up his food and came back out.

When he came out there were people standing by the car and Mary told him that they had called the police on Abe. The people confronted Abe, who just didn’t respond and instead waited for the police officer to come.

When the police officer arrived, Abe explained the situation, and the police officer said he didn’t see anything wrong with what Abe had done.

After it was all done, Abe called me and told me what happened. He wasn’t upset at the people who had called the police, but he was stressed from the interaction. I will tell you right now, the last thing Abe needs right now in his life is more stress. He is basically stress incarnate because of his job, and I was terrified this would push him over the edge into panic and depression.

To help Abe, we all played basketball (I just lifted Ammon up repeatedly to the basket) and I took the young kids on an errand so Abe could decompress and nap.

Then in the evening we stayed up late doing a puzzle together. It was fun, and I seriously hope it helped a little.

I have two takeaways from this. One is that I won’t leave my kids in the car for even 5 minutes anymore. We do have laws to protect parents in these situations, but still. The other is I am going to try to do something positive and HELP the next time I feel judgmental of someone else’s parenting. If I can’t or won’t help, then I have no excuse to judge. (I have no excuse anyway, but this is a great reminder of that.)

Our puzzle, which had awesome puzzle shapes and such fun colors:

On Friday Abe came home a little early because he was so tired and exhausted. I gave him a massage and then we ate dinner and cleaned the house for my book club.

We read Educated, or rather, everyone who hadn’t already read it read the book. We had a very lively discussion that got most interesting when the subject of voice and voice development arose. I loved hearing everyone’s thoughts on how to develop our voice and our children’s voices. Honestly, I fell really in love with my book club. It was just so fun to hear all of the women and their perspectives. A new member read a poem she wrote, which was amazing. Abe said it sounded like pure mirth for two and a half hours. It was.

On Thursday I felt really overwhelmed by Clarissa. Normally on Thursdays I take the kids to the library, but she was sick this Thursday. I think she got sick from the last library trip when she would not be deterred from sucking on the drinking fountain.

She is so adorable and starting to talk and say cute things. At the same time, I am just under water trying to keep up with her. So by the time the afternoon rolled around, I was feeling kind of depressed. Abe called and after he found out I was feeling bad, he came home a little early, gave me a massage, and helped me declutter and clean the whole house. Nothing makes me feel better these days than massages and a clean house. Thank you, Abe.

We took pictures of these plates Lydia made a while ago. They have been decorating our mantle because it makes me so happy to look at them, but in our decluttering, we took them down. I want to preserve them in memory at least because they are such a darling representation of our family, as depicted by seven year old Lydia: