On Friday Abe and I went to cross fit again, and at the end we did a two minute sprint on this type of bike where you use both your arms and your legs. I forget what it’s called, but oh my gosh, both of us were DYING by the end. I honestly wondered if I was going to have a heart attack, and both of us spent the rest of the evening coughing because the passage between our heart and our mouths (the esophagus?) felt burnt up by two minutes of non- stop, super intense gasping.
Then we came home, got the kids ready for bed, and called the babysitter to come back because they were so hyper that bedtime clearly was not going to work. Robert came back and took care of the kids while we went to go see the last Avengers movie. It was AMAZING. But I spent most of my time with my eyes closed, plugging my ears, and trying to climb into Abe’s lap to hide from the screen. So even though I caught the gist of the movie, I think at some point I will have to, er, rewatch it.
Then we came home, I gave my mom a foot massage and told her about the movie. I couldn’t believe how late it was. That movie is long!
One thing that has been really hard for Abe is the idea that my decision about church means that we are going to grow apart. We have talked a LOT this week about practical steps we can take to make sure this does not happen. Up until now, we both feel that our marriage has felt honestly magical. Of course we have hard moments, but for the most part our flow has been really easy and joyful, and we have felt extremely unified. Abe is scared that because I am leaving the church, this unity will disappear.
So some practical steps we are taking to make sure that our marriage is always our top priority are: We are going to start couple’s counseling from therapists that specialize in faith transition and interfaith marriage. I am going to read along daily with Abe’s scripture study schedule, and he is going to read my spiritual books and devotionals too. We are going to make sure we spend a lot of time just focusing on each other and also having fun together. And most importantly, we are going to talk, talk, talk with each other whenever one of us is feeling sad or scared or like our needs aren’t being met. This is our current plan, and right now it feels like it is working. Even though we are both still dealing with all sorts of our own personal fears, we feel extremely in love and connected right now.
For me right now, God Is Love. And the greatest love in my life is Abe, so Abe and God are all jumbled up together. No faith journey is worth damage to my marriage, but I also think that I need to be spiritually and emotionally healthy to be my best self in the marriage. So we’re trying to figure all of this out right now.
