Month: June 2019

Lily,

I am at work, but want to take a minute to wish you a happy birthday on our blog.  In the past six months, I have been particularly in love with you, and I pray you have not only a happy birthday, but also that your 36th year will be your best year yet!

In this past year, you have shown so much courage. Courage to explore, courage to think for yourself. Courage to be yourself. Your spiritual breakthroughs have catalyzed my spiritual breakthroughs, and what you have taught me is that we all hold different pieces to the puzzle of human experience, and as soon as I can drop the idea that I have the whole puzzle, I can embark on a life that is dazzled by all of the pieces others can share with me. It has been breathtaking to learn to learn, and that is something you have taught me.

Thank you for creating new passions in me. New passions for classical music, for reading, for travel, for adventure, for amazing food, for new ideas. Thank you for your spirituality, for introducing me to Nas, and Richard Rohr and sharing my love for Paul. You have brought SO much color to my life.  Thank you for being a friend. For making me feel I can be myself around you. For forgiving my errors SO graciously. For making me feel important, capable and loved.

Thank you for the way you love others. For the experiences you have that uniquely translate to others. I’ve seen the way you’ve ministered to so many other people this last years, especially those with spiritual wrestling. You are wise, loving and so so so empathetic.

Thank you also for the sacrifices you have made for our family. You are currently on medication and wearing orthopedic shoes (I still think they are cool!) still coping with one of the many physical pains you face from all your body has been through in both baring and raising children. Thank you for giving beautiful experiences to our children, even when you are in pain. When you cut up fruit so they could do fruit art on Monday evening, I was so happy to contemplate the creativity and fun you bring to their lives, not to mention the month-long trip you have just organized for them. So much of what you do is for them, and for me. I hope today, your birthday, will be much more about you.

Most of all, thank you for sharing life with me. For sharing dreams with me. You are my joy, my life song, my best friend, my sun and my stars.  Thinking about you makes me smile, and your love is the greatest gift of my life.  Among other joys you find on your birthday, may one of them be my shouting from the rooftops, “You have filled me with joy! I’ve never been so in love!! You are a dream-come-true to me! My oasis!!I love you!!”

I had such a wonderful birthday! My favorite thing about my birthday is the sensation of entitlement I feel the whole day long. That feeling of, “I can give myself permission to do ANYTHING because today’s my birthday!” is one I look forward to all. year. long.

And this birthday was honestly so great. In the evening my friend, Jean, arrived and we picked her up from the airport as a family. We were going to try to all drive to my friend’s husband’s piano concert, but it got too crazy so we just drove to Rodizio’s and ate a lot. Also, I showed her Reid Moon’s bookstore, which is so impressive. (It’s full of incredible rare books and artifacts.)

Today I was still sore from Saturday, and I was really tired so I was the grumpiest I have been with the kids in months. I was really, really unpleasant. Finally during Clarissa’s nap I grudgingly helped Lydia start up her lemonade stand and then retreated to be by myself for hours. That helped a lot and the kids all forgave me when I told them I was sorry (four hours later). My mom was a saint and really helped the kids with the lemonade stand.

I did managed to clean the house, do a bunch of laundry, make soup, supervise a harp practice and bathe the babies. Then I took a nap when Abe came home. At 7:30 we went to cross-fit. I was sure I wouldn’t be able to do more than cheer Abe on, but the work-out actually helped loosen up my muscles. I guess that’s good to know! I almost died in the work-out, but that’s the story of cross-fit I guess.

Also, Lydia is old enough to start reading the blog! Today I asked her what she read for her hour of reading, and she said, “the blog.” She goes around quoting parts and laughing. It makes me sooooooo happy. It’s a literal dream come true.

On Father’s Day Abe and I were both so tired and sore from cross-fit and gardening that we both basically hobbled the entire day. Lydia and Mary were enthusiastic enough to make up for my inability to do much beside apologize profusely for not being more festive. Mary gave Abe the t-shirt she made for him with Nana’s help. The t-shirt shrank in the wash so when Abe put it on it was basically a belly shirt.

Lydia baked Abe a cake entirely by herself. Okay, our neighbor Liberty helped her, but for the most part there were no adults present during the cake baking/assembly process.

I did make Abe a breakfast of hummus and avocado toast, a fruit and granola acai bowl, and eggs. For dinner we had salmon, minted peas, coconut rice, and lots of fruit.

After dinner we sat outside for hours and hours visiting with our neighbors while the kids ran around. Abe also started trying to clean off the sidewalk, which is full of mud from our gardening efforts.

I was so sore and tired that I did not even give Abe a card yesterday. So in lieu of that…

Abe is the best dad I could possibly imagine for my kids! I feel like pinching myself every day that I wake up and remember I am married to him and that my kids get him for their father. Lately I have often wondered how heaven could possibly be better or even different than being married to and parenting with Abe. He is so giving, so kind, so funny, so playful, so hard working, so intelligent, so intentional, and SO wise. Also, when I am being too hard on the kids, he has this way of supporting their cause while still making me feel secure and supported.

For example, after dinner I was going to make the older girls watch one hour of conference talks and write essays because of their church behavior, but Abe rescued them. He reminded me that we had just studied the atonement over dinner and had just discussed the idea of second chances. He then paused until I took the bait and said the girls could have a second chance (even though this is more like a third chance, but that’s missing the point entirely, I guess!).

And even though he could barely move, he spent a long time scootering around the cul-de-sac with Clarissa. Every time he stopped she would plaintively say, “More,” and Abe would get back on and keep going. And because he is awesome, he forgot he was in pain and had so much fun while he was doing it. (I have a hard time forgetting I am in physical pain, and I am very impressed that Abe’s love of life and fun can override the pain so quickly.)

Abe is beloved by all of his children, near-worshiped by me, and deeply respected, admired and loved by our friends and community. On Father’s Day he also taught a beautiful lesson in church. Even though I wasn’t there, I made him tell me everything he said, and he kindly filled me in. Abe does a perfect job walking that line in church of saying things that sound orthodox enough to be trustworthy yet challenging enough to make people pause and question. Every time he makes a comment, people come up to him after church and thank him. And the people who can’t wait in line to thank him text me and tell me to thank him for speaking up.

We all adore you, Abe. Happy Father’s Day!

On Saturday morning Abe and I went to cross fit, dropped his car off for repairs, and then headed home to take care of the kids. We had a huge gardening project that took the whole day. Abe spent the entire day on it, and I bounced between taking care of kids, going to the nursery to pick out plants with my mom (three trips!), and planting with Abe until 12:30am. It was BEAUTIFUL weather and even though honestly it felt hard to dig holes in the rocky soil for hours and hours, it was so fun and peaceful to do together.

Here’s the finished product (taken two days later). This used to be a mound of grass with a bricked circle of tulips in the middle:

The girls also were in a play in the afternoon, and we were supposed to go to our friend’s play at UVU, but ended up being so wrapped up in the garden project that we had to skip it. It was a busy day!

On Thursday Mary went to her new eye doctor for therapy. Abe attended with her and is very committed to her improvement. I think the fact that he has really poor eyesight himself gives him an added depth of understanding for the challenges that Mary’s facing. He has posted a picture in his home work space (our closet) from her journal where she drew her eyes and wrote, “My eyes, my eyes, my beautiful eyes! How could I see without my eyes?”

After that they went out to eat quickly before her piano lesson. We practiced hard for the lesson, and Abe reported it went well.

I am so proud of Mary. I feel like she gets overlooked so often not just in our family, but in the blog. But she is the cutest thing ever and seriously the BEST big sister to Clarissa. She is endlessly patient and always adoring with her baby sister. I can always count on her to be a perfect babysitter when I need to do something like fold a load of laundry or clean a room. And her heart is pure sweetness. When she talks, the things she says and the way she says them are almost unbelievably innocent and have this Mary-mix of certainty mixed with a tad of wonder. Her own view of the world is just forming, so she is still curious about so much. At the same time, she states the things she thinks she knows with adorable certainty. It’s very endearing. We all love her so much.

On Wednesday I spent an hour with Mary on the piano while Lydia babysat the babies in the basement, and then I spent an hour and a half with Lydia on the harp while Mary babysat the babies. They are both SO good about their practice and morning routines this summer. I am so proud of their hard work. Every morning they make their beds, clean their rooms, eat breakfast, practice one hour and read for one hour. And they are starting to do these things without me saying anything, which feels like a miracle to me.

In the afternoon they had acting camp for two and a half hours, which they both seem to love.

After acting camp we came home and I took Lydia, Ammon and Clarissa to the pool. Mary was tired and wanted to stay home, so I let her do that with my mom. At the pool Lydia went down the big slide by herself a lot, and Clarissa wore her floatie for the first time! She was in Clarissa-heaven. Clarissa’s favorite thing, as we have said before, is water. So the fact that she could be surrounded by water without me holding her was just a dream come true. She grinned and paddled and tried to kick. It was adorable.

Afterward Abe let the kids run around outside while he worked. He had a ton of work to do, but he took some pictures of the kids while they were together.

On Tuesday we went out with the Kahlers to the Melissa Inouye launch of her new book, Crossings: A Bald Asian American Latter-Day Saint’s Adventures through Life, Death, Cancer, and Motherhood (not necessarily in that order). We also met up with my friend Alainna Beus there.

Adam Miller and Neylan McBaine were on the panel presenting, and we were so excited to be sitting in the second row. We are all Adam Miller groupies, so it was kind of a thrill. My friend Emily went up to him afterward and got a picture with him:

I was really tired before this outing and spent most of the day feeling kind of sick. I am on steroids because of my foot and I think those helped the bug from turning into a full blown illness.

Abe is almost sick from stress, but this outing really helped him get out of work mode for a bit.

I spent a lot of the day making chicken tikka masala for 20 people. In total it was more than 10 pounds of chicken tikka masala and who knows how many pounds of eggplant curry. So probably it was for more than 20 people. One of our neighbors is pregnant and has a TON of people in her family, so we gave them dinner and then ended up having so much left over that I did not have to cook for the rest of the week.

After dinner Abe and I went to cross-fit and then Abe took the girls roller skating until 10pm. He played “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” in the car and they just loved it.

I arranged for Mary to have a play date with her friend, Bailey. They were ADORABLE. After my workout I picked up some simple crafts and they just had a blast making dragon eggs out of air clay and coloring some textured pages.

Abe was also really happy to be home with his baby again: