On Thursday night I slept with Clarissa because it was too cold to let her sleep in the little Kidco tent we brought with us on the trip. She started the night by hugging the hot water bottle like a stuffie but then ended up with her feet on my belly and spent the rest of the night grunting and pushing against my belly so that she could poop. She pooped twice in the course of several hours. I didn’t sleep much that night, but I adored sleeping with my baby. Her movements and sounds (if not the, um, smells) were so adorable.
In the morning we ate breakfast at the mess tent with the babies while the girls played and colored happily together. After breakfast, we piled in the car and headed over to the Pelindaba Lavender Farm. Both of our phones were about to die, which is HORRIBLE because the lavender farm was beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. But we did get some pictures before our phones died:
Ever since I visited the south of France as a child and smelled all of the lavender soaps and sachets there, I have associated the smell of lavender with sunshine, summer vacation, and France. Even with those amazing connotations, I can’t say I’ve always loved its spicy, assertive fragrance. It’s only recently that I have really started to fall in love with its scent, and visiting the lavender farm was a total turning point. Being there with my family, watching my kids run through the lavender, and reading its history (it was the culinary equivalent of rosemary until relatively recently!), I am smitten.
After the lavender farm, we visited Lime Kiln State park to look for whales. We didn’t see any there, although the girls had fun tidepooling and Ammon made a friend on top of the cliff. We didn’t let him climb down it to the tidepools, so he sat next to a grandma watching her granddaughter clamber around the tidepools below, struck up a conversation–as he does with literally EVERYONE–and became fast friends.
Afterward on our drive to Friday Harbor, we saw orcas playing in the ocean! We pulled over and sat next to a friendly Dutch family and watched them play. I didn’t get any pictures of the whales but I got a picture of where we saw them:
As we drove around the island, we saw a lot of beautiful, creamy shrubbery on the sides of the road. I snapped some pictures as we drove by just because this creamy, rusty plant was so ubiquitous on San Juan Island.
Then we drove to Friday Harbor and had the most delicious shellfish and clam chowder for lunch. Afterward we had ice cream. When Mary presented Clarissa with a purple cone of ice cream, she was dumbfounded. Then she spread out her arms, stomped her right foot, and grabbed the cone in delight. Come to think of it, this is her first real ice cream cone. (She’s had plenty of soft serve Dairy Queen and plenty of ice cream in bowls, but this was her first time having real ice cream in a cone.) I think she liked it:
Ammon also liked his:
And then he fell asleep from all of the activity.
We went to the whale museum while he napped. Abe and I took turns with him in the car. While I was in the museum, Lydia and I met the loveliest teenage girl who was teaching kids about whale bones. She was absolutely DARLING. So engaged with the kids and so fun to talk to. I love meeting wonderful youth. They give me hope for the future.
After that we went back to the campsite. Abe dropped me off in the tent for a GLORIOUS nap while he drove back to Friday Harbor for more of the whale museum and picked up some pizza. At some point he also played games with the kids:
We finished the day with pizza and s’mores.
After all of this I gave the three kids a shower in the camp bathroom. My foot was really hurting and I get stressed in those small camp showers trying to keep clean clothes dry and off the ground. Also, I had to physically put my hand in front of a sensor for water to come out of the shower, and so I was shampooing all of my kids with the other hand. And Mary didn’t want to shower. So, I was a bit snappy with my kids and since it was rush hour in the camp bathroom, everyone could hear me. I was so tired I was beyond caring…until it came time to brush everyone’s teeth and Ammon’s gums started bleeding from the boo-boo that happened on the first night of the trip. At that point, he announced to the whole bathroom crowd that the reason his boo-boo was bleeding was because I yelled at him, he bled, and he was sad.
I about died. So many women threw me dirty looks, although one was really nice and told him that his mom loved him very much. It was a little disquieting though because then she told me repeatedly that I had really good kids. I was dying of shame by that point. I must have come across as this really abusive, terrible mom for everyone to think not only did I not appreciate my kids, but I might also abuse them! I did not go back to the bathroom for the rest of our time on San Juan island. It was painful, but not as painful as being that embarrassed.
Maybe some day I will lose the capacity for feeling shame. I thought I was beyond it when I was trying to get my kids clean in the shower. But just minutes later I realized, nope. I can still feel embarrassed. I don’t know if it’s just me, but it seems motherhood gives ample opportunities for me to venture beyond the realm of humility into just downright shame.
After that, I was ready for bed. Lydia and Ammon snuggled, Abe and Mary snuggled, and Clarissa and I snuggled. Clarissa slept much better this night, which was sooooo wonderful and felt like an answer to prayer.