Me being done with Orthodox Mormonism has given me both freedom and lack of inspiration. It was much easier to be motivated every day as an Orthodox Mormon, when I felt like I had all the answers, and knew what life was about, and felt sure of a God who was protecting me, loving me, guiding me and forgiving me. I have certainly not thrown those concepts out the window, or the church and all it has to offer. But I am in a place of much more more openness, humility and learning, and therefore also, uncertainty. Some days it’s hard to feel motivated when I just wake up to a bunch of questions. One thing I have been doing lately just to help myself is to grab onto an inspirational thought our quote at the beginning of the day just to give me some light or motivation, something to hold on to to help me through the day.
This morning I read the following in my weekly scripture calendar that I built for myself, “
“Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can. But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important—and what is most important almost always involves the people around us.” – Thomas S. Monson
My life has been profoundly impacted by the words of President Monson, and the reminder of those words that have touched me before gave me light for the day and they played a role later in the day.
In the morning we caught these cute pictures and a video of Clarissa before I went to work. One of the kids Nanny’s bought these for her while Lily and I were in Bora Bora. Both Lexi and Nicole did such an amazing job wile we were gone. I wanted to give that shout out here, because I did not give one properly before!
Here is a video link of me getting Clarissa to say, “I cool.”
Work Wednesday was again hard. I felt completely wiped out and discouraged at my health. It seemed like all my peers were so buoyant and energetic while I’m barely cobbling together an only semi-respectable work day with my broken energy and health, and that after such a magical vacation! But, it is what it is. I’ve been getting really into meditation and mindfulness lately and that practice has helped me to feel peace and focus even when I’m tempted to be angry or frustrated at challenging or unwanted circumstances.
Lily also was still tired and exhausted at home. When I got home from work, all I wanted to do was collapse, and I did. I found my way directly to the couch. Then Clarissa and Ammon (who are like two peas in a pod, seemingly always together, either palling around, playing or fighting) came to me and asked to play chase. I almost said, “no” because I was so exhausted, but then I thought of President Monson’s words, and thanks be to God, I found the strength. We played chase. I threw them on the coach. They giggled and laughed and ran and we all had a great time. Mary was at piano, but even Lydia joined in. In the end we all had a wonderful time. I.Love.My.Kids.