Sunday was a cozy day, it always is, and that is why I love it 🙂
This Sunday was especially cozy because Clarissa fell asleep next to me, I think while I was reading a book. I plopped her on me, and just rested while that sweet little puppy slept on me. She is so sweet, warm, and cuddly and I felt like liquid love and sunshine were seeping into me from her. I love my little Clarissa!
At 2:00 we all watched a session of General Conference. Yesterday, I didn’t watch any or try to get the kids to watch any because it felt like a lot of logistical pain to go through and I was struggling to see the value the kids and I would get out of it, especially considering the chaos involved.
That said, at the end of Saturday, I felt a loss, like I missed something. There is a lot in the church I don’t necessarily agree with or believe in, but there is still a lot there that I do love, and do believe and do agree with, or at minimum, that I value and cherish. It felt like I missed a family reunion. Something familiar and cherished.
On Sunday, I asked Lily if we could all watch conference together. She was 100% supportive. I told her she did not need to join us if it would be triggering or upsetting for her, but she joined us. It was wonderful to all watch together. Yes, conference did have its pain. Pretty much all church pain for me happens when the church points to and builds up itself as a tribe, to the exclusion and pain of outsiders, instead of simply pointing to God and love. But still, interwoven with painful, or messages I felt were immature, were also beautiful messages, comforting messages, a sense of belonging and community, and renewed faith in God. I especially loved President Nelson’s invitation to “Hear Him”. It reminded me a ton of Glennon Doyle’s book “untamed” where she talks a lot about getting quiet and hearing God. Just like Barbara Brown Taylor says, so many different religions and spiritual guides are all pointing at the moon. There is no need to argue who has the best finger 🙂
I will say, though, that conference was also triggering for both me and Lily. It probably took me about a day to process the messages, and think through what I want to take with me and what I want to reject, and how I feel about my LDS faith in general. Lily spent the next few days in deep conversations with friends on Facebook processing it, especially a comment that Elder Uchtdorf made referencing some people who leave the church as “headstrong and unruly” or something like that. Ultimately, Lily made a post that I was so profoundly proud of. Lily has really worked hard to arrive at a place of love after leaving the church in the face of so much of what can feel disrespectful. Here is her post:
“This morning I woke up and discovered that in a worldwide conference one of my former favorite church leaders described post-Mormons (like me) as angry people who, like headstrong children, have packed their bags and rejected God and his church.
I have sat all morning allowing myself to feel and process the pain of these words, labels, and stigma. The way post-Mormons are characterized is a regular feature in LDS meetings, but the sting of feeling these adjectives applied to me from the church’s most powerful pulpit feels fresh.
After hours of meditation, I have two things to say to my believing friends and family.
1. I love you.
2. I am sorry for all of the negative energy and cynicism I have added
to this unfortunate feud. I have done more than my share of
misunderstanding, mischaracterizing, and mislabeling you. Please forgive
me.
One of my first instincts upon learning of this talk was to think that if I just put a live-cam in every room in my house, my life itself would speak some kind of spell to dispel these labels. But, obviously, that’s silly. Here’s what I can say, though.
As a believing Mormon I was:
happy
valued love, service, and kindness
believed in education and pursued it vigorously
loved my family
felt motivated by the Church to be my best and truest self
As a post Mormon I am:
happy
value love, service, and kindness
believe in education and pursue it vigorously
love my family
feel liberated to be my best and truest self
Our common humanity and values are more important than our differences. It is hard work to see each other as people first, categories second. It is hard, hard, hard for me. But I love you, and I want to do better by you. So let’s walk this life together, shall we? In love, please and always.”
Anyway, I am blown away by the energy and love in this post, and it inspires me when I read it. Later in the week (I forget which day) Lily and Georgia had the sweetest conversation together in which there was so much acceptance and reconciliation.
Anyway, conference was intense yet (for me at least) comforting. I’ll leave it at that.
I was dying to get out of the house. After conference, we all set out to drive the Alpine loop. We didn’t get very far before we realized it was still closed for the winter. We turned around, a little disappointed, but quickly found ourselves delighted when we got a very up-close show from a Turkey.
Here is a video of the turkey.
Here is another video of the turkey.
Here are pictures!
Then we set out to go to my favorite spot up Squaw Peak Canyon. We almost immediately found that that road was closed. There were very few people, so we walked up the road a bit and found a trail that nobody appeared to be on. We had the most wonderful hike, and it was so lovely to get out in nature. We only past two people at the very end of the trail. Otherwise, it was completely desolate. I loved it so much. And the kids had fun too! Ammon is such a fun adventurer. He has gotten very wrapped up in the idea of looking for snakes so if I remember correctly, he spent a fair share of the hike focusing on that. He’s also been looking for snakes in our yard. That activity generally involves a stick and digging. It was so fun to hike with him, Clarissa, and Lydia. Mary was asleep in the car with Lily (who wasn’t feeling great). Here are the photos from our hike!
