Today, Lily and I used our new gallon bottles to motivate us to drink more water. Lily didn’t start until noon, but still pulled it off. I drank my whole gallon too, and made many many trips to the bathroom. Yay for hydration.
Also, Mary practiced the piano for 5 hours today and learned a new piece for the second day in a row. I will also note that Lydia did an awesome job self-starting on getting her harp done today. Go girls!
Also, Lydia stumbled upon my Greek God costume and begged me to wear it when I finished work. I obliged, and it turned into a full-fledged costume party for the evening.
This morning, I woke up and made waffles and a waffle bar for the family. Lily and I have been craving Krustez pancakes, but in absence them, I made the waffles. It all turned out really well and people loved it.
After breakfast, Lydia, Mary and Ammon played jungle with the toys my mom dropped off yesterday.
And Clarissa played with the bubbles my mom gave her. She kept spilling so I got pretty good at making blow-bubble solution.
I watched church at 11:00 and rested afterwards. Then I helped Lily organize a shelf, and I planned travel, and how to get our house ready to AirBnb with her. Then Mary made an unbelievable zucchini cake. We had it after our taco dinner. What a yummy day!
After dinner, Ammon started dancing with his feet sticking up out of the couch to mimic the artistic swimming he saw when we watched the Olympics this week. The other kids joined in, and I got two incredibly cute videos of them dancing.
Lily was feeling incrementally better today and we are so excited that she is going in the right direction.
In the morning, my mom came to our back yard to get her pillow which we accidentally ended up with after the Denver trip, and she gave back things she ended up with and gave the kids a bunch of goodies including these cute bags the kids played with. She also gave us walkie talkies and bubbles that the kids have been playing with a lot.
Today I decided to get everyone out of the house after being cooped up all week. The two constraints were how to still quarantine and how to get away from the disgusting smoke that is in our air right now. I researched a very desolate trail near fish lake and hoped that would fit the bill.
After Lydia and Mary did music practice (I intended to have Ammon do his, but I didn’t get it done), and I tidied the house, we took off around 2:00.
It was so fun to go to the fishlake area, because I’ve never explored that area before. I was delighted to learn that it is just 45 minutes south of I-70. That makes I-70 officially my favorite road. Just south of I-70 are Moab, Goblin valley, and fish lake, and the San Rafael Swell is right on I-70. On the way down, I realized the drive was taking longer than I expected, so I pivoted to stop at the first totally desolate looking trailhead I could find. The first one was too desolate, as in, there was no longer a trail there. But the second one fit the bill. It was an ATV trail called sheep’s Creek.
The trail started out a bit rough because I was stressed and kids were complaining. Clarissa was the most difficult, but it turned into a giant whining fest that was very discouraging. I will say though, that by the end, everyone turned it around, and [I think] had a good time. I for one was so grateful to be in nature with my family. The air was still not the best, but better than what we had in Orem. I was also grateful to have the kids practicing hiking. I hope they get to the place of learning to love hiking inherently, even if there are bugs, or it’s not time for a water break, or their legs are tired etc. Also, we did not see a soul on the trail, which was the goal, and Basil had a ton of fun running around.
Here are some scenes from the trail:
One part of the trail had a lot of beautiful Aspens. This is near the Pando forest, the oldest and largest living organism in the world I think.This was a huge grasshopper! We’ve seen two amazing grasshoppers in a row recently (thinking back to the one we saw in Florida)
There were a TON of cows on the trail. At one point we turned turned back on a trail because a cow was moving towards us trying to head us off from going forward [it seemed] and I thought I saw a young cow near it, and I just didn’t want to get into any complicated situations with just me and the kids. We saw a lot of cows throughout the trail. Towards the end, Basil started barking at them, and I’m not sure if he approached one or not. So the cows made things a bit tricky (even on the drive home, see below!), but they also made things very fun and interesting. I think it was Mary who commented that the name sheep’s creek made no sense, haha. It clearly should have been cows creek!
My favorite part of the whole day was eating Carl’s Jr. with the kids after the hike with them all sitting in the back of our new (used) car, Black Beauty (as they have named it). They named the last car pig-pen, probably because they really made a mess of it. In an effort to not let that happen again (so that Black Beauty never needs to be renamed pigpen#2), all the kids at in the trunk. We are trying to have no one ever eat in the car.
In the car ride home, Basil enjoyed the breeze in his hair when we opened the windows to let the flies out:
And the kids played happily with their Carl’s Jr. toys and by making faces of different emotions into the camera and taking pictures.
Today Lily felt better than yesterday, which was such happy news. Yesterday was one of her worst days, and she was completely on her back all day with the strangest (and severe) burning happening in her nose, some fever, and also stomach pain. We met with the doctor, who prescribed a nasal steroid which really helped, and my dad brought a home remedy he swears by, and Swathi gave us great advice, like getting a pulse-ox (and telling us at what point we should go to the hospital regarding Lily’s oxygen levels). We feel surrounded by people loving us and supporting us. Even today our neighbors, the Giles brought smoothies for Lily, and our friend Courtney brought over fresh produce from a farm-stand. Also, Lily’s mom funding three doordash meals for us to relieve pressure to cook, and we’ve had multiple offers from other to help.
I was starting to worry yesterday when Lily got worse than the day before, but I was very relieved today when Lily was on an upswing. Knowing now that Covid can be a roller-coaster, Lily rested all day, even though she had a little more energy than yesterday. To me it’s so crazy she got Covid. I pray and pray there will be no lasting consequences. I don’t think there will be. And as long as that is the case, Lily and I both think its a bit “novel” and interesting that she is getting to live out history by getting the Caronavirus. She has been miserably sick and ill, and a complete trooper with everything, but that is a little bit of positive spin we both found in the situation today.
On my side, I’m enjoying (and also unraveling from) running the house and the kids. The reality is I don’t do it near as well as Lily. I took the day off yesterday and today. I’m doing my best, and doing a lot of good things, but so often not doing things, forgetting things, or being irritated or grumpy unnecessarily. I feel while parenting there is a constant thread of stress. It’s this feeling that if I just had two hours to myself, I could put myself back together and breath deeply, but instead I’m surrounded by needs, things to do, messes to clean, and a nagging feeling that I’m still neglecting the kids a ton, not listening when they talk, or being too short or not fun, and the more tired and stressed I get, the less effective I get at serving those needs. It gives me huge pause when I think about the countless days that Lily has been in this rat race and lifted a much heavier load than me (even when I felt I was nearly breaking under mine). She is SO strong. Honestly, I wish I would have done more over our last ten years together. It’s not that I haven’t been helping. I have. But compared to what Lily lifts and confronts every day, the level of chaos, the lack of control, the constant endless needs, the clashes with the kids that can happen when its time for them to do something, the lack of appreciation or awareness for what she does, the cleaning up messes (so so so many messes), packing lunches, organizing, cooking, so so many dishes, laundry (mountains of laundry), reading practice, driving music practice, errands, groceries, school enrollment, ordering uniforms, and buying clothes, cleaning the car, training the dog, cleaning the dog’s messes, walking the dog, potty training children (and all the sheet washing and switching that goes with that!), whiping bottoms, night wakings (thank goodness we are done with those!), getting the kids in purposeful activities and routines, building a vision for their future and organizing their lives accordingly, acquiring books, helping/directing kids in bathing/showering and brushing their hair, providing activities and toys for the children’s development and entertainment, teaching values and good behavior, driving kids to practices (and suiting them up), planning travel, dealing with tantrums and arguments, begging for scraps of time for any type of self care (exercise, reading, just even a few moments to think or talk to someone without interruption) and dealing with all the other minutia and unexpected things that happen when one is running a home with four kids (I know I’m forgetting a million things)………..when I really immerse myself in that world as I have while Lily has been sick, I realize how incredibly exhausting it is, and I truly feel I should have been doing more all the way along. It’s like you need to be three people to pull it off! Lily parents so intentionally, and actively, and I have just been too passive of a partner. Parenting is her craft. She wants to do it well. And she deserves a more invested and involved partner. Plus, I find joy when I lean in, and I want deeper relationships with and more impact on Lily and the kids. Hindsight is 20/20, and I spent a lot of time with my therapist processing this realization. I’ve had this realization to some extent multiple times before, but it is sinking in deeper this time. I’m a workaholic, I so naturally gravitate there, and I’ve really needed this wake-up call to help me prioritize the people I love better and I feel my heart growing. I’ve been pondering some scriptures that have had a profound impact on me (where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. If your eye be single, your whole body shall be full of light. The person who seeks to save her/his life shall lose it, and s/he who loses her/his life for my sake shall find it.) and I also feel I’m in a better position to live up to it (with work and health in a better spot and my skills of prioritization and responsiveness improving). I think this is an area where I really need Lily’s forgiveness (which she has given me) as well as my own forgiveness (which I’ll give myself as I improve), and it’s also an area where I feel very motivated to get better. This last week, I’m so tired at the end of each day, and I’m also so tired in the mornings that I find it hard to run with the dog. There is just so much energy that goes into running a home with young children. Clarissa and Ammon alone at this stage (absolutely fun and adorable as they are) are so active, energetic and eager for attention. Just managing them, their messes, their activity, their development, their (Mostly Clarissa’s) tantrums is a huge huge job. Clarissa joyfully talked to me for an hour today, and she was so so cute, but I was exhausted and trying to listen (or feign listening) for an hour felt incredibly challenging. Oh Lily, I owe you so so so much for all you have done for this family!
And speaking of young children. As exhausting as it can be to parent, it definitely has its magic, its joy and its fun. In the evening I played with the kids. We played magnetiles and built magnetile armor for Ammon’s action figures. Then I got an idea, inspired from experience from my own childhood, I’m sure. We lined up Ammon’s action figures and shot them down with hair ties. Ammon was enthralled and did it for 2 hours while the rest of us watched the Olympics. Mary and Lydia also had some turns, but it was Ammon who was completely engrossed in it.
Today all I did was serve and clean meals, and the rest of the time I was still so exhausted I couldn’t do anything standing up. I did plan the kids’ extracurriculars for the coming year and registered them all for their things. Lydia is doing: harp (one and a half hours of practice a day), ballroom dancing, tennis, rock climbing, singing, Wonderland math and German lessons. She is also trying out for the swim team. Mary is doing piano (2 hours of practice a day), ballroom dancing, tennis, rock climbing, and Wonderland math. Ammon is doing piano (45 minutes a day) break dancing, Taekwando, creative dance, pre-ballet, climbing, and ballroom dancing. Clarissa is doing creative dance, pre-ballet, and way too much preschool (3 full days!!).
Abe is being amazing and clearing out his schedule to keep being available to help. I can not overstate how touched I am. He helped me figure out the kids’ activities, and it was fun to do that with him. He is also doing really well this quarter so far, so that is a big relief. Also, to help entertain Clarissa, Abe let her play with magnetiles in our room while he was on a meeting and then he played with her after his meeting.
Right now Mary is doing Wonderland math while the rest of us watch the Olympics. Earlier in the day Lydia made Basil a new favorite toy out of a dishrag, Lydia and Mary did their reading, Lydia had a Zoom harp lesson, and I cooked some fish and couscous for dinner. I also talked to a health worker who interviewed me about Covid and learned the kids have to quarantine 8 days after my last day of quarantine. That means we can’t do our upcoming Yosemite trip, which is disappointing.
We are planning on spending the rest of the day watching the Olympics with the kids, putting them down, and then I will binge Madam Secretary until bedtime. Madam Secretary has been one of my favorite highlights of being sick so far!
At the end of the day, Abe and the kids did a ton of cleaning and then had fun afterwards by having a dance party and then pretending Abe was a bucking bronco. The kids took turns riding him, and Lydia used the timer to see who could stay on the longest. Ammon scored a whopping 23 seconds, and was the winner!
Basil hung out with everyone while they played. I used to not be thrilled with how he looks, but lately I’ve been completely in love with how he looks. I think he is incredibly cute!
Lily is still sick, but she’s getting incrementally better. The most noteworthy symptom right now (besides the exhaustion), is that her nose is burning really badly.
The main highlight from the day, besides watching the Olympics as a family is that Mary, Ammon and Clarissa created their own Disney world right in Ammon’s room. Videos are below:
After dinner I spent time with the kids outside while they ate cookies and milk.
On Monday Abe cancelled a lot of work meetings and took amazing care of everyone all day. He made everyone baked potatoes for dinner and pre-ordered Jimmy John’s for lunch, and he played with the kids on the trampoline and in the house. He also took Basil on a hard run and made sure the girls got their practices done. I literally lay on the couch watching Madam Secretary all day long. After the kids went down Abe joined me before doing some more work. He is my hero. Thank you Abe for taking care of everything!! You are amazing!!!
Clarissa took a hundred pictures on Monday! Taking pictures of the floor and couch pillows seems to be her favorite thing, but since she takes so many there are also some non-floor and non-couch shots too. Here are some that I thought were really cute!
Lydia helped Clarissa take this one. She showed Clarissa how to make it black and white.
On Sunday Abe got a second negative Covid test and the kids’ tests all turned out negative too. Hooray!
I spent the morning sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, making some cut-up roasted sweet potatoes for the week, and overall just trying to get set up for a good week. I was exhausted and feverish and it was not very smart to do all of that while feeling sick, but now we have clean floors so there’s that!
After all of that I basically watched Madam Secretary and napped. Abe took care of the kids all day, helped clean up and and after they were in bed baked me cookies. I have lost my sense of taste, but I was so shocked and thrilled that he baked me cookies that they are now my favorite cookies of all time. I was so touched.
