Author: Abe Darais

This was a long week for both me and Lily. I traveled to Philadelphia and as usual had a crazy schedule trying to balance travel logistics, inflowing work demands, sub-optimal sleep and being on for client meetings (though I did get to have breakfast with my friend Andrew). Lily also had a tough week with all she had going on, including hurting legs (she could barely walk after we played pickleball two days in a row). She also hosted Chris and his kids a couple more days after I left (which was a delight), and also took her mom, Georgia to a doctor’s appointment Wednesday, and then Thursday because Georgia still has not been feeling (we are so sorry Georgia!). Below is a cute video of Clarissa working on her valentines craft in the doctor’s office yesterday.

On the way home yesterday, I gave up my seat on an overweight flight for $1,650 in flight vouchers (yay!), but that also meant I took a late flight home and didn’t get to sleep until 2AM and I had a heavy work day starting at 8AM. The next day. I was completely fried by the end of my work-day, and Lily was burnt out too, but we were so delighted to hear my dad and Suzanne were in town. We had some of Lily’s amazing turkey bolognese left over which we served, and we had such a great time talking and playing 7 Wonders with them. What a great and happy thing it was to see them at the end of a long week!

We are so excited to have Chris and his kids stay with us for a few days. Today was Lydia and Mary’s last day at ski school and when I let Chris know I would be with them late afternoon-evening skiing with them and that I’d love for him and the kids to join, he took me up on the offer. None of them had skied or snowboarded before, and I was so excited to help them get a taste.

In the end I thought Chris would like skiing more than snowboarding and I offered to swap equipment with him. He picked up skiing remarkably fast, and I was over the moon learning how to snowboard for the first time. Caelen did amazing snowboarding (used the lift multiple times with Lydia and Mary and made it down) and Gigi was a star on the bunny hill and got really comfortable going down over and over again. There were a couple of stressful moments, but all in all, everyone had an amazing time. The snow was perfect (some of the best I’ve ever skied in) and I was so happy to share their first winter-sport experience with them!

We came home to Lily’s delicious Spaghetti with turkey Bolognese sauce. She had already gone to bed because she has been in a ton of calf and achilles pain. She was in so much pain, she just wanted to sleep to stop feeling it. I really hope things get better for her as I’m leaving on a trip early tomorrow.

We had a great Sunday full of Lily working with the kids, me getting tasks done and playing with Ammon and the kids playing wonderfully together. Then to top things off with even more fun, Chris and his kids arrived around 6:30. All the kids immediately started playing so well together and then we had a salmon, rice and salad dinner. After putting the kids down, our dream came true by learning Seven Wonders with Chris. He had played before and he helped us to learn. We knew it would be an amazing game once we learned it, and we had sooooo much fun playing with Chris.

Sundance has been getting a lot of snow this year, and I had an incredible time cross-country skiing with Daniel.

Later in the day, Lily and went to dinner with Daniel, Amanda and their two daughters (for Amanda’s birthday) at Jurassic Tacos and then we played games at their house afterwards. We loved our time with the Olsens today!

Today Clarissa was a very cute alligator in a school performance. I was very said to miss it for work meetings, but so glad Lily captured it on video. Clarissa did a great job in the play, and she is also getting so tall!

I am loving my new work schedule where I’m in the office every other day and at home every other day. I feel like it is the best of both worlds, and today I got to chat with Lily during my lunch as I ate her delicious Borscht.

Lydia (and I think Mary?) had sports camps in today (I think in Salt Lake?). I think Amy and some of her kids were also there. I don’t know details…

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Abe!!!

I am grateful every single day that I am married to this man! That is not an exaggeration– I wake up every day still a little in disbelief that I somehow snagged Abe. Abe is patient, kind, wise beyond belief, and deeply service oriented. I admire his work ethic, his self-control, his love of doing good, and the way he cherishes his family. So, to be specific, here are some of the most recent things Abe has done that blow me away.

1. He genuinely, from his heart, enjoys playing with our children. Recently he has played a lot of legos with Ammon and they create the most imaginative scenarios and creations together. Afterward Abe will rave about how much fun he had, and how legos give him a chance to be a kid again. He also plays dolls with all the kids and makes everyone laugh so hard with his voices and scenarios! He also recently spent hours building a fort and throwing snowballs with the kids, played a chase game that had everyone in giggle fits, played all sorts of board games with the kids, and of course sledded and skied with our children–all in the past month alone. Because of Abe’s playful nature, all of these activities delight him and make him so happy. I love that he models such a healthy masculinity that embraces play with our children.
2. Abe is our resident adult. When I go off the handle our children will tearfully appeal to Abe for his intervention. He is tender-hearted, wise, and kind to the bone. I recall both Mary and me coming to him simultaneously after a recent piano practice begging for his help. Both of us understood that the only person who could fix our situation was Abe, and fix it he did. He listened carefully and compassionately. And then he calmly took the temperature down and suggested solutions that immediately helped get us back on track. I am so, so grateful to parent with Abe.
3. Abe works so hard. Abe just transitioned roles, and the new pace is very intense. He has a $10 million dollar quota, and he is expected to hit that in a down economy. He has to learn all new accounts and get to know all of his reps, and he has to immediately start creating a healthy and productive team culture. Luckily, Abe is incredibly dedicated, talented, brilliant, courteous and hard working–as everyone who has ever worked with him can attest. He is going to do an incredible job this year, and he is putting in everything he’s got to be an asset for his company. Abe loves to work and would work all the time if he didn’t also have a family. He puts in long hours and I am always in awe of his work ethic.
4. Abe gets along with everyone. I am grateful that Abe gets along with literally everyone, because that is not something I always do well. I admire how he gives everyone in his life the benefit of the doubt. He has a generous nature and is the hardest person on earth to offend. In the same vein, he forgives easily and immediately. Abe puts a lot of effort into his relationships, and I appreciate that he is deeply embedded in so many loving networks. He meets regularly on Zoom with his AXB friends, all of whom date back to college and some as far back as kindergarten. He also keeps in touch with many of his high school friends, and he puts a lot of effort into doing activities with the friends who live close to us now. He skies, fishes, plays frisbee, bikes, plays Pickleball, plays games, and goes out for meals with friends. He shows up when they invite him to things. He makes a point to regularly call his friends and family on the phone just to catch up, and when he has friends who struggles he is there for them no matter what. Abe shines in all of his relationships, and no one could ask for a better friend than Abe.
5. Abe treats me like I am a queen. I know that sounds like a very dated cliche, but there’s actually no more accurate way to describe his approach to me. And it goes without saying that I do not deserve the way he views and treats me, but wow am I grateful every day for his love. He is the most loving, generous, warm, affectionate husband. He makes me laugh every single day, and he also compliments me generously every single day. The narrative he spins about me to me is completely the opposite narrative I spin for myself, so sometimes it’s a bit of a mind bend living with someone who views me so positively, but it’s also incredibly nice. Being married to Abe is the greatest, and I believe from my heart that if every person treated their partner the way Abe treats me, there would basically be no more problems left in the world.

I was so excited that so many of our friends and family could come together to celebrate Abe and show him how much we love and value him. Abe spent a lot of his birthday party teaching various kids how to ice fish and visiting with friends and family, of course. It was so fun and we both had an amazing time. Abe also wants me to note that they caught 37 fish! (J/k. They didn’t catch any, but did that discourage my positive, optimistic husband? Not a chance!)

Here are more of Abe’s gifts from the kids:

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

Today, Lily introduced me to one of my all-time favorite classical music pieces. I didn’t even know what it was before today, although I had heard bits and pieces of it before because it is so famous. We almost didn’t drive to Salt Lake tonight, but when the roads looked good, we ended up going. Eli babysat Ammon and Clarissa, and Lily and I took Lydia and Mary to the Utah Symphony.

Orff is not famous for any other music (although he’s famous for his methods of educating children and his methods are still used today), but when he wrote Carmmina Burana, he knew it was a masterpiece, and it was immediately successful.

The text for Carmina Burana comes from a collection of poems and songs called Carmina Burana made by traveling poets and students of Catholicism. The poems are irreverent, mock the church, and discuss the absurdity of life, the pleasures of life, and mostly the terror of decline, poverty and aging especially after one has experienced the good things of life “Oh Fortuna!”

When Orff chanced upon the manuscript, he said a vision opened up into his mind, and he frantically pieced it together as he felt inspiration was pouring down upon him and he had the whole thing unfold to him.

The words are so powerful, and the music was deeply cathartic. Through the music, I felt my own fear of death and failure expressed, my own joy for the good times expressed, as well as good old-fashioned humor (including a goose singing about its terrible fortune as it’s getting roasted and tuba flatulence). I was completely mesmerized and I’ve downloaded it on iTunes, and I’ve been listening to it ever since. Lily, of course, knew what Carmina Burana is, and was eager to share it with the family. One of my favorite things about Lily is her knowledge of the world and the way she opens my eyes to it and adds color and richness to my world. It was also so fun to share the experience with Lydia and Mary. What an amazing evening!

Lydia has had a substitute teacher the last couple of days and Lily has kept her home and gone all-in on tutoring her. They have worked on Greek, Latin, rhetoric, Shakespeare and more. Lydia has been a sharp and interested student, and I could tell they loved their time together. I think this deep time together has been a highlight in both of their weeks.

In the evening, Lily served delicious spoon beef, orzo, and acorn squash. It was so delicious and I felt extremely tired afterwards and Lily did most of the work cleaning up and putting the kids down (thank you so much babe). Lily and I played Azule and San Juan after the kids down, which continues to be such a fun way to end the day. Time with Lily and the kids really is my warmth right now as I feel a bit overwhelmed starting out in my new Healthcare role.

Today while the kids were at school, Lily cleaned the house and then spent a couple of hours writing an amazing story about a Neanderthal. I read the whole thing and was pulled in by the amazing imagery, narrative arc, action and interconnectedness. Writing was very satisfying for her, and I can tell it made her happy. She’s so good at it and I hope she keeps going with it!

I got off work early to pick up Lydia and Mary and take them to ski school. I also picked up lunch for us at Kneaders, and got skis for myself so I could ski while they were in their lesson. It was VERY COLD. So cold that much of Lydia’s class left early, and by the end, Lydia was getting one-on-one instruction from her instructor. Lydia felt like she really improved. Mary also had a great time and felt like she got better just by spending more time on the snow. I also progressed and really enjoyed the Black Diamond Run Top Gun. It was so fun to do three times down the mountain with them after their lesson. It got really cold, but the hand-warmers helped. Most of the night was between 10-15 degrees.

On the way home, we played a really funny game where me and Lydia would take turns acting out infomercials for ridiculous products like a gorilla halloween costume, plastic rice, jell-o basketball, wooden windows, etc. We were all laughing and having a really fun silly time together.

At home we watched an episode of Space-Time because Mary has been interested in concepts like time-travel. It was a really wonderful evening.

I had a hard time getting up again, but when I did, I worked out and then I did a 2.5 hour Secret Santa gift exchange with my AXB guys. We had so much fun catching up and exchanging gifts!

While I was thus occupied, Lily was going deep on lessons with Lydia. They worked on Ancient Greek, and Lydia learned the entire Greek Alphabet!

After that, Lily read in the Old Testament with Lydia and Mary, and tried to help them understand it in its historical and anthropological context.

I was feeling tired today, but once I got myself going, I played Mahjongg with Lydia, Mary and Lily. Then we tried to play 7 Wonders and learned that it is complicated, so we gave up and we will try again after I study it a bit.

I then played Operation, Scultapalooza, and Outfoxed with Ammon and Clarissa which was great because they had a lot of screens today.

When I finished with Ammon and Clarissa, I went upstairs to find that Lily and Mary were having an epically bad piano practice. Lily was completely at her wits end, and we were close to quitting piano altogether. We are still in a bit of a gray space for what the future looks like, but Mary really pulled herself together, and worked hard with a perfect attitude for the rest of the night and made a lot of progress and we are very proud of her. I’m also incredibly grateful to Lily for what she puts in to help the kids learn discipline, skills, the importance of working for rewards, appreciation for investment from others, and not being entitled. I believe Lily’s work with them on their instruments is a big part of why they are turning out so beautifully, but it is hard, hard, hard work, so thank you to Lily and thank you to the kids for also wanting it. Mary could have quit tonight, we gave her the choice. And like Lydia did before when things got to a dark spot with her, Mary chose to continue and not quit even though she knows it won’t get any easier, and that makes me very very proud. I’m also grateful to Lily for sticking with it even though practice can be extremely hard on her. The hope is that after today, things will get better.