Author: Abe Darais

Even though Ammon threw up last night, I still made my appointment to play basketball (it’s a hard group to get into, and keeping appointments is how I stay in the rotation, plus I was dying to play). Lexy, our nanny we occasionally call on, came in the morning so I could play basketball and so I could attend early meetings while she took the kids to school.

But she was only scheduled to help until 9:30 and she couldn’t stay longer, so I worked from home so I could watch Ammon while I worked. I got through my work day in time to pick up the other kids from school. I couldn’t figure out what was going on with Ammon. I thought it was food poisoning, but I couldn’t be sure. His school has a strict policy about kids needing to be symptom free for 24 hours no matter what it is. Also Lexy had concerns about nannying for Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday because she also helps another family and she didn’t want to spread anything. Also, we had plans to go to a movie today right after school and I couldn’t decide if I should take Ammon or not. I called Lily in a moment of a little bit of panic, and she helped talk me through things.

In the end, Lydia and Mary went with Emily, Eli and Choe to the movie (Sing 2), while I paid the $25 to get it streamed to our TV so I could watch it at home with Ammon and Clarissa, so they didn’t have to miss it.

Also, I was thinking it was probably food poisoning because of how fast it came on after the salmon, but Lexy told me that even if it wasn’t, she felt ok still helping if only Ammon was sick and it wasn’t something sweeping through our whole family. That was a huge relief. So things worked out and settled down by the end of the day. I was so exhausted by the end of the day from my early start and exercise, work, and all the decisions and logistics that I just rested until 9:45 PM. Or, I tried to, except to my great frustration I was frequently interrupted, including once by Lydia who decided to listen to Bill Cosby on full blast so she could hear it over the bath she was making for herself. I came running up from the basement very frustrated (that was probably the 3rd or 4th interruption). Finally from 9:45 to 10:15 I had some quiet time with the kids down to just let my cortisol drop. I then spend 2.5 hours working on the house, just the messes from the day, the dishes, and the upstairs which was quite a scene. My hope was that with the house in great shape, I could ask our nanny to keep it that way (and to my great delight, she did). I got to be around 1AM. At some point during all of this, I sent Lily a simple text message, “I respect you so much”. I love when I have to solo it for a while because it always reminds me the huge efforts Lily has put in throughout the years, so often by herself, and today I even had morning help from a nanny!

Here are some more pictures from Lily’s trip with Jenn!

Georgia O’Keeffe museum (isn’t she amazing!)

Another museum:

Our friend Jenn has devoted her life recently to helping process refugees from Afghanistan. First she was on a military base in Texas and now she is moving to Baltimore to work at a local refugee center. She’s taking her car out there and making the long drive and Lily is going with her. I’m so happy Lily is able to support our friend in that way, and also hopefully have a fun adventure with a break from the kids. Here is Lily and also Jenn just before they left!

After Lily left, I took the kids to church only to find it was on-line only due to Covid. We listened to Sunday school on the way home, and then I listened to the main session on my computer at home.

Then we all went to In-and-Out. I didn’t eat there because I’m trying to cut red-meat for myself, but the kids wanted In-and-out and it was an easy solution for a slightly overwhelmed temporarily single parent. They seemed to love it!

After that, we went and visited Georgia. Lydia was sweet to watch the smaller kids in the car while Mary and I visited with Georgia in a room that was within eye-shot of the car. We had a wonderful visit.

Then we all went on a walk in Squaw Peak Canyon. Once we started, we realized the trail was muddy, but we all were in need of a walk outside (especially Basil), so we forged ahead. It was a wonderful time.

Because of all the mud, bathing Basil afterwards was a complete necessity. Although, he seemed to disagree because he literally put his paws firmly down so Mary had to drag him towards the door of the dog-wash. I let the kids take pictures and videos while I washed Basil. I’ll start with my favorite one, which is a slow-motion video of Basil shaking off.

Lily and Jen finished their driving and arrived in Santa Fe. Here are some pictures that Lily took. Lily called me raving about Santa Fe. We knew we love it, but she was reminded just how much we love love, and how it’s really not that far (8 hours).

At night I grilled salmon and vegetables for the kids from meal kits I got at Sprouts. We had some sweets afterwards and then all went to bed. Ammon got up throughout the night and threw up multiple times (I’m not sure how many because he would just throw up and then come report to me in my bed that he threw up and I was in a sleepy daze).

This morning we continued watching Kaylin and Gigi until Chris and Jen arrived around 9 or 10. Lily was at Yoga, but I really enjoyed chatting with them for almost a good hour. We love that family. Their kids were so good during the sleep over, and we always enjoy talking with them. Lily got home just as they were leaving so she was able to say hello.

Then I fed the kids lunch and went skiing with my friend Randy Blosil. It was awesome to see him. I was feeling a little tired and discouraged with how my work year ended, but seeing him was an incredible pick-me-up. He was one of the top sales reps at Vivint, and on the side he’s starting a chocolate milk company. He told me how he had all sorts of supply issues and production issues, but reached out to the CEO of a large chocolate supplier based in Europe who agreed to meet with him and how that has changed everything. He’s happy, cheerful, optimistic and chasing the dreams and his wife Carolyn is the same. I love that family and it was awesome to spend the day with him on the slopes. I also decided to get a private ski lesson in the future because I’ve never had one, and my bad form felt very apparent, although I did have fun.

While I was gone, Lily played Clue with Ammon. It didn’t last very long because he is a little young to understand the game and I think it’s harder with just two people.

When I got home, Lily snapped a picture because she loves when I wear sporty clothes.

In the evening Lyldia and Mary loved on Basil and each other, and then they did a dance with Ammon to “Live your Life” by TI and Rhianna.

Today was quite lively at our house. At 4:00 Amy came over with her four kids and everyone spent time together. We always love spending time with them. In addition to socializing we ate Via 313 pizza (Detroit style) as well as Lou Malnati’s pizza (shipped from Chicago) to compare which was better. Both were delicious and votes were split across pizzas. Then Jen and Chris showed up and dropped their kids off for a sleepover. Jen is leaving to Baltimore and Chris and the kids are staying behind a few months to finish school, so they were having a quick getaway together in Midway before Jen leaves. Eli showed up at the same time to join the fun.

Then Amy and her kids left at about the time that Matt, Emily and Choe joined Eli. Then we did Karaoke with Kaylin and Gigi (Chris’ and Jenn’s kids), and the Kahler’s until way past the kids bed time. It was a solid six hours of socialization, and I have to say, we all had so so so much fun. Matt started researching karaoke machines to get one for his family because he and Emily enjoyed it so much. The whole evening was a blast, and all the kids were so well behaved, it was not overwhelming at all, not even once.

Here are some videos and pictures of the night. I particularly love the latter videos because in addition to a singer, all the kids are dancing.

Today Lily started writing a short story about a woman who’s mirror talks to her. Writing felt thrilling to Lily, and it was so fun to have her read what she started to me because she is so good at writing. I just finished the book Circe today, and I felt similarity between the power of Madeline Miller’s imagery and that of Lily’s. It will be awesome to see where her writing takes her.

Also, Lily worked on her knitting skills with our friend Christian (Daniel and Amanda Olsen’s son). We admire Christian for his talents and kindness, and he’s an awesome teacher. Lily really progressed in just one session!

I had a harder emotional day today because of how much work I was cramming in my work hours, working through a bit of panic/anxiety, recovering from the rigor of travels, and all the awards ceremonies, positivity and comradery I sat through (feeling not in the middle of it, and feeling aware of my gaps in personality and performance that made me not int he middle of it). It was a humbling day, but humbling always feels spiritually healthy, and a huge bright spot for me was seeing how over-the-moon happy Lily was as she engaged in writing and knitting. Also, by the end of the day, I re-centered, and felt truly content. I feel I am not perfect, but am overall happy with who I am and where I’m going, and I couldn’t be luckier with what I have, especially on the family front.

I had sales kick-off sessions today, so I was able to be flexible and do things in the back-ground (catch up blogging etc). Lily spent the entire morning taking Georgia to a doctor appointment, after which she spent a lot of time today reading articles about racism in the Book of Mormon, and writing her response to them to her friend. In short, most voices addressing racism in the Book of Mormon barely acknowledge the racism is there, or that it’s damaging, and these are often white voices. Lily wanted to share her experience and observations, corroborated by many other people of color, to make sure that what seems to be missing in the conversation gets said. She is a powerful writer and I enjoyed hearing her read her response to me.

Later in the day, Clarissa and Ammon colored in my office, and I helped Lydia learn how to do double-digit long-division. Also, Lily was instrumental later in the evening while I was wrapping up work. We both were to bed at a decent time and we slept like rocks!

We got good sleep last night and were fully packed and out the door by 9AM. Then we grabbed snacks at a Wallgreens and went to Joshua Tree National Park. We drove past the Panda Express that we ate at over 6 years ago when Lily threw up, and then knew she was pregnant (with Ammon). We had in INCREDIBLE time at the park. It is hard to overstate how pleasant the weather was. Warm sun-rays penetrated through my skin and into my soul, yet it was about 65 degrees so I never felt hot. It was perfect weather.

We went to Jumbo Rocks campground and caught the skull rock trail which was a perfect one mile loop. One mile was perfect because we allowed each child a ten minute stop anywhere he or she wanted to allow people to play on the rocks. We played hide and seek, and also found a super fun climbing area that was so interesting with it’s twist, turns, caverns, and narrow areas. I got really excited at that fun “castle” climbing area.

Then we stamped our passports at the visitor’s center, got Del Taco and candy, and made haste to get home as soon as possible.

Almost the entire way home we listened to Circe by Madeline Miller. Her descriptions were unbelievable. It’s one of the few books I’ve experienced where I felt continually impressed by the artistry of the writing. The imagergy, and the descriptions painted such vivid imagery, and gave me such visceral reactions. It was truly a delight. I had it all the way up to 1.7 or 1.8 speed at one point to try to get the whole book finished before arriving home, but we still have an hour left. It was Lily’s 2nd time through the book, and Lydia and Mary loved it too. Usually I’m able to be the one to power us home on a late night drive, but around 10:30PM, I really pooped out. Lily, fortunately, was feeling great, and she drove for the next two hours. I took the last 45 minutes, and we pulled in around 1:35AM.

I cherished this trip and loved every second. It is so so fun to explore with my sweetheart and wonderful kiddos.

We pulled into our AirBNB in Pahrump Nevada around midnight (Pacific time), so we allowed ourselves to sleep in a bit today. Once we got everyone out the door, we headed to Death Valley. It’s a good thing Lily suggested we stop at a General Store because even though all we got was a bunch of snacks (beef jerky, chex mix, peanuts, V8 donuts etc), those snacks lasted us until Dinner because there turned out to be very little to eat in the Death Valley area. While purchasing the snacks, the cashier volunteered that Pahrump is home to one of the few legal prostitution houses in the United States (locals refer to it as a chicken-house), that it is $1,500 per session and that it’s currently shut down due to Covid. I had no idea that existed.

We’ve been enjoying the Encanto soundrack and a book called Circe on this trip. Here are some videos of Lydia singing along to Encanto with Clarissa:

When we arrived at Death Valley, the first thing we did was go to Zabriskie point, and then we hiked about 4 miles round-trip on the trail that started at the Zabriskie trail-head. We didn’t go to the Red Cathedral or the Gower Gulch because it felt like too much given our water situation, and how some of the kids were fading. But what we did do was incredible. The scenery was completely fantastic, and we left the hike feeling super satisfied.

After Zabriskie point, we went to the visitor’s center for a map and advice and then we made a plan.

First we drove artist’s drive. Everyone in the car, except me, fell asleep just before getting there and missed it. But I loved it so much (and didn’t restrain myself very well as I woke Lily up a time or two just to point out some great views). There were some really fun parts that got very narrow, with red rock flanking on each side, and the coloring was amazing. I didn’t think to take videos until my favorite parts were over, but hopefully the below captures some of the essence.

After artist’s drive we went to Badwater. It is the lowest point in North America (282 feet below sea-level). When we arrived, everyone except me and Lydia were asleep, so Lydia and I read while the others snoozed. Lily didn’t sleep much last night, so she was particularly tired. I enjoyed my Lincoln Highway book while Lydia read her Greek Mythology Book.

At 3:00, Lily and I decided nap-time was over, and woke everyone up. Then we did a super-fun one mile walk like I have never done before. We crossed salty dirty on a path worn by foot-traffic. And the deeper in we got, the more salty the dirt got, until at the end, the crust of the earth we were standing on was in all sorts of crazy formations, like the ground was cracked under our feet, and in some places it looked like it was peeling off the earth.

After Badwater, we went to the sand-dunes. I was stressed that we would get there and there would not be enough sunlight which would be a particular shame because it was in the opposite direction of Yucca valley where we were staying for the night. But when we got there, it turned out we had plenty of light for a good 30-40 minutes of fun. The kids were so happy and I’m pretty sure it was the favorite part of the day for all the kids (Lydia said it was her favorite part). We all took our shoes off to feel the sand which was remarkably soft.The kids jumped in the sand, made sand angels, ran around, threw sand (which Lily and I swiftly shut down multiple times), and just had so much fun experiencing the sand dunes. At one point, Ammon was making a sand-angel and saying, “this is the life!”. I also did a little jumping in the sand.

Lily and I were laughing because not too long ago, Ammon said to us, “You know what my heaven would be? My heaven would be a room with padding on the walls, so I could run around and bounce of the walls, and I wouldn’t get hurt, and even even if I did, it wouldn’t matter because I’m already dead.” Lily and I chuckled as we thought that sand dunes was a pretty near approximation to his even. He was running and jumping and being crazy, essentially bouncing off the sand. But he couldn’t get hurt because the sand was so very soft.

The walk back to the car was very rough on our feet because we were still all in bare-feet and it got rocky before the car.

Then we drove for 5 hours to Yucca valley. It wasn’t until 2 hours from our place for the night that we found a Del Taco in Baker Nevada. There we were at 8:30 at night, not having had a real meal for over 24 hours. Fast food tacos and burritos never tasted so good.

Then I drove to our AirBnB. On our trips, we also enjoy our music, podcast and book selections, largely thanks to Lily who usually prepares for the trips with great content. On this trip we have been enjoying The Encanto Soundrack, a book called Circe, which is about a witch from Greek Mythology, and I have really been enjoying Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young.

I had a busy day at work and came home to work on our Indian food leftovers with Jen, Chris, and their kids. We enjoy spending time with them so much, and Lily and I really enjoyed chatting with them. The kids had a great time together, as always, too. After they left, I worked on training Basil to come. He has already learned the command a while ago, but he has significantly regressed. About a week ago, he ran out the garage door, and walked around people’s yards barking for 3-5 minutes, and he would not come no matter how many times I called. I walked after him asking him to come and he just walked away from me obstinate until I finally closed in on him and grabbed him. I swatted his back side, told him “no” sternly, and then put him in his crate with three more “no!”s. I was very direct to Basil about the unacceptable behavior and I realized it would not be super helpful without also reinforcing the behavior I do want him to do. I promptly order treats on Amazon. And today I practiced the “come” command. We definitely made some progress. Here is a video:

Also, before our guests came over, Lily had a really rough time with Lydia and Mary’s music practice. I came home and found everyone to be emotionally soar from it. There is no way around the fact that it difficult instruments, and I think they are all doing way better than they realize soldiering through it. Lily was pretty discouraged, but this email from Lydia really helped her feel better:

I know I don’t act like it sometimes, but I am glad that you taught me to play the harp. It can be hard but it is so worth it. Today I was playing Allegro and Kailens family all came into the music room to listen. Kailen said I was really good. This is what makes learning to play the harp worth it. I hope I can continue playing the harp, but if I can’t I want to say thank you for teaching me what I know on the harp

Today was a great day. I helped get the kids ready for the school with Lily and loved seeing Clarissa in her pig tails so I snapped this photo.

After dropping off Ammon and Clarissa, I did the 500 workout (technically for me it was the 300, lol), but it was great to workout. It really helped my mood all day.

Lily also got great exercise because she went on a hike near Draper. I think she said it was the Ralph Wadsworth trail. She had so much fun spending time with Courtney and Jen, and so much fun hiking. She came home and declared that winter hiking is her new favorite thing in the winter and she never needs to ski, because winter hiking will always fully satisfy her in the winter. I’m so so happy she had such a good time. She also mentioned the bridge was a little on the scary side.

Before and after her hike, Lily was cleaning the house preparing for our party. After I finished work, I went and got A LOT of Indian food from Kohinoor, and I picked up my friend Nick before heading back home. We had Jen & Chris and their kids, Amy and her kids, Sharon and Edje and their boy, MichaelAnne and Nick.

It was such a good time visiting with everyone. I hadn’t seen Sharon and Edje since their wedding six years ago, and it was so nice to catch up with them as well as all of our wonderful friends their. We had deep conversations about religion, racism, the LGBTQ+ community and sexuality in general, and we also just caught up on each others lives. It felt deeply nourishing both on a social/emotional level and on a spiritual/meaning level. We are so grateful to have such good people in our lives.

Ephraim found the little toy, so he was the King of the night! The kids had a lot of fun playing together as well. Ephraim kept asking for Lydia and didn’t want to leave when it was time to go. So cute!

One of my favorite things is watching kids (or anything really, including Basil) in the process of falling asleep. Clarissa was so tired at the end of the party, that tucked herself in bed and I found her with her eyes half-mast. Lily cuddled with her for a bit, and we watched her drift to sleep. So cute!