Author: Lily

I am DYING for Lydia to smile. According to the infant development books, she should have been doing this about a week ago, and when she didn’t I started to worry that Lydia wasn’t happy enough to smile. Her constant frowns make me really nervous. I mean, they are very cute and all, but I get the feeling that Lydia isn’t quite enthralled with earth life yet. And I want her to be!

Therefore, I do regular smiling exercises with Lydia. We have replaced play time (whatever that was) for smile time. I hold her up and grin hard while explaining that this is what people do when they’re happy. “I’m happy, Lydia! Are you happy? Can you show mommy you’re happy by SMILING?? Pleeeeaaase???”

I’ve also tried various other techniques that other moms on the internet have said worked for them. Lydia has had to endure being poked in various places while I try to remember the rhymes in “patty-cake.” She’s had to listen to me sing. One mom swore that saying, “Yahoo, sushi!” works like a charm, and so this morning I held Lydia in place while repeating that phrase at various volumes–to no effect. In fact, all I got was a confused, rather irritated frown. I then panicked that she inherited some rare genetic disorder that prohibits her from smiling. Well, if that’s the case, she didn’t get it from me.

Poor Abe. I’ve repeatedly insinuated that his genes are responsible for Lydia’s inability to smile. (Please ignore his grin at the top of this page. I am SURE that I am genetically innocent here, and so that leaves only one possible culprit!) He has started to pray that Lydia will smile, and I get the feeling he has a vested interest in these prayers.

Please excuse me for cutting this blog short. I just remembered that one mom said mirror time did the trick for her baby, so Lydia and I are off to stare in the mirror together. Wish us luck!

2 comments:

1. PreethiApril 15, 2011 at 2:53 PMI was seriously laughing so hard at this post. Especially the genetically innocent part. 🙂 She’ll be giggling before you know it!Reply
2. AnnaApril 19, 2011 at 10:25 AMHa! I remember going through this same thing! I would seriously make a clown out of myself trying to get Lucy to smile. When I finally took her to work one day to visit Daddy…she totally smiled at him. Oh man. I was happy she was smiling but so disappointed it wasn’t at me.Reply

“Does it mean she’s full if it’s coming out of her nose?” I asked concernedly, as milk started slowly pouring out of Lydia’s nose.

Abe carefully assessed the situation. Yes, it appeared there was milk gushing out of Lydia’s nose, but she still seemed…hungry. She was rooting. He shrugged. “I think she’s still hungry,” he said, and suggested I keep feeding her. So I did. Even though there was milk pouring out of my baby’s nose, I kept feeding her because it seemed like the right thing to do. Am I going crazy??

There are so many parts to motherhood that mystify me. Am I feeding my baby too much? Too little? Am I talking to her enough? Too much? Is she sufficiently visually stimulated? Is she happy?? (How can you tell if she hasn’t figured out how to smile?) Is she bored?

These questions drive me to do ridiculous things. Yesterday after a feeding session, I found myself tucking a striped blanket over my bra so Lydia could enjoy the visual stimulation of stripes from the supposedly ideal 8-15 inch distance. I’ve bounced her to all three movements of a symphony in the hopes that our activity staved off baby boredom. And I’ve nursed her (several times) while there was milk oozing from her nose. Still, I battle the constant fear that I’m not measuring up in the mom department, and that my baby is the victim of all of my maternal mistakes.

For example, yesterday I was reading up on baby constipation and baby acne. I thought Lydia might be suffering from the former–and she is definitely struggling with the latter. In my reading (which took me off of my intended topics), I discovered that babies a generation ago used to develop faster than babies today. Why? Because they slept on their tummies! Tummy time = muscle-development time. Today’s babies sleep on their backs to avoid SIDS, but that slows down their time line of muscle development. The article went on to say that “sleep time is back time, and play time is tummy time.”

I panicked.

I have totally neglected to put Lydia on her stomach during “play time.” Most play time I just bounce her on my lap, stick her in a bouncy seat, or swaddle her and hope she falls asleep. I totally forgot about tummy time. So right after reading the article, I put Lydia on her stomach and tried to visualize her little muscles developing.

She freaked out. Soon she was sobbing on her stomach, deaf to my pleas that she just try it out a little longer. To heck with my muscles! she seemed to scream. I hate this! Put me back on my back where the world makes sense!! What could I do? I picked her up and helped restore order to her universe, while the order in mine seemed to unravel. I was sure my neglect of tummy time would translate into permanent developmental delays for my baby.

But babies learn fast. We tried tummy time again today, and right now Lydia is peacefully enjoying a (closely supervised) nap on her stomach. Sleeping right next to me, Lydia appears to be enjoying the pose a lot more than yesterday. She has even let go a series of satisfying sounding toots, and I suspect the slanted, stomach down position lends itself well to gastro-intestinal happiness.

So I guess making mistakes is part of motherhood, but thankfully, it appears that Lydia is surviving mine. Time to turn her over to ensure it stays that way!

3 comments:

1. It Started With a WinkApril 3, 2011 at 8:27 PMThe way I see it is of course I’m going to do everything under the sun for my child to the best of my knowledge and ability and I’m going to mess up and even if I didn’t some new finding would come out that said that I did. TJ’s mom used to feed her oldest skim milk when he was a toddler and breast feed while driving or keep him in a basket in the back seat. He is one of the best people I know and graduated top of his dental school class plus he played basketball for the U. Anyway I know most people who turn out pretty amazing didn’t have moms half as awesome as you!Reply
2. Shandi and AlexApril 7, 2011 at 8:41 AMI’m so glad I’m not alone feeling this way. I keep feeling like any time Sebastian is awake I NEED to interact with him or he’s not going to develop to his full potential. But realistically, I CAN’T interact with him every waking moment because there are things I need to get done. Then I beat myself up over it.Reply
3. AnonymousApril 13, 2011 at 5:46 PMXitlali has no desire for tummy time, even at four months. She’d happily sleep on belly if allowed, but belly for play is no way! We’ve been working on trying to get her up to 10 minutes. However, it ticks her off so much she’s learning to roll over just so she can escape tummy time.Reply

A welcome to motherhood is really a welcome to the moist and soggy world of breastfeeding. Feeding my baby is so much harder than I ever imagined! Two days ago, my lack of skill in the breastfeeding department became sadly apparent when, at the end of one session, I realized everything–everything–was soaked in milk. There was milk in my hair, milk in Lydia’s hair, milk all over my bra, milk on two separate wash cloths, milk slathered on both of our bodies, milk on the chair, and (the final indignity) one last milk stream squirted directly up Lydia’s nose. Clearly, I need to work on aim.

Things are getting better, though. Sarah (who took Lydia’s pictures) lent me her “My Breast Friend,” and this handy device has revolutionized our breastfeeding sessions. My Breast Friend is a nursing pillow that you strap onto your waist. I had tried regular pillows and a Boppy (another kind of nursing pillow), but nothing works nearly as well as My Breast Friend. The only downside to this marvelous device is the visual effect; waddling around the house with a giant pillow strapped around my waist, bare chested and still large with pregnancy fat, I look kind of like a hippo in a tutu. My mom, Abe, and I now routinely refer to My Breast Friend as “the tutu.” It’s just so apt.

The sad part is that I am beyond the point of caring. Lydia needs to be fed every 2-3 hours (I have been pushing it to every 3-4 for the sake of my sanity and sleep), and so when the time comes around for me to shove a nipple in her mouth, I could care less about how I look in the process. My mind zones in with autistic like concentration on how fast or slow (usually slooooooooooow) Lydia is sucking and how long the session will last. Sometimes, for a break in the monotony, I will monitor the tree outside my window for buds and birds. So far, no buds–but there are more and more birds every day. Spring is coming!

And, thankfully, all of this feeding means Lydia is growing! She lost more than 10% of her birth weight before my milk came in, and when I took her to the pediatrician for her first check-up, the pediatrician told me Lydia was dehydrated. I felt terrible. Even worse, the pediatrician told me I would need to supplement with formula to get Lydia back up to speed. I went home feeling like a truly bad mother; I couldn’t believe my baby hadn’t been getting enough to eat!

Upon returning home, the first thing I did was rip off my shirt and start feeding Lydia. I stared morosely at the bottle of formula next to the bed but couldn’t bring myself to use it at first. I just looked at it and felt bad about myself and the whole situation. It took an actual spiritual prompting before I finally reached over and fed Lydia the formula–and then, magically, she calmed down and proceeded to sleep for FOUR hours. That was the first time she’d ever done that. I was a convert. This stuff was great!

Except. Except. I want to breast feed. I really do, and I want Lydia to get the benefits of breast milk. It is just SO exhausting. Last night I was up until 1am completing a feeding that started at 11:30pm, and then I got up at 3am to start a feeding that didn’t end until almost 4:30am. As I type this, I’m eying the clock and noticing that I have less than 2 hours until Lydia’s next feeding. I can finish this blog, write some of the 25 thank-you cards that still need to be written, shower, eat breakfast, change the laundry, clean the kitchen, OR go back to bed. I think, thanks to my overworked breasts, the bed just might win this one.

Right now I am typing one handed. Lydia is nestled on my shoulder, and a giant pile of her spit-up is resting smack dab in the middle of my bra. She has pretty precise aim; we are so proud of her!

Some memorable moments so far:

Abe somehow went days without changing a poopy diaper. When he confronted his first one, he exclaimed in genuine alarm that we must be over-feeding Lydia. He didn’t believe that much poop could possibly be healthy or normal. I think he has since adjusted his expectations; when he changed another poopy diaper this morning, the only exclamations to escape his mouth were effusions over how perfect the color of her poop was.

Two days ago, Lydia managed to pee onto her head. Her hair got soaked. Don’t ask. A sponge bath followed promptly.

Lydia must have the best dreams ever. Half the time she feeds in her sleep. It’s amazing how much milk she can extract while she is sound asleep.

So far that’s it. She sleeps a LOT, so most of the time we are dealing with a little baby zombie. Abe told her that she’d soon learn that life is better when you’re asleep, and I think she took his advice to heart. I will never understand how my husband and daughter can so consistently choose sleep over food, but I’m learning to accept that my lot in life will be to remind all of my loved ones to stop zoning out and finish their food. C’est la vie.

At your newborn photo shoot, Sarah Severson (www.sarahseversonphotography.com )did such a great job taking pictures of you, and we are so excited to see how they turned out. She had you in such cute poses that Daddy and Grandpa got in on the act, too. You had your very own Paparazzi.

Happy one week anniversary, Lydia! We are in love with you, and so we’ve probably taken too many pictures and videos of you. But you are such a miracle in our lives! And even though your mommy complained and complained about how much she wanted you earlier, you timed your arrival just right.

Day 2 with Daddy

This is one of your favorite poses, and you do this almost every time we try to feed you.

And the day before that you got a LOT of presents from your Nana (Mommy’s mom), Grams, and Grandpa.

You made them all so happy, and everyone loves holding you!

Day one in the hospital with Grams and Grandpa

With Nana (The nurses gave you a faux-hawk!)

With Uncle Clark

With Daddy

Nana laughing after you peed all over her

Yesterday, Daddy also gave you a tour of your new home. Mommy recorded it on video, but the sound isn’t so great at the beginning of the video. Mainly you hear Mommy doing a lot of Darth Vader breathing (ever since labor, blowing her nose kind of hurts some rather sore muscles…and so her breathing is all skeewompus).

Here’s the tour Daddy gave you:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ywtzx_JUKI

Also, here is a birth video!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ol9qBv29z

We love you, Lydia!

Hello fellow bloggers and blog readers! Thank you so much for rejoicing with us at this special time in our lives. We are SO happy to have Lydia here, and it’s so fun to share our joy with you! Lydia’s arrival was a special event, and so I am excited to record how everything happened.

On Monday I went walking for hours with my in-laws, and I finished up by eating a spicy burrito doused–nay, drenched–in tabasco sauce, all in the hopes that these efforts would yield some real labor pains. To my dismay, at the end of the day, I felt great. Not a pang in sight. Sorely disappointed, I retired to bed at 1am.

One hour later, I woke up with some of the worst pain I have ever experienced. It was too good to be true! In between contractions, I felt so great that I doubted whether I was experiencing the real deal, but an hour later we went to the hospital. Abe kept assuring me I was in labor, but I didn’t believe him until the doctor at the hospital told me that after a mere hour of contracting at home I was already 5 cm dilated! How very exciting.

By that time, the pain was so bad that I was begging for an epidural and vomiting everywhere. Abe’s favorite part to tell occurred right after I threw up all over the place. He brought us two cans of ginger ale and was just about to open his when I insisted that was wasteful and that he share mine. It didn’t occur to me at the time how gross my request was, but he dutifully complied. What a husband!

Abe had to leave the room for the hour that it took for them to put the IV and epidural in. (He faints at the sight of needles.) It took exceptionally long because I kept moving around when I was supposed to be sitting still, and at one point, I doubted they would get the epidural inserted in time. The nurse had the same concern; she called in a bunch of people right before they finally got the epidural in because she thought I was about to start pushing.

Finally, they got the epidural in. After that point, labor turned from agonizing to AWESOME. Really–after I stopped feeling pain, I was overcome with excitement. We had such a great team of nurses, and the room was charged with anticipation and joy. I could not wait to meet Lydia, and I couldn’t keep myself from grinning nonstop. At one point, one of the nurses told me to stop smiling while I was pushing because I needed to focus all of my muscle energy on the pushes–but I couldn’t stop! It was too wonderful to know I was about to meet my daughter.

Plus, I was pretty much in love with everyone in the room. The nurse who helped me through the epidural process stayed 2 hours after her shift ended so that she could help me through pushes and meet Lydia. One of the other nurses just happened to be my old Sunday School teacher from my days at the First Presbyterian Church of Evanston–and she regaled me with tales about my dad and brother between pushes. The other med students in the room were so enthusiastic, our doctor was amazing, and, of course, Abe was the best support team/cheerleader ever. I felt so happy to bring Lydia into the world surrounded by such a wonderful collection of lovely people!

And I could still move around and feel the pressure of contractions, so pushing was a great experience. At one point, the doctor gave me a pep talk and told me I could have Lydia out in five minutes or two hours–depending on how hard I pushed. Two contractions and five minutes later, she was out!

She is beautiful. Her head was so full of hair that the doctor and nurses joked that they would start braiding between pushes. She looks like a little surfer baby because her dark brown hair has light brown highlights at the tips. So cute! And we can’t tell what color her eyes are; they look grey/blue, but I think they will change. She was 7 lbs 9 oz, and 20 1/4 inches long. Yay for not birthing a 10 pound baby!! She is just adorable, and even though she is every bit as vocal as Abe and I expected (having both been quite vocal ourselves when we were her age), we are in love with her.

Here is a picture of Abe calming Lydia:

And when Lydia first came out:

We have more pictures, but at the moment I can’t access them. (I have been up all night with Lydia, and I finally figured out that the bassinet isn’t working. The only thing to do is keep her with me if I hope to have her sleep. So she’s sleeping in front of me while I type away; I am scared to fall asleep with her in the bed until I learn more about co-sleeping from the doctor.)

She is having her newborn pics taken this weekend, so hopefully next week we’ll have a deluge of Lydia shots!

On Saturday night I had a bunch of contractions, and Abe and I thought Lydia was coming soon. So I suggested we write Lydia a letter before she gets here, but I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say other than that I love her and want her to come soon. I didn’t need to worry. Abe had no problem writing a letter to Lydia; pretty much the only thing I did was change the way he signed it. (He signed it, ” Love, Abe and Lily.” I had to remind him that Lydia probably won’t be referring to us by our first names!)

Before I paste the letter, here’s a quick update on steps we’ve taken to encourage Lydia to come soon. I’ve continued to douse my food with red pepper flakes in the hopes that spices will get things going. We also went for a walk with Abe’s parents yesterday at the Baha’i temple. My mom went into labor with both my brother and me on the steps of the Baha’i, and I was really hoping Lydia would follow in that tradition. Sadly, she didn’t come–but we still had a wonderful afternoon. We are also hopeful because the doctor said it’s likely she’ll come in 24 hours. He said that yesterday morning after the plug came out (sorry for the TMI!!) and my (false) contractions were coming at regular intervals. We are hoping!!!

Also, one more quick shout-out to my little brother. Yesterday he spent hours laboring over a Mark Bittman recipe I gave him, and the result was soooooo tasty. Not only was it great food, but I felt so loved because of all the effort and time he put into cooking for us! I have the world’s best family. Abe and I felt so happy last night as we said our prayers and thanked God for being part of such a beautiful network of people. His dad and stepmom arrived yesterday, and we enjoyed spending our afternoon and evening with them and with Clark. We love them, and we can’t wait for Lydia to join us.

Here’s the letter we (and by we, I mean Abe) wrote to Lydia:

Dear Lydia,

We love you. We are so excited to see you! Your mother has carried you for nine
months, and we just can’t wait for you to arrive. We have so enjoyed reading books to
you, picking out clothes for you, talking to you, feeling you kick and listening to your
heartbeat. What a great heartbeat! We can already tell you will have a lot of energy,
which is great! You will be a bundle of excitement in our home.

I don’t know what clothing is like in the pre-existence, but you have sooo many cool
clothes awaiting you here, so don’t feel bad if you have to leave your favorite pair of
spirit slippers behind. We have all kinds of great clothes, in many colors, but mostly
PINK. We’ve decided that will be your favorite color. (Of course you can change your
mind if you want.)

We already know some great things about you through prayer and blessings. We know
that God has long planned your birthday. We know you will have musical skills. And
we know you will be a special spirit. We intend to raise you up unto the Lord, to find joy
in Him, and in the people around you. We want to guide you back to Him, so that we can
be an eternal family. We are so grateful for you, and can’t wait to see you!

Love,

Mom and Dad

This morning, after he discovered me kneeling in the closet crying into the laundry basket about how tired I am of being pregnant, Abe offered to give me a blessing. In our church, a blessing is when someone who hold the priesthood acts like a mouthpiece for God and speaks words of comfort or guidance to the person in need of a blessing. I am so grateful to be married to someone who can do this.

My most favorite part of the blessing said that God had picked Lydia’s birthday long before she was even conceived. That was good to hear–especially since I spent the morning researching the pros and cons of induction. I keep getting stressed out because not only am I tired of being pregnant, but I feel bad that people are traveling all the way out here to help us with the baby–and we have no baby yet!!! My brother has been here for weeks and has to leave for Mali the day after my due date. I was hoping he’d get to meet his niece before he leaves, but every day that passes with no Lydia stresses me out a little bit more. And Abe’s dad and stepmom are coming in tomorrow or Sunday and will be here a week. I will feel TERRIBLE if they have taken off all this time out of their busy schedules–and then don’t even  get to meet their granddaughter.

But I am turning the matter over to God. He has a plan for Lydia, and I am trusting she’ll be born at the exact right second, just like the blessing said. In the meantime, I’m kind of giving up on trying to keep everything perfect in the house. I can see a film of dust on the coffee table in front of me, and I think I shall simply pretend it’s not there and go take a nap.

Maybe I’ll wake up on Lydia’s birthday!

Yesterday as I moaned about how icky I felt, Clark suggested I go for a swim. I haven’t swum since the weather got cold, but since it’s warming up, I allowed myself to entertain his idea. He was quite persuasive.

“With that thing,” he said, looking pointedly at my belly, “I’m sure you’ll, uh, float.”

Hmm…floating did sound appealing, and I really liked the idea of being weightless. So today, when Abe finally prodded me out of bed (at 1pm), I decided to go for a swim.

As I walked down to the pool, I felt sorry for the doorman who has to watch the condo pool on camera. What would he think when he saw a pregnant woman of elephantine proportions floating blithely in the pool? Would my stretch marks show up on camera?

But I cast those thoughts aside as soon as I stepped in the water. Words can not describe how utterly blissful that pool felt. Here are a couple reasons why it felt so good:

1. The water made me feel light as a feather! Weighing in at 200 + lbs, that is a special feeling I don’t get often.

2. My thighs are constantly rubbing together in a very unpleasant way. In the water, I could spread out all of my limbs and let them enjoy the silky feeling of water. I closed my eyes and pretended I was skinny, and no physical sensations contradicted my pleasant delusions.

3. I could lie on my back!! That is my most favorite sleeping position, and these days I can’t sleep like that without experiencing exquisite pain upon waking up. In the pool, I could lie on my back and bob like a cork. Wherever my belly bobbed, the rest of me followed. It was so fun.

4. When I did decide to be active and do some laps, I felt great. No worrying about whether I was hurting my low-hanging baby, no sweat where my new folds of fat rub together, no stretching myself into uncomfortable positions just because the yoga lady on the DVD appears to find these stretches pleasurable…in short, I could have stayed in the pool all day.

But all good things must come to an end. When it was time for me to get out, Abe took a couple pictures at my request. I wanted to remember how great it felt to be in the water, and I also wanted to share the pictures with you! If you are or have been pregnant and are experiencing/have experienced a body image crisis like mine, this picture will comfort you. I have more abjectly humiliating ones I am happy to send out upon request. For any non-pregnant readers, feel free to avert your eyes. =)

I am doing slow snow angel like moves and grinning. At that moment, life felt beautiful!

I am trying everything I can think of to speed along the birth process. The number one thing everyone recommends is walking, and so today my friend Katie and I went for a walk. Even though my back felt broken, I had such a great time. First of all, Katie is a delightful walking buddy. She is so positive and cheerful that it is hard to feel down around her. Thank you, Katie!

Secondly, this is the first day of March. The snow was melting, the weather was mild, and we even spotted buds on the bushes. By the end of the walk, I felt so buoyed up.

We are happy! Wouldn’t all that feathery foliage in the background make you happy, too?

BUDS! On the branches!!! This thrilled our souls. Spring is springing.

After the walk, Clark and I had dinner with our wonderful neighbors from across the hall. We had lasagna–but not just any lasagna. This lasagna took us EIGHT hours to make. We started yesterday and worked on it intermittently for an entire day. I got the idea to make the lasagna when Clark casually dropped a 1 lb package of ground grass-fed beef on the counter and suggested we make dinner. We went back to the store, bought a ton of other ingredients, and a day later we were ready to eat. Thank goodness Dick, Sarah, and Ethan came over to help us eat. There was no way we could have tackled it by ourselves–especially since Abe had to work late tonight. (Don’t worry–we saved him some!)

Clark sharpens his knife as he prepares to tackle the chopping ahead. With the food processor not working, we had our hands full chopping onions, carrots, celery, mushrooms, and prosciutto.

Clark, Sarah, Ethan (looking cute!!), and Dick. We miss you, Abe!

1 comment:

1. Thalia RandallMarch 8, 2011 at 11:47 PMWhy won’t my comments post up??? Anyway I loved your story about the Forever Young song!!! xxReply