Josh and Katie’s Sealing – Saturday, May 26

I had an awesome Saturday.  I got a quick workout in the morning. Lily and I tidied the house, and Lydia and Mary each got a one hour music practice.

Then we ran errands as a family. There was a lot of shopping to do because of all the events we had to prepare for (Josh’s pot luck celebration, dinner with Jake Sunday, dinner with my mom Monday).

After errands, Lily, Georgia and I went to a temple sealing for our friends Josh and Katie Jackson. It was a beautiful ceremony and it was so nice to be a part of it. After the ceremony, we stopped by my friend Nick’s house to briefly visit him and help him with a situation he was having.

Then, at home, I helped with the kids, and I helped to clean while Lily prepared the shishkabob skewers for Josh and Katie’s post sealing party.  After I grilled the skewers, I went to the party with the girls. Georgia had already headed over, and Lily stayed back (with her aching feet) to take care of Ammon and put Clarissa to sleep.

It was a fun party. I did not know many people, but the food was super good and I had a ton of fun with the music. There was a live band that was covering rock and hip-hop songs that I used to listen to as a kid. “I wish” by skeelo, “Regulators” by Warren G, “Gettin Jiggy Wit it” by Will Smith, “Walk This Way” by Aerosmith, “Ice Ice Baby” by Vanilla Ice all were on the list.  The band was great, and even greater will all the dancing children in the pavilion. I just sat back and enjoyed watching the kids dance and especially enjoying watching my daughters dance. I joined in for the last song.

It was also really fun to watch Katie serenade Josh on the Ukulele with “I can’t help falling in love with you.”

 

Nikkos Barnes – Friday, May 25

(This is Abe.) The main thing to report about Friday is that I went to dinner with my friend Nick. I’ve known Nick almost 10 years. I met him in Chicago, and a few years ago he moved to Utah, about 10 minutes away.  He is one of my very best friends and we keep in touch a lot. He’s had a hard life, and has struggled financially and with his career. He is crazy good at beat boxing, and he has a beautiful and kind heart.  He’s been super down on his luck lately because he lost his job and also because of some other challenges he’s been dealing with.

We went to the King Buffet near Smith’s just to hang out. It started out pretty somber, but lightened up once we got talking about Marvel movies and Star Wars. By the end, I think we both would agree that a good time was had, but Nick was still very discouraged.  I was stuffed out of my mind, since I had dinner at home right before going to the King Buffet…Ugh, my diet has been sooooo bad lately.

An Awesome Day At Lagoon! Except Not. An Adam Miller lecture! Except not.

Thursday of this week was set up to be an awesome day. I had cleared my schedule and planned to take the day off of work.  As a family, we were all going to go to Lagoon. The idea was that we would go before school got out for everyone. We wanted to beat the crowds.

After an hour of gathering things for our day at lagoon (diapers, wipes, snacks, sun screen, 6 swim suits, a towel, formula etc), and driving an hour, we arrived at Lagoon only to learn that it was closed to the public, and available only to a certain school district that was having their lagoon day.

We were so set on beating the crowds that we didn’t even stop to consider that crowds to some extent might be necessary for a theme park to be open to the public. Oops!

But as silly as this might sound, the drive down to Lagoon and the drive back was glorious. Finances have been a little tight and also with having a new baby, we really haven’t traveled much in the last year. I LOVE traveling with my family and car talk time with Lily is one of my favorite parts of every trip, and I just got to chat and that was so fun. I’ve missed not traveling much lately, but two hours in the car with my family actually scratched the itch a bit for me. It was nice 🙂

Also awesome was that we then had the entire day free to plan the fruit trees we had purchased earlier in the week.  Lily also got to plant some of the things she purchased at Cook’s. As for the trees, we planted a dwarf apricot, a plumb, a Honeycrisp apple and a Rome Beauty apple. Despite days worth of my allergies flaring up afterwards, I loved being in the yard and planting the trees. It was quite a project and Lily and I barely finished in time to catch our Adam Miller lecture in Provo.

Except when we got there, we realized we got the day wrong. The lecture had happened the day before. Whoops! So, since we had a sitter and Lily and I were already out, we just went to a Thai restaurant, and walked around downtown afterwords. We just talked and talked about things like grace, Lily’s recent spiritual journey, mindfulness, what it means to be Christian etc. I had such an amazing time talking to that woman who is beautiful inside and out. Her mind and heart inspire and fascinate me. It was so incredibly fun just to hang out with her on a beautiful evening. Honestly, one of my favorite dates I’ve ever been on with her.

Honestly, I can’t imagine that this day could have been any better, even if Lagoon were open, and if Adam Miller did present at the time we went to see him.

Tahoe’s, tons of visitors, and Justice Leagu – Wednesday, May 23

I left off the “e” in the title to reflect the fact that Lily and I finished watching the Justice League, except that right as we were in the final battle of the entire movie, our 48 hour rental period, or whatever the time frame was, expired, so Lily and I literally sat there trying to decide if we should pay another $5 just to watch the last 10-15 minutes of the movie. We decided to save the money and read the ending on Wikipeidia. So we saw almost the whole thing.

Lily and I go through stages of superhero movie obsession and super hero movie burnout. I suspect this is a common phenomenon given the plethora of recent super hero movies. We are back in obsession mode again. We also just saw Black Panther and it was amazing.

I should also mention that Wednesday was a very intense playdate/babysitting day for Lily.  I actually don’t know all the details, but a combination of neighborhood friends, other friends, and one of Mary’s classmates (I think) all were over at our house at one point. Lydia suggested there were 20 kids at our house, which may not have been too far off. When I got home, the house was spotless, and Lily was pooped, but I also know that a ton of fun was had by all.

The other thing worth noting about last Wednesday is that we invited the Tahoe’s over to eat desert with us. Ethline couldn’t make it, but Taki came and he brought his children. The desert was simple and yummy; popsicles and ice cream bars. The conversation was so wonderful. I got to know Taki so much better than I have been able to before. We also learned that Ty Nui, his son, get excepted into the One Voice choir, which is amazing and travels around the world. We had a great time talking!

 

 

BBQ at Joe’s House – Tuesday, May 22

Tuesday was an eventful day. I got into work and was informed that I was giving a training about recruiting. It was never put on my calendar, but I was expected to attend and share for about 20 minutes, which I did.

At home, Lily took a hilarious picture of Ammon napping on his floor. He has two modes. Completely conked out, and going at 100 miles an hour.

Later in the day, Lily took the kids to the park.  She was very worried about how to get Ammon to the car when it was time to be  done, because he is so hard to manage, but it all worked out!

I met Lily at home at 5:20, and we went straight to a team Barbeque at Joe Harper’s house. The weather mostly cooperated (it did start to rain, so there were no sports in the yard), but the highlight was the incredible food and company. I had not met the significant others for multiple people on my team so it was awesome to talk with them. Also, Jaden, a sales development rep that I’m trying to recruit to my team, and his wife Mallory were there.

Lily listens to me talk all the time about how much I love my team, what good and fun people they are and about how good of friends we all are. It was so fun hanging out with all of them. And the food was delicious.

Also, often when we attend parties with Ammon, it is hard to socialize because we are so focused on managing him. At this party, Joe introduced Ammon to his automated bubble-blowing gun. Ammon was in heaven and was occupied for almost the entire party blowing bubbles. It was wonderful! Lily had a horrible headache during the party, but she powered through it and got to interact with a lot of my co-workers and their significant others. Also, Lily’s cookies were a hit!

 

Got a garden. Now to grow it!

On Monday morning I rounded the kids up and drove everyone up to Bridal Veil Falls so Lydia could bike, Mary could scooter, Clarissa could snuggle in the Boba, and Ammon could run.

Lydia biked, Mary scootered, Clarissa snuggled, and Ammon…tried to pitch himself into the swollen, raging river. It was a total nightmare. I was wearing Clarissa and still crippled from plantar fasciitis and my pulled groin, but I did yell loud enough to scare Ammon back to the trail on suicide attempt #1. Then I caught him right before he threw himself off the bridge into the river on suicide attempt #2. He really resisted the rescue that time. I forced him into his stroller and placated him with goldfish for the next hour.

Even though my camera got fixed on Saturday, it never occurred to me to take a picture on this outing. I was too busy keeping Ammon alive.

Then we went straight to a doctor’s appointment for Clarissa, during which time Ammon was completely and utterly out of control.

We came home and I collapsed on the couch while Clarissa crawled around the floor. My mom watched her crawl. Thank you, Mom!

After Abe came home, we put Clarissa to bed and then went to Cook’s Greenhouse to buy fruit trees and more plants for the garden. Abe miraculously fit it all in the car!

Relaxing Sunday – May 20

I don’t remember many details from last Sunday, but I do remember that it felt incredibly luxurious and that it was full of a lot of rest and relaxing and that it felt delicious. I’m not even sure how that all happened, but I’m guessing it was a combination of good naps from Clarissa, Stake Conference (church only 2 hours), tv for the kids, and Ammon having a long quiet time/nap time. It felt like what a Sunday should be. A time for nourishment, healing and rejuvenation and preparation for the week ahead.

Lily stayed home from Stake conference because it was right during Clarissa’s nap time.  While home, Lily wrote an article on prophetic fallibility which has been a very important topic for her lately. Lily feels that many people leave the church when they stumble into troubling church history because they can’t handle the idea of the church’s leaders doing crazy wrong things. That cognitive dissonance was destroying Lily inside until she had her epiphany that sometimes even the prophets get things super wrong, and that that is o-k, that the church is still true and inspired, and that all humans have weakness, and that is all God has to work with. It’s a beautiful concept that should put less pressure on the prophet and also less pressure on the saints to treat everything a prophet says as direct instruction from the mouth of God. Instead, it is better to weigh heavily the words of the prophet, but to make your ultimate source of truth your own judgment as enlightened by the Holy Spirit of God. The article is great. It is below:

Prophetic Fallibility: A Light

 

For most faithful members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, facing uncomfortable facts about church history or policy often feels like a test of testimony. The practice of polygamy, the priesthood ban on blacks, and current anti-LGTBQ policies are just three troubling aspects of the Church that, upon closer examination, can leave members reeling–or compel members to leave.

It does not need to be this way.

As those who have studied these issues and chosen to stay can likely attest, there is a logical answer to not only these problems, but indeed, every problem in church history and policy. That answer is prophetic fallibility.

Prophetic fallibility may appear on the surface to be something we all agree on, and yet the practical application of this principle feels heterodox to many.  We just finished sitting through fifteen years of church manuals which began every lesson with stories of how the prophet of the year exemplified the gospel principle of the lesson. We have mutilated and taken D&C 1:38 out of its original context so many times that we commonly treat the prophet’s words as a literal read on the mind of God.  And in our most recent conference, not only did we hear routine praises of the prophet sung by various speakers, but we were reminded that the prophet himself has said he reacts to prophetic utterances with exclamation points instead of question marks.

In our church meetings, when the subject of prophetic revelation arises, almost inevitably someone raises a hand to say that we do not blindly follow the prophet. Instead, this comment continues, we are invited to receive our own personal confirmation of prophetic counsel. In my twenty-two years of church attendance, I have never once heard anyone comment about what to do if our personal revelation leads us to reject the words of the prophet.

Prophets are indeed called of God, but they are also mortal, fallen, and subject to acting on their own bias, ignorance, and even base desires. This should not be news, but it feels like news. Current members and leaders alike unapologetically defend the history of the church. If the Book of Mormon is true, these people insist that everything that followed must also be true. Polygamy was inspired. The priesthood ban on blacks was both instituted and removed by God. God, whose first pronouncement after declaring Adam good was that it was “not good for man to be alone,” now commands our LGBTQ members to live a lifetime of loneliness, so devoid of hope that Wikipedia actually has a page on Mormon LGBTQ suicide rates.

On the whole, it seems as though Mormons would rather worship a malignant God and deal with the subsequent misogyny, racism, and suicide among our own than find fault with our prophets or their policies.

This is not to say that the words of our prophet and past prophets are never inspired. Just yesterday I attended my own stake conference and came away profoundly uplifted and inspired by the new counsel on ministering. President Nelson has acted as a prophetic oracle for me on the subject of ministering, on living the higher law of Sabbath Day observance, and of outlining how critical women are to the work of the Lord. I give his words and the words of all of my leaders the best of my religious attention. When the prophet speaks, I consider it my covenant duty to give their words extra weight in my mind and heart.

But for many years–long, embarrassing years–I confused “following the prophet” with following the Spirit. I fell into the Mormon culture trap and assumed the prophet’s words and the mind of God were the same. I assumed that in order to be active and faithful, I had to ignore the cognitive dissonance at the back of my mind. After all, my own thoughts paled in comparison to God’s, whose thoughts were higher than my own. If the prophet’s words were God’s thoughts, then any cognitive dissonance I experienced was simply evidence of how fallen I am. Though the following statement might sound like lunacy to non-Mormons, I believe most Mormons will understand: Even in the midst of racking cognitive and emotional pain, I never seriously entertained the notion that the prophet could ever get it wrong on an issue that mattered.

I remember the first time I realized that I needed to take personal responsibility for my own views. Sharing this will date my epiphany as all too shamefully recent. I was reading All the Light We Cannot See for the second time, and I came across the passage where Frederick refuses to throw icy water onto the dying Russian. All of the other young Nazis in training throw the water when ordered, but Frederick refuses.

I read this passage and froze.

I read the passage over. I read it again. Then I read it once more.

I realized that I was not Frederick. In my profession of ignorance as to the why’s and how’s of God, I was upholding a system of belief that literally kills people, spiritually and physically. Yes, the Church is the place I go for personal spiritual sustenance, where I find a beautiful community and lean into the grace of God, where I have literally found family, but for others–my LGBTQ brothers and sisters, my black brothers and sisters, my fellow women who feel pain from the fall-out of polygamy culture and the current all-male aspect of the priesthood–the Church is not a haven. Or if it is a spiritual haven for them, it is also a place of distinct and extreme exposure.

The Church remains the bride of Christ, and so much of it is breathtakingly, stunningly beautiful, but we can still do better. But if we hope to keep our beautiful church healthy and relevant for us and our children, we must be willing to face the ugly, uncomfortable aspects of our culture. We must be willing to face these aspects, apologize for them, and then disown them. We need our leaders and prophet to apologize for episodes of our past and acknowledge fallibility and weakness in the present. Above all we need to emphasize, as President Nelson did this past conference, personal revelation. The prophet does not doctrinally function as our intermediary with God, and we should cease to treat him as such.

Only then will we begin to behold the light our culture has yet to see.

 

Another Awesome Saturday and a New Guitar – Saturday, May 19

Saturday is quickly becoming my favorite day of the week.  I have such a good time with Lily and the kids.

On Saturday, May 19, Mary had a piano recital. It was at a music store (Piano Gallery).  She was third on the program (of 50 or so performers), and since Clarissa was squirming in my lap, I left the recital room to look around the store for a bit right after Mary’s piece. I found their guitar selection and longed to buy one. Ammon sat on mine about six months ago and snapped the neck of it. I’ve been wanting to buy one again ever since, but finances have been tight. While in the store, I called Lily who encouraged me to get a decent one so I found one for $229 marked down from $300.  I’ve already played it a lot. I am sooooo grateful to have a guitar again!

Mary did great on her recital piece. She played Mary had a little lamb. Since I am in charge of her piano now, I took extra interest in her performance. Her tempo was a little rushed and uneven at times, but she hit her notes, and overall did a fantastic job. Before going to the recital, she asked if we could wash and vacuum the car for a reward if she did a super good job. She had such a blast last time we washed and vacuumed the car together (when she picked out cotton candy scented deoderizer) that she now views it as a reward. I agreed to her request, so after the recital we went to wash and vacuum the car. She chose a daisy fields deoderizer this time which was a major upgrade from the cotton candy one. I love my one on one time with Mary!

Also, Lydia and Mary helped Lily make BBQ chicken pizza and IT WAS SO DELICIOUS!

 

 

 

Forgiveness – Monday, May 14

Monday May 14 turned out to be one of the most significant days for me of my entire life.  Comically, there is a slight chance I’m mixing things up and the important things happened on Tuesday….but I really do think Monday was when they most likely happened.

Weather has been unbelievably good the past few weeks. I think May is my new favorite month. I love being outside when the weather is good. Again we spent time outside after I got home from work, and I got these cute shots of Ammon.

Even though the weather was nice, I was feeling very sad and troubled, and Lily could tell. Lily started feeling very sad because she felt like she did something wrong to make me feel bad. We put the kids down and we started to talk. As we started to talk, I started to blame Lily for why I was feeling sad and troubled. I won’t go into my accusations. They were relatively minor, but still hurtful enough. Obviously hearing me make accusations upset Lily so she went downstairs to work on cleaning up dinner. I sat in my room and prayed and cried. I then went downstairs to be with Lily, having no idea what I was going to say to her.

I then just collapsed onto her and burst into tears and apologized for my behavior. We went downstairs in the basement where we could be alone and I sat on the futon weeping and confessing the fact that I had been feeling jealous of all of the attention and praise she was getting because of her mother’s day talk.  I felt so pathetic. Jealousy is something I feel frequently, probably daily and it is one of my biggest Achilles heels. I apologized profusely and tearfully about not being able to celebrate her successes better with her, I apologized for being threatened by her successes, and I just let everything out and allowed myself to be more vulnerable than I had ever allowed myself to be. In that moment, Lily sat right on top of me and stroked my hair, just saying over and over that I was beautiful, that I was so self-aware and vulnerable, and that she forgave me, and that it wasn’t my fault. She told me later that she felt promptings from the Spirit in that moment that helped her to understand why I was struggling the way I was and it helped her to have deep compassion on me. I felt so pathetic, and yet this amazing woman was stroking my hair and calling me beautiful. I’m sorry for how personal this segment is…..but I need to capture this moment for my posterity.  That moment to me was the most loved I have ever felt in my entire life. It was a moment in my most pathetic wretchedness, feeling lower than the dust of the earth for the way I failed Lily, and yet, I was received, accepted, loved, forgiven……even beautiful to her. That moment is seared into my memory. It was a major turning point to some of the strain Lily and I had been facing and we have been on a major high ever since. True love is so powerful.