Author: lilydarais

On Sunday morning Abe and I knew we had a big day ahead of us, so we both woke up early to get ready for the day.  Then we got the kids ready and started celebrating Mother’s Day.

By which I mean, Abe and the kids made me my favorite Mother’s Day breakfast in bed (Martha Stewart French Toast), presented me with chocolate dipped strawberries in hand-painted boxes and love notes, and then gave me lots of time alone to just pray, write, and practice my talk. The sun was shining through the windows and I felt so happy and full of grace.

Then it was time for church. I gave my talk, and that was a beautiful experience. I felt so much love from God and from my ward. Afterward I felt so embraced by my ward–I felt like I was surrounded by love. It felt a celestial connectedness. I had just shared my raw self–the unpolished parts, the parts I wasn’t proud of–with my ward, and afterward I was embraced. That is an amazing feeling. It was a total gift.

Then afterward we headed to the Miners to celebrate Mother’s Day and Tom’s birthday. Tom, Suzanne, and Doris had come all the way down to hear my talk, and so we spent most of the day with them.

It was a wonderful day.

When it was all over, I submitted my talk to By Common Consent, and when I woke up the next morning, there was an email saying they were going to publish it! They just wanted me to write some sub headings and a brief bio. Once those were written, they published it:

https://bycommonconsent.com/2018/05/14/i-am-a-child-of-heavenly-mother/

 

Today the weather was perfect again, and we all had really wonderful days. Abe had a good day at work, and I honestly enjoyed myself all day at home with the kids. They were all well-behaved, and in the afternoon we went outside and enjoyed the glorious weather.

Ammon and I played a game where we named animals for almost an hour, and somehow we both thought that was so amusing. Clarissa was darling all day and is so proud of herself because she can crawl and pull herself up to stand. She did a lot of happy nose crinkles all day long. Mary had her teddy-bear picnic at school, and Lydia brought home her poster for arbor day. She won third place in the whole school! I was amazed at her poster and want to frame it. Abe’s family has a ton of artists, and mine has a few, so perhaps Lydia picked up some of the art genes.

My mom has been really enjoying her family history and has been working hard on the Fiery family line. She has been on a roll with that.

When Abe came home after work, we lounged in the back yard together for an hour before corralling the kids to bed. As soon as the kids were in bed, we went and helped our next door neighbors shovel their giant rock pile. That was really fun, and afterward Abe and I went swimming.

It really was such a great day.

On Monday Abe got up at 5am to catch the 5:40 temple session. He missed it by one minute! But he got on the next session, so it all worked out. Clarissa caught the early-morning bug and decided to get up at 5:15. It was an early day for all of us.

The morning got very busy with a play date that kept ballooning. It started off with Heather, Amy, and their kids, and then my neighbor Lydia and her kids joined in. I enjoy all of the lively commotion, but sometimes I do get nervous with so many kids running around the house without supervision. I just have heard a lot of stories about what can go wrong with sexual abuse, and so I usually try to keep the house hordes-free. We weren’t quite at horde level Monday morning…but we were sure getting close!

In the evening I made Abe take Mary to her piano lesson because I can’t figure out how to practice with her lately.

Ammon is just such a handful, and so is Clarissa. After her piano lesson, they cleaned and vacuumed Abe’s car, much to Mary’s delight. She kept saying, “Wow, you  really ARE the best dad!!!” the whole time because she was so thrilled to be polishing the car. Abe was tickled pink.

This is Abe. I am sitting on my porch at 8:40 PM, blogging next to Lily who is reading a book about Adam and Eve. It is 68 degrees. No wind. Dusk. No bugs. I. Love. Summer. in. Utah.

We had a very good week this week. I had a personal breakthrough in letting go of a lot of my personal goals and routines. I know that sounds like I’m settling and not trying to achieve as much. It sounds like that, because it is that 🙂 Ha. But I’ve found myself able to be way more flexible and happy in each moment, and it turns out flexibility matters when you have four kids 🙂 This week had a lot of awesome moments that I’m so glad I was able to be mindful for rather than being stressed out at each moment that my agenda, vision and goals for the day were not getting executed. Tuesday-Thursday was a work trip for me in Ohio. The meetings went well. I always miss Lily and the family when I’m gone, and I’m always so grateful to return home safe and sound. Things went well for Lily at home. One of her recent secrets has been cooking all the food for the week on Saturday. That definitely helped her week to go more smoothly. She also had a play-date with Heather on Wednesday which she loved. Mary helped Lily make rolls for the playdate (pics below) and also Ammon had fun playing dress-up right before the play-date.

 

Now for the rundown of Friday through Sunday:

Lily came to Qualtrics with the kids on Friday. It was fun to see them!

 

When I got home from work on Friday, we did our normal evening routine, after which I took Ammon to the emergency to get his staples removed from his head. Lydia and Mary came for moral support for Ammon and they were darling. They had me assure them that they could close their eyes while the doctor took the staples out. I assured them.

Ammon fussed a little. It hurt more than getting them in, but he did just fine.

Saturday was a mammoth day, but a very very good one.  In the morning I exercised and then the whole family went on a run together. We went to a church parking lot. Lily and I jogged and walked, Lydia rode her bikes and Mary and Ammon were in the buddy bubble. In the church parking lot, I raced Lydia on her bike. It was so fun to “compete” with her, and “trash talk” to her (“you can never beat me!!”) only to see her going faster and faster on her bike. My, how she has taken off after just learning a week ago!

At home, I couldn’t resist myself, and I made a tuna sandwich and lemonade setup for everyone to refresh ourselves after the outing.  It was only 10:30, not even close to time for lunch, but I hadn’t eaten breakfast and want to have an outside brunch with the kids 🙂 Pics below:

The morning also involved helping my neighbor to shovel rocks into wheel-barrels for his landscaping.  That ended when another neighbor asked me to help move a pool table.  I couldn’t believe how heavy it was, and even though we left a ton of marks (and a hole) in their wall, I’m just glad nobody got injured. I’ve been studying a lot about service lately and losing our lives in the service of God to truly find our own happiness. To me it is not a coincidence that I had opportunities to serve on the very week that I was pondering about serving others.

After all the activities in the morning, Lily and I did some housecleaning. Then I took the youngest 3 kids to get groceries (thanks to Lily’s list!) and Lily took Lydia to her harp festival. 

I’m not exactly sure what the event was, but Lydia competed against others at her level or age and come home with “superior” which is the highest mark you can get. This made me extremely pleased, especially because I have a sense for all the long hard painful hours Lily and Lydia have put into practicing. Lily was also so pleased that she bought Lydia a necklace at the festival.  Lydia broke it as soon as she got home, and completely melted into a puddle. One thing about Lydia is that the moment something is not how she thinks she needs it to be, she completely falls apart, starts balling, and throwing a giant fit, often with her back flat on the ground.

“Now I’ll never have a necklace!”

“It’s impossible to fix!”

“I need a chain that looks just like this one!”

And my personal [least] favorite:

“Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeaaaaa!!!” (at the top of her voice which can be extremely loud and blaring).

I was not feeling patient in the moment, and I looked Lydia in the eye and said, “Lydia, I’m sorry your necklace broke, we will do everything we can to make it right. Right now I’m dealing with two real babies, Ammon, and Clarissa. They are both crying too. Stop acting like you are also a baby. Pull yourself together, or I will throw what’s left of your necklace in the trash.”

Maybe not my finest parenting moment. Or maybe it was? That garbage behavior is not acceptable to me. When to use tender love and when to use firmness…..?  Ahh, parenting is so confusing. I was glad Lily showed more empathy than I did. It’s so awesome to parent in a group, so that we can round out each other’s parenting. I’d say the “mean cop” is just the parent that has recently spent the most time with the kids respective to the one specific moment in question :). Who is most worn out? Yeah, that parent will be the one being firm/harsh. The other “fresher” parent has the energy to swoop in with tenderness. At least that’s how it seems to work in my house :).

Anyway, later in the evening I fixed her necklace and told her, so it all worked out. Sunday she broke her necklace again, and I celebrated her for not throwing a fit or even feeling sad or crying. Not even a little! After I congratulated her, she said, “Dad, I’m not sad because I know you can fix it now.” Hahaha, parenting sure can be charming at times.

After a delicious salmon dinner (which Chris, our yard-keeper joined us for, to our great delight), Lily and I stayed up late getting her cooking done for the week.

Sunday was an awesome day and way more low-key than yesterday. I especially needed a break after how physical Saturday was. At 10:00 I went up stairs to shower and get ready for work, and then woke up 20 minutes later, since all I actually did was collapse on the bed. Then Lily gave me a back massage which was amazing after all the manual labor yesterday.  I then took the kids while Lily napped and read her book about Adam and Eve called The First Love Story, Adam, Eve, and Us by Bruce Feiler. Church was nuts. Ammon is in a completely nutty stage right now. Think of a normal two year old boy (already crazy) and then think of giving that boy caffeine pills. That is what Ammon has been likely lately. He talks, moves, runs, sings, skips, jumps, spins in circles, crawls, climbs, jumps again, gives kisses, falls, gets back up, talks more. and that might all be in a few minutes.  Ha, he is so hard to keep up with. Lily and I took turns in sacrament being with him outside because he was so hyper. Then Clarissa woke up in her car-seat right after sacrament, so I took her home and did the budget while she crawled around. I was to tired from yesterday (and fasting) and didn’t feel like I could handle her at church.  Clarissa is also in an amazing stage. Her crawling is getting faster! She’s now more like a puppy than the snail she was 2-3 weeks ago. And she is dazzled by all the drawers, the pantry, the open dishwasher, the pan drawer under the oven, the hutch.  She was in an incredible mood all day as she explored this new world that has opened to her now that she is so mobile and even standing. That’s right, standing! I caught her yesterday and today getting to a standing position by herself and holding herself there so she could have a better reach into all the treasures in the dishwasher.

Dinner was a wonderful pizza meal outside, and now, as I mentioned in the beginning, Lily and I are chilling in the porch. It was a wonderful, wonderful week.

 

 

 

On Monday my mom took Lydia to her school gala. They had a great time!

I had a great session with my therapist earlier in the day. It was emotionally draining, though, and so by the evening I was spent. I got the kids fed and bathed, and when Abe came home I handed them over and crawled into bed.

Abe is going out of town this week, so I rested up. It always seems that disasters happen when he is out of town, so my fingers are crossed that we survive until Friday.

On Sunday morning Abe and the kids had fun playing pretend.

Then Abe taught Lydia how to ride a bike. She finally figured it out! We were all amazed and so proud of her.

Then after church Abe fed Clarissa in the cul-de-sac while hanging out with our neighbor, Josh.

Then Liem and Phuong returned from their camping trip and joined us for dinner. We just love them!

Abe and I had a really rough Saturday morning, but by the evening things were better. I spent the whole evening cooking for the week because Abe is going out of town, and even when he is in town I have discovered there is no way I can cook dinner after 3pm. Often I am not disciplined enough to cook during Clarissa’s super short morning nap, so if I want to stay in budget and not feed my kids junk food, I have to cook on Saturdays.

Abe got a picture. This week I made: Middle Eastern stuffed peppers with tofu (from the Moosewood Lowfat Favorites cookbook), the Pioneer Woman’s stuffed peppers, the Pioneer Woman’s baked ziti,  Cookie and Kate’s minestrone, and Jessica Seinfeld’s chocolate cherry date balls (from her Virtue and Vice cookbook).  I didn’t get around to making the Our Best Bites black bean taquitos with cilantro dip, but our fridge is out of space. Also, we have more food than we will eat already, but in the unlikely scenario that we run out, I can conjure up some self discipline and make those Friday during Clarissa’s nap.

Abe was a really helpful command center because it’s hard to cook so many things at the same time! Last time I did this I ended up dumping quinoa into the marinara sauce. I also felt too rushed to taste-and-amend, so I just dumped a whole can of anchovies in there for extra umami, and whoa. It was so gross. That sauce definitely went in the trash.

 

 

On Friday I let the kids skip school so we could go to the Jordan River Temple open house. Because we live in Utah, this is their fourth temple open house. I was a little scared of braving the open house without Abe to chase Ammon, but it ended up that this was the least crowded open house I have ever attended. It was much less stressful than the last one we attended with Ammon.

The weather was glorious, and when we got inside the temple, we all loved the art. My mom did an amazing job discussing all of the paintings with the children. Ammon kept trying to touch the paintings and leave the designated tour route. I had Clarissa in the carrier, so that freed up my hands to preemptively pounce when I observed he was about to run a different direction. All in all, it was a successful experience and a beautiful memory.

Afterward we drove to a greenhouse and got some plants for our garden. In the evening, Abe, my mom, and the girls planted while I tried to write my new talk. I worked so late on it that Abe ended up having difficulty sleeping and slept for fewer than two hours during the night. This talk writing has been quite a process, and we are all on the verge of breakdown. I am quite tempted to call up the bishopric and inform them I won’t be speaking.

Oh, and The Exponent offered to publish my Eve talk. They offered the morning after I was told in the blessing to write a new one, and so now I’m not sure if they will still publish it. Originally they were going to include it in the Sabbath Pastoral section for next Mother’s Day, but since it is no longer a talk, the features editors are considering it as an article. I personally think I would have to make the talk a lot more linear for it to work as an article, but I guess we’ll just have to see what the features editors think.

On Thursday after we put the kids to sleep, Abe and I headed to the gym. I swam and he did some weights. It felt so nice to do some exercise. I had forgotten what it felt like to swim when I am not pregnant. Wow! Swimming actually affects your ab muscles. I had forgotten.

Then we came home and got ready for bed. Liem and Phuong came to spend the night before their trip to Moab. They  bravely invited us to join them a couple weeks ago, and Abe and I loved the idea of camping with them. But right now with everyone on the brink of collapse and Clarissa’s sleep schedule so recently established, we had to decline the invitation.

We love Liem and Phuong, though, so we are hoping that maybe sometime in the future we can join them in an adventure.

Mary has a performance class once a month, and today she must have been extra spacey. While her wiggles and thought wanderings are frustrating, they are also endearing to Abe and me because we are both quite spacey ourselves. Abe laughed really hard when he asked Mary how her recital went, and she said, “Good, except it was kind of embarrassing because the class cast a spell on me.”

“What kind of spell?” Abe asked.

“Mr. Olsen told them to say, ‘Hocus pocus, Mary focus!'” Mary replied.

“Did it work?”

“It wasn’t a real spell, Dad! Although I guess it did work…the second time.”

Abe didn’t tell me this anecdote right away because I spent the day recovering from my dream, but when he did tell me several days later, I thought it was hilarious.