Author: lilydarais

Lydia was a munchkin in her school play, The Wizard of Oz. I enjoyed the play so much on Thursday that we went again on Friday and took Eli with us. Abby, Lydia’s favorite babysitter, also came.

I really can’t overstate how enjoyable it was to watch Lydia and all of the other kids in this play. I enjoyed it every bit as much as a Broadway play and felt like I could watch it every night for the rest of the month. The kids were all so delightful!

Earlier in the day it was nice enough to play outside for the first time in a LONG time, so I took Ammon and Clarissa outside after dropping the girls off at school. They enjoyed it.

On Thursday we went to Lydia’s evening performance of The Wizard of Oz.  I literally couldn’t even recognize Lydia when she came on stage. I stared at all of the munchkins until their song was almost done, at which point I turned in desperation to Abe and whispered, “Which one’s Lydia???”

He pointed. Can you figure out which one she is?

Abe had to leave half way through with Clarissa, but Ammon sat on my lap riveted for the whole play. We all LOVED it. I love my little Munchkin!

One of my absolute favorite things about Facebook is my Mom to Mom group. It’s a group of Temple Square returned missionaries who are now moms, and it is an incredible forum. In the group, we all just ask honest questions about anything and everything and give each other honest feedback. As far as I can tell, everyone is very authentic and open, and there is no posturing at all. Even as we are exchanging advice, the tone is one of sharing and not knowing-it-all-because-we-are-perfect.

Another cool thing about this group is that it is very international. Temple Square sisters come from around the world, so when we ask questions, we can get feedback from sisters in Japan, Denmark, and Brazil, as well as from around the country. Did I say I love it? I love it.

Anyway, when my mastitis was killing me, I messaged my group and asked for help. I got LOTS of great advice, but one surprising piece of advice came from a Ukrainian sister. She said she always eats fresh pineapple throughout the day for several days and that helps. Then a sister from Japan chipped in and said, “I do this too!”

I figure if both Ukraine and Japan suggest it, they must be on to something.

So: Pineapple for mastitis. It works!

Also, Swathi, my amazing SIL who is also a doctor, researched mastitis on her doctor forums and sent me not only her sympathy (which I LOVE), but also a bottle of sunflower lecithin. I love it.

Mastitis, I hate you and I fear you. You make me want to use formula. You are scary! BUT thanks to the amazing sisters in my life, I will survive you!!!!

Lydia’s birthday party was a success! She invited the other first grade girls in her class over for donuts and Disney on Ice.

There are only four other first grade girls in her class, and since only three could come, they all fit in the van with Abe, my mom, and Mary.

We were a little worried that Ammon wouldn’t have the attention span necessary for Disney on Ice, but it turns out he was riveted. Abe even put cotton candy in front of him and he completely, uncharacteristically ignored it.

I stayed home with Clarissa and had a peaceful couple hours while everyone was at Disney on Ice.

It was a lovely day, and we were thrilled to celebrate the beautiful girl who is our Lydia!

 

Today Lydia turned SEVEN. Can you believe it? I can’t! It seems like just yesterday I was lying in bed staring at the picture of the baby on our bassinet wondering what Lydia would look like when she was born.

Now it’s seven FAST years later, and Lydia is so happy–all the time! She runs around the house singing, shouting, and stomping for joy. Every day at school is a “GREAT!” day, and she loves everyone and everything in her life. She expresses enthusiasm for everything from simple pleasures (such as buying school lunches, learning new German words, and attempting the splits) to celebrations (she recently declared St. Patrick’s Day as her favorite holiday) to people (I can’t think of a person Lydia doesn’t actively love). In her free time, Lydia can most often be found drawing, coloring, and writing love notes to family members and friends. She loves cuddles and hugs, and she is one of the most reliably affectionate people on the planet.

Lydia is an exceptional friend and always kind to everyone (except for, occasionally, Mary…). She has also earned our trust by having never told us a lie, ever. In seven years, Lydia has managed to literally tell the truth consistently in every life circumstance, and Abe and I rely unquestioningly on her word.

Also, Lydia is forgiving. I have done a LOT of learning on her, and she has been the most patient, forgiving, loving child. She still loves me, even after all of the mistakes I’ve made.

I always tell Lydia that I have wanted a daughter Lydia since I was old enough to think. She is my happiest imaginings incarnate–my dream come true. I love her and am so grateful she is my daughter!

I wish I had been feeling better on her birthday because I would have taken more pictures. I spent most of my energy making her two birthday cakes, one for breakfast and one for after dinner. My mastitis was killing me and it was a battle to prepare and celebrate for this special day. At the end of the day what I most want is for Lydia to know she is loved for who she is, right now in this moment.

Her little seven-year-old heartbeat is so cherished. I love you, Lydia. Happy birthday, sweet girl!

I lay in bed all day dying from mastitis and viruses and all the germs.

Abe and my mom were heroes and did everything while I lay around doing nothing.

Abe and Mary did have an amusing argument at dinner, which I shall transcribe:

Abe: Mary, you are not in charge, I am charge!

Mary: Yes, but I am in charge of this argument! This is my food that we are arguing about so this is my argument and I am in charge of it!

Abe: Mary, it is not your food. It is my food. Who bought the food?

Mary: You did.

Abe: Who made the food?

Mary: You did. (Actually, most of the food was made by Chelsea, who generously made us dinner, but the food in question was soup microwaved by Abe.)

Abe: Who gave you the food?

Mary: You did.

Abe: It’s not your food, Mary. It’s my food, and I’m just trying to help you be healthy.

Mary: You’re just trying to be bossy.

Abe: No I’m trying to help you be healthy and if you don’t want dessert (pineapple–we are trying to eliminate sugar )that’s fine, you don’t have to eat your food. I’m not arguing with you anymore.

Mary: HUMPH!

Mary is the only person I know who actually, truly “humphs.” I had never heard a “humph” until I met five-year-old Mary. She accompanies her “humph” with a toss of her hair and an indignant lift of her chin. It’s astonishing.

It’s the eve of Lydia’s birthday. We have discovered that birthdays are hard on the sister not having a birthday. When Abe tried to get Mary to do her homework this afternoon, she screamed, “ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS LYDIA’S BIRTHDAY!!!” Sigh. Hopefully we all survive tomorrow.

On Tuesday I was not feeling well, and so Abe stayed home until it was time for us all to go to the dentist. The girls literally jump up and down and shout for joy when we tell them we are going to the dentist. This is probably because our dentist is very kid friendly. There are TONS of snacks, drinks, prizes, kid chairs, kid games, and special rooms for kids with TV’s and various entertainment. My kids love it.

After the dentist, I told Abe he could go to work, but when I got home and started to nurse Clarissa, my body went into a state of shock. I started shaking uncontrollably and lost feeling in my fingertips.  Lydia handed me the phone and I called Abe and asked him to come home.

He came right home, took Clarissa, and put me to bed. I was so cold I literally could not feel my hands and was shaking violently for the better part of an hour. He piled on blankets, brought in a space heater, gave me hand warmers and told me I was going to feel fine really soon. Eventually I started to warm up and spent the next hour cowering under the covers in abject misery.

Abe called our dear friend, Chelsea, who is a PA, and asked her what she thought I had. They were trying to decide if I should see a doctor, but I was not up to leaving bed, so Abe decided just to try to let me rest and see if that would help.

Eventually I slept and when I woke up, I was drenched in sweat and so hot that I threw off the covers, took off all of my clothes, and lay on the floor. Then I devoured ice cream my mom bought for me (still naked) and drank a ton of water.

After a detox bath wherein I tried my best to express milk from a plugged duct, I fell back into bed, which is where Chelsea found me when she came over for a surprise visit. I was sitting comatose in bed wearing just underwear when Chelsea’s bright, smiling self popped into my bedroom.

There have been very few times in my life that I felt so happy to see someone. Chelsea was wearing her stethoscope, and I felt SO grateful she had come to rescue me! She cheerfully sat down on the space heater in the middle of my chaotic bedroom and talked to me until my spirits were lifted. At that point, she examined me and discovered I have mastitis–on top of a virus or two that came from our recent viral week from Hell.

I can not express how much I love Chelsea. She is, in my mind, as perfect as people come. She is cheerful, unassuming, endlessly kind, charitable to the point of continual action, and just an incredible friend. I feel so lucky to have her in my life.

After Chelsea called in a prescription for me, I fell asleep. When I woke up, Abe had picked up the prescription and I started my second round of antibiotics this year.

Abe and I decided we are going to ban sugar again in April make the rest of the year the Year of the Gut: Everyone is going to eat probiotics, pickles, sauerkraut, everything with apple cider vinegar, yogurt, and vitamin supplements around the clock until our guts are healed, our immune systems are strong, and we no longer are a house of constant illness.

Also, my mom has been heroic in helping with the kids while Abe has been taking care of me. She has done a TON.  Abe has been heroic helping me and the kids on very little sleep. Ammon and Clarissa have been getting up a lot at night, and since I’ve been sick, Abe has been going to them all night long and then caring for all of us during the day. I fear constantly that he’s putting his health in jeopardy, but since I literally can’t do anything more to help, I’m just praying God gives him a pass on this round of sickness.

On Monday I was still feeling ill and Abe had been up all night because Clarissa and Ammon kept waking up (and, in Clarissa’s case, staying up). Abe realized he has a lot more days off this year than he has ever had and took the day off.

I hadn’t been to the temple in a long time and took advantage of the opportunity to go. I bumped into Lydia’s harp teacher, Anamae, at the temple! That was a highlight.

The temple also made me feel grateful for the painful experiences in life. They are an indispensable part of the knowledge I came to earth to acquire. Also, I love Eve. Mormons revere Eve for her bravery and forward thinking in eating the apple, and I feel that her story has layers upon layers of meaning, inspiration, and guidance for me. For example: Sometimes the “right” thing is not rigid obedience, but instead purposeful, intentional living. Even though Eve was beguiled by SATAN, her choice was, at the end of the day, one that we (at least Mormons) revere. It was a beautiful, inspired, thoughtful, faithful, loving choice. She stepped out of divinely drawn boundaries and by so doing became “the mother of all living.”

This tells me that God may not care as much about who inspired our choices as much as She and He care about how we make them.

I believe polygamy was not inspired, that women should have equal power in the church, and that gay people should be able to get married in the temple.  For me, these beliefs are a departure from the teachings of our prophet (divinely drawn boundaries for belief), but they are beliefs that I have thought a lot about and take personal responsibility for owning. They are just a few of my “apples.”  They come from my reading of Christ’s nature and life and are personal conclusions that I can wholeheartedly own.

I have  a lot more apples, and I am grateful to Eve for leading the way on living a life that questions and leads by action –and also follows in faith.

After the temple I came home quickly before heading back out for an appointment with my therapist. I have a tendency to treat her as a confessor, and while sometimes that helps me feel expiated, this time I felt like she was one step away from calling child services on me. I left feeling a little paranoid and panicky, which is not the point of therapy (at least I don’t think it is).

Then I met up with Abe, Clarissa, and Lydia for Lydia’s parent teacher conference. (My mom was at home with Ammon during his “nap” time and Mary’s coloring time.)

I felt like a terrible parent because I had just complained about my kids to the therapist, and then at the parent teacher conference Mrs. Issa reminded me that Lydia is AMAZING. She has the kindest, sweetest heart. She never has “girl drama” and is known for being kind to everyone. She is at the top of her class for math and social studies, and has made over one year’s progress in reading since August. She started off the year at decoding and now is at a 1.3 level (first grade, third month). Mrs. Issa said social studies is Lydia’s passion. She hangs onto every word and retains all of the details she learns about other cultures. (We already knew that because Lydia is bonkers about China and Germany, and really any other culture she gets a good introduction to.)

We were so proud of Lydia. My favorite part was being reminded of her sweet heart. She is so forgiving and kind. Sometimes that can get slightly hidden by how loud and joyfully obnoxious she can be (which is exacerbated by the fact that Mary has a sensitive nervous system and can’t handle loud people unless it’s herself throwing a tantrum…). Yikes! ANYWAY, Lydia is awesome, we’re proud of her and so grateful she’s ours. 🙂

Then we drove to Trader Joe’s and stocked up. I can’t wait until one opens in Orem this year. I really can’t.

We got back to Orem and hustled the girls to ballet and tumbling, and then it was time to eat a quick dinner before Mary’s piano lesson. I did not feel up to facing her teacher with the lack of practicing we did, so I let Abe go for me. He took some videos so I would know what to work on this week.

Then Abe got some ice cream for the girls to celebrate Lydia’s excellent parent teacher conference.

I was feeling feverish by that point and went to bed early.

On Sunday I was sick, so I stayed home from church and rested. I really wanted to go to church because I am always inspired there and felt in need of inspiration, but I also felt like if I didn’t sleep I would die. So I slept.

For FHE my mom helped Lydia prepare “Pin the Tail on the Donkey” for us. Lydia has been dying to play this game. The kids had so much fun and didn’t want to stop playing. We promised them they could play it again some other time.

Also some random pictures of Lydia and Mary’s artwork. Most of it is really sweet and fun to discover. Sometimes, though, we discover notes with not-as-sweet sentiments (such as the last note on the bottom from Lydia saying, “STAY OUT OF MY WAY! 🙁 ” I assume this was written after a bad harp practice. 🙁

 

On Saturday morning I tried to join Abe for our exercise routine, but while I was working out I started thinking about the Nas Daily clips and wondered, “Why am I not forest bathing in a Japanese forest right now? Instead I’m worried our dryer is broken, I haven’t slept in five nights (Clarissa woke up after Abe got home), and I live in Orem.”

At that point I felt so depressed that I just parked myself on the couch and watched Abe work out.

After that I told Abe I had messed up and done something wrong. I felt like my purpose revolved around smelling Japanese cherry trees, riding camels in Egypt, and studying the beauty of Moroccan window handles– and definitely NOT being home with four little kids all the time. I missed the boat. I made all the wrong choices! My life needed a drastic intervention.

At this point Abe got a little frustrated with me and blamed social media for my crazy delusional meltdown.

So I took my crazy meltdown upstairs and vented on my poor, sweet, unsuspecting mother and blamed her for all of my “bad” choices. It was one of my worst moments and I am not proud of my behavior. I’m not great at taking personal responsibility under normal circumstances, but under duress, I am particularly weak in this area. Thankfully I have a loving, forgiving mother who responded to my breakdown with love and kindness. I am so lucky.

We spent the rest of the day trying to recover from my meltdowns. I finally went to bed sort of early, although Clarissa again spent most of the night awake…

It was a rough day.

Here are some happy pictures, though!