I didn’t sleep enough last night AND I overdid it on the chocolate mousse, and I think my sugar-compromised immune system couldn’t handle it. I woke up feeling sick, and since my kids have both been battling colds for over a week, I decided to call it a stay-at-home day and skip Lydia’s last swimming lesson.
We did a lot of movies, reading, piano playing, song singing…and more movies. At 5 pm Aria and Paige rescued me from an evening of digital entertainment and came over for a play date.
I had the kids help me bread the eggplant that I turned into eggplant Parmesan for dinner. Abe and I had a wonderful time talking for dinner. We kept mindlessly feeding the girls whatever they wanted so we could talk longer. We don’t get to see each other at all on Wednesdays, so it felt like we had to catch up. Next semester I have class Wednesday and Thursday, so we’ll go those two days without seeing each other at all. So sad.
Anyway, I think I am going to bed early to try to get rid of this bug. We have a birthday party to attend tomorrow, so I can’t have another stay-at-home day. In fact, I’ll have a really rushed morning because I have yet to buy and wrap the gift!!
This morning was PERFECT. If every morning could be like this one, I’d have it made! The kids slept in, so before I got them for breakfast, I had a chance to read scriptures, write in my scripture journal, run two miles (on the treadmill in the basement), and take a shower. It was wonderful.
Then I fed the kids breakfast, after which Mary asked for a nap and Lydia asked for quiet time. Um, sure? I put them down and practiced for an hour before I got them up to go to Lydia’s swimming lesson. I spent the entire lesson chasing Mary outside. She loves being chased. Then it was lunch and more quiet time. I got another two hours of piano in, plus folded a load of laundry AND tidied/cleaned the house.
Then Lydia and I went outside for a nail painting party.
Then I fed the girls a snack before leaving for school.
I have so much anxiety before class these days. I basically spiritually crawl to the feet of Jesus the whole car ride to school and beg for help/strength to make it through class. So far, that tactic has served me well. Tonight went great. I made ratatouille, a fish dish, a sauce, escargot, and some vinaigrette.
Yesterday one of the lifeguards told me I could swim with Mary during Lydia’s lesson. I then promised Mary she could finally go swimming at Lydia’s next lesson instead of watching Lydia longingly, but when we got there the head lifeguard told me I’d been misinformed. Poor Mary! I didn’t know how I was going to break the bad news, especially since she was already in her swimsuit and practically hyperventilating with anticipation.
Thankfully, the lifeguard took one look at her and said, “Oh, look at her! How could I say no? Just this once…” Yay! So Mary and I swam while Lydia had her lesson.
That was really the only activity of note today. The rest of the day was just homework, laundry, cooking, and marathon naps from both girls. They didn’t sleep in, so I guess they were making up for yesterday’s late bedtimes during their naps.
After dinner, we all watched Aladdin in memory of Robin Williams, who died today. I have mixed emotions about Disney princesses, and Princess Jasmine and Ariel top my list as way-too-sexy princess role models for young girls. For Lydia’s first two years, I feel like I put up a decent fight, but this last year I’ve just given in. I just hope the damage isn’t too severe. Lydia rolled up her shirt halfway through the movie, at which point my heart may have stopped. I suppose I should have stopped the movie right then and there. Sigh.
On Saturday I had Majudara for the first time (because of our O’Falafal Groupon). Imagine my excitement when this month’s issue of Cook’s Illustrated contained the recipe! It was too good to be true. I had to make the dish.
So tonight I made it, and we had the Anderson’s over for dinner because I was so excited to share the joy of this dish. And I had leftover sugared saffron sauce from class and wanted to make panna cotta again. I love it when food turns out well, and tonight I can say, with the exception of the panna cotta (too gelatinous; I should have dialed down the gelatin), everything turned out great! And we love the Andersons, so visiting with them is always fun.
Afterward, Abe and Mike went to help with a move in the ward, and Paige and I took the kids around Temple Square. After Paige left, Abe joined us and we walked around until almost 10pm. The girls had so much fun in the fountains. They kept throwing in pennies to make wishes, and Mary would come up to me and say, “More wishes! More wishes!” It was so cute. She was also enamored with the temple and said “bye-bye” to it about a million times.
When we got home, both girls had a snack before going to bed. I think they were too busy playing during dinner to actually eat, so they were both very hungry.
Since I suffer from social anxiety already, the addition of interpersonal friction is almost too much for me to handle. I know it’s wimpy, but I was just plain scared to go to class yesterday. I asked everyone who would listen for prayers, I put my own name on the temple roll for the first time EVER, and I even did a complete, no-cheat fast. The whole way to school I listened to KLove, and I almost called up their prayer team to pray for me. I was driving, so I thought that dialing might not be smart, but I needed all the help I could get!
While in my anxiety-ridden state, I had two helpful thoughts. 1) I started meditating on John 15. I thought about how Jesus is the vine, and even though I felt like I had absolutely no strength to handle any more friction, my connection to Christ would strengthen me and power me through whatever came my way. 2) I thought about Ezra, one of my favorite OT heroes. I thought about how he and the Jews at the River Ahava had no idea how their story would end, but they made that dangerous trip to the temple in faith. God didn’t let them down. It seems like all people of faith have to turn it over to God and trust that He will write a triumphant conclusion to their stories; yesterday was an opportunity for me to witness God do that for me (even if my situation was a result of my own anxiety and weakness).
And guess what? He DID! The first thing that happened when I got to class was the woman who yelled at me last week smiled a huge smile and greeted me warmly. Then she quietly apologized for her behavior last week. Can you believe it? Who apologizes these days? Practically no one, right? So I considered it a divine miracle, as well as an attestation of her excellent character. The rest of class was enjoyable, and I got to know her a lot better. I found out very endearing things about her, and I felt so happy to have that friction gone.
Looking back, I realize God carried me through that trial. While driving to school, I knew I didn’t have it in me to handle one more stressful interpersonal conflict with Christian love and grace, and I asked Jesus to somehow carry me through or work with me anyway. He took away the problem entirely, and so I didn’t have to deal with 1) scary conflict or 2) my own inability to handle the situation. He inspired my teammate to apologize, and he created opportunities for us to talk and connect. By the time I left, divine love for my teammate was present, natural, and flowing–all due to divine intervention. I love God and all He does for me and my petty problems. Praise Him.
Today wasn’t very dramatic, but I was very happy all day long and thought a lot about what God did for me yesterday. This morning Lydia had a swim lesson, and then we went to the grocery store and came home. Mary is teething and took a five hour nap (!), during which time I napped, cooked dinner, and baked cookies.
We own a wonderful rendition of Rapunzel wherein Rapunzel’s pregnant mother tells her husband that if he doesn’t get her some rapunzel from the sorceress’ garden, she will die.Now, I have had my share of cravings, but I always thought that line was overkill. Well, today I literally ate my words. I honestly felt that if I did not eat chocolate chip cookie dough and chocolate chip cookies, I would die! I have never made chocolate chip cookies so fast in my life, and the funny thing is, while I was madly mixing together ingredients, Lydia decided to give me an out-of-the-blue lecture on my chocolate consumption,
“Mommy, you are a chocolate mommy and you need to try new treats because chocolate is unhealthy. If you eat too much chocolate, Santa will give you coal in your stocking but he will give me, Mary, and Daddy presents. Jesus can help you not eat chocolate. Just ask Him. Remember what Daniel Tiger says? You’ve got to try new things ’cause they might taste goo-ood! See, Mommy? You need to try new things, like kisses…er, not kisses…”
“Like marshmallows, honey?”
“Yes, marshmallows! And candy canes.”
She went on and on like that for approximately half an hour. I listened to the phrase “chocolate mommy” so many times I thought she might actually think I’m part chocolate. At any rate, I was a chocolate mommy today, and I needed cookies. I’m eating another one now.
We had Wendi Rees over for dinner, but alas, I did not take a picture. Christine Hansen and her three kids were supposed to come, but they had strep. Since I had enough food prepared for seven people, I just packed up the leftovers and took them to Christine. We had a lovely visit. I stood outside the whole time because, if you’ve noticed my categories, you will notice we are not all often healthy in this house. As in, I could probably count on my fingers and toes how many days all four of us have been illness free in the past nine months. I don’t want strep in the middle of the summer on top of it all.
I do have pictures from yesterday’s class, though. Sorry, Mom and Grandma! I WILL take more pictures tomorrow!
Abe is about to go to bed without me, so I have to be fast–it’s cooler out tonight, and I want to cuddle.
I took the girls to the playground and then to Lydia’s swim lesson this morning. Then Isabella babysat while I went to the temple. I have been dying to go to the temple, and even though Abe and I are planning to go this Saturday, I just couldn’t wait that long. I had a great experience, and I honestly think that going to the temple is the only thing that helped me keep my resolve to not yell today. When I got home, Lydia tried my patience to the point where I usually yell, but today I didn’t! I figured it was a temple blessing at work.
I made peanut noodles because they were a great catch-all for the fresh produce we got from Chelsea and Derek yesterday.
After dinner, I headed to church for a two hour meeting. I really like the women I work with, but it is SO hard for me to sit through a meeting and not get through the agenda in a time efficient way. Plus, I feel like whenever I do say something, it’s usually the wrong thing. Maybe this will all get better with time, but I came home two hours later discouraged and depleted.
Luckily, Abe had a wonderful Family Home Evening planned. The girls were so cute in their princess pajamas. They started FHE with a fashion show, and then Abe taught us a lesson about gratitude. We threw the beach ball to each other and said things we were grateful for. Lydia said she was grateful for her beautiful home, her family, her mama, daddy, and sister, the Fourth of July, and her cat. (Mary said she was grateful for whatever we told her to say.)
I had plans to work out this morning, but those dissipated in the face of housework.
Last week Misty called me and told me she’d signed Sophia up for swim lessons, and that there were still empty spots left. I signed Lydia up immediately, and they had so much fun today at their first lesson.
Then we came home, ate lunch, and headed down to Orem to visit my friend, Chelsea. The last time I saw Chelsea, she gave me the best salsa I’d ever had. When I told her how much I liked it, she said she’d teach me how to make it during her next canning session. She grew everything herself, and so she cans when all the salsa veggies are ripe. They were ripe today!
We had the BEST time. The whole drive down I felt so happy and excited to spend time with Chelsea. Abe and I talked about this on the way home, and there’s just something extra special about seeing a friend you’ve known in your pre-adult life. I don’t have any of those out here in Utah except for Chelsea, and I feel really happy whenever I get to spend time with her (not often enough).
If spending time with Chelsea weren’t enough, my eyes were also opened today about the possibilities of living in Orem. Chelsea lives exactly eight minutes from Abe’s work, so when he was done I picked him up and we went back to Chelsea and Derek’s house and had amazing Thai food for dinner. Chelsea and Derek loaded us up with canned and fresh produce, and we left feeling so happy, grateful, and blessed. I asked Abe how soon he thought we could sell our condo so we could buy a house near Chelsea and Derek…
Afterward, we headed to the outlets to buy pajamas for Lydia. We’ve spent six months in denial about her pj situation, and it’s finally reached the point where we’ve come to admit: she needs new ones. She spends half the week in her 2T pjs which barely come past her knees. During out outing, we discovered princess pajama dresses. Whoever came up with that must have had Lydia and Mary in mind. I kind of think all the other pj’s we bought might not even get used now that wearing a princess dress to bed is an option. The girls fell asleep before we got home, so I’ll take pictures of the princess pj dress tomorrow.
Today Abe and I both felt sapped of energy, but I still enjoyed the morning. I may not be quitting culinary school, but there’s no need to be a glutton for pain: I AM quitting the competition team, and I have zero qualms about it. I enjoyed my school-free morning treeee-mendously.
Abe took Lydia to ballet while I took Mary on my errands.
Abe took the girls to the park while I cooked meals for a couple families in the ward.
After I delivered the meals, we went on a sloooow bike ride to and around the cemetery. Cemeteries are some of my favorite places, and the Salt Lake Cemetery is gorgeous. We live right by it, and I can’t believe I don’t go there more often.
Abe and I are about to watch a movie. Shirley and Jon are in town and going to come over around 11 pm. We missed seeing them in New York, and their Salt Lake trips are always packed, so we take them whenever we we can get them. We’re so excited to see them soon!
Misty told me this morning that there was a reptile show at the library, so I decided to bring the kids. The only thing is, now that I am trying so hard to be the World’s Nicest Mom, I can’t figure out how to get Lydia to listen. I sat on the steps for half an hour repeating, “Lydia, honey/love/darling/sweetie-pie/babycakes/sugarpop, can you please put on your shoes?” Thirty-five minutes later, she finally complied, and we arrived to the library just in time to see people streaming out. We’d missed the show.
What a great opportunity for a natural consequence, I thought! “Lydia, honey, we missed the show because you wouldn’t listen to Mommy and put on your shoes. Isn’t that sad?”
“Well, Mommy, the reptiles are scary. I don’t want to see reptiles.”
Um, okay. I guess she won all around.
In all seriousness, though, I’d rather miss a million shows and feel powerless and frustrated than know that my daughter feels scared and shamed and sad, which is how I felt when I got yelled at on Wednesday. So Project World’s Nicest Mom continues, and I’ll just have to learn to be more creative and resourceful when it comes to teaching my kids to listen.
After the library, we came home for lunch and quiet time. Afterward, I played play-doh with Lydia for an hour and half while Mary slept on. (Mary took a four hour nap today. It made me nostalgic for times not-so-long-ago when that was just her norm.)
While playing play-doh, I called my mom. Mom, thanks so much for talking with me. I really needed to talk to you, and it was so great to feel loved and understood. Thanks for everything you do for me! I love you.
Anyway, after Mary woke up, we all went outside to pick tomatoes and play in the sprinkler. Mary doesn’t like to get dirty or wet (which character trait seems incongruous with her otherwise adventuresome spirit), but she’ll get wet if I hold her hand. Lydia held the hose and Mary and I raced through a couple times. After about three runs, Lydia asked if we wanted to get wet again. I hesitated, and Mary yelled, “Nooooo!!” We spent the rest of the time drying out in the sun.
In the meantime, Lydia, my little not-so-adventuresome child, loves to get wet and doesn’t seem to notice or care when she’s dirty. She was pretty happy.
Abe and I also went on a date, tonight! We saw Maleficent. Mom, you would love this movie. I don’t know why, but I love it when movies make me cry. This one definitely did. I asked Abe to give this to me for Christmas–I can’t wait to watch it again!
Yesterday was the absolute worst day at cooking school I have ever had. I got yelled at by a teammate, and the chef almost completely lost it at me multiple times. I came home feeling so sick and upset that Abe ended up giving me a blessing at 1:30 am, and then I only slept three hours after that. It was terrible. I would love to quit, but I know sticking with it will build character…so I’m gritting my teeth and going forward, even though this feels like a masochistic exercise.
But I feel better today. Honestly, I spent most of the morning imagining what I should have said to my teammate, and that actually helped me feel better and move on. I actually don’t hold anything against her, but it felt therapeutic to think out an appropriate verbal response to her random, loud verbal attack last night.
Also, I was grateful to be on the receiving end of both just and unjust yelling. It made me resolve with more determination than ever that I will not yell at my children. I sat Lydia down this morning and explained everything that happened last night and why I am sorry I have yelled at her in the past. I then told her I was going to try very, very hard not to yell ever again, but if I did slip, I instructed her to say, “Mommy, your yelling makes me feel sad and scared. Please stop.” I hope this plan works. After the pain of last night, I just can’t bear the thought of my children feeling that degraded and inhuman.
So today was a success! I was more patient than I have ever been in the history of my own parenting, and the kids, for the most part, responded with excellent behavior. I pray, pray, pray God helps me keep this resolve.
After taking the girls to the library and grocery store, we came home. I played play-doh with Lydia for half an hour. Ever since Abe’s FHE, she likes to play “Amalikiah and Moroni’s walls.” In her version, a snake kills Amalikiah–and then a frog kills a snake.
We also had some Primary teachers over for dinner. Actually, Abe used to home teach Lisa and Dustin, so he was extremely excited when he found out which teachers were coming.