My uncle Norman passed away last week and today was his funeral. I took Lydia and Mary, and Lily, who’s back is still hurt, stayed home with Ammon and Clarissa.
I loved catching up with my Darais relatives. They make me so happy. The service was so beautiful. There were flowers, memorabilia, and pictures of Norm everywhere. After a viewing and family prayer, we had the funeral service.
I love funerals so much because they always help me to reflect on the beauty of life and what is most important. I feel I always leave a better person, and that was especially the case because of how inspiring of a person Norm is. Below are some of the highlights of the funeral for me:
- Norm was generous. I list this first because it was the most common theme throughout the whole service. The following examples were mentioned of Norm’s generosity:
- Norm going to work in grubby clothes so he could go straight to his brother Chris’ construction site after work and help him build his new house.
- Norm buying a piano for his granddaughter who wanted play piano, but her parents didn’t have money for a piano.
- Norm letting a neighbor kid do yard work for him as a way for him to pay for his fly-tying class with his son Danny.
- After Norm’s brother Mark suggested crossing the street to avoid a fundraising booth, Norm said, “No Mark, I know how hard it is to raise money, let’s go see what it’s about” and they went to the booth and donated.
- Norm helping his little brother Chris learn how to be a good student in college and taking him to the library early to study with him.
- Norm taking a class that Chris was in as an elective just so he could help tutor Chris in it.
- Norm sharing vegetables in his garden with so many people and even driving long ways to share them.
- The list of kind and generous things Norm did in his life goes on and on an on.
- Norm was a complete perfectionist. He was both an editor (eventually chief editor) and son of Alex Darais (who was an intense perfectionist) so it was no surprise. He would correct he kid’s usage of words and also sometimes had a hard times making a decision due to his perfectionism. There was a hilarious story about how he went shoe shopping and couldn’t decide on a pair of shoes to buy. There was a shoe-salesman helping him and after a long while with shoes and boxes strewn all over the floor, the sales-person said to Norm, “Norm, can you tell me who sold you the pair of shoes you are wearing right now.” Norm looked confused and said, “why would you like to know that?” The salesperson replied, “because I’d like to shake his hand”. I got a great belly laugh out of that story.
- Norm was funny. He loved making puns, and he loved making sure other people understood them even while his beloved wife Judy rolled her eyes.
- Norm was a true intellectual. He had memorized poems, Shakespeare and quotes and he could brilliantly weave them into conversations. He was incredibly well read and attended the Shakespeare festival every year.
- Norm was competitive. There was a great anecdote about how Norman and Chris were the kings of ping-pong on BYU campus, and how people tried to beat them in doubles for 10 years, but nobody ever could.
- Norm loved the beauty of the world. He loved art, and he could even just admire a black piece of glass and would show others how in the sunlight it was actually purple. One of the things that touched me most at the funeral was something that Danny, the closing speaker said. He said that his dad, Norm, saw the beauty in everything around him, but he struggled to see the beauty of the most beautiful thing of all which was himself. Dan expressed remorse for not having had told his dad more often how much he loved him and how beautiful he was, and he asked the audience to memorialize Norm by making sure we are telling the beloved people in our lives they are beautiful and that we loved them. I was so moved by Danny’s words.
- Lastly, I just want to mention how touched I was by the palpable bond between Norm and Judy. Her pain and loss was so vivid, and it was a testament to the deep love she shared with Norm. At the end of the viewing, she got up one last time before they closed the casket to kiss his forehead. She completely broke down in those final moments of the viewing and I just thought about every day they shared together. The life they created together. Just the sacredness of being a part of each others incomings and outgoings and ups and downs. How special love is. I was so moved at what they clearly shared together. I don’t know the details of their relationship, but what I saw was enough to know how deeply they loved, and continue to love each other.
After the funeral was the burial and my dad gave a wonderful grave dedication that was heartfelt and moving. It was preceded by Mark playing “Blowing in the wind” by Bob Dylan on his harmonica. Then we all returned back to the church for a luncheon.
At home I took Georgia home, chatted with her and picked up Spicey Thai. Back at home, I relaxed and spent time with the kids. Ammon and Clarissa did a really cute dance to the Gummy Bear Song:
In the evening, I spoke with my cousin Alexander for almost two and a half hours. He’s going through a really hard time, but the conversation was meaningful for both of us and I’m glad I was able to talk to him.