My fingers are on fire. Well, actually, they just feel like they’re on fire because I chopped a bunch of unusually hot poblanos today. The pain, hours later, is making it so uncomfortable to type that this will be a short post.
After church, I had a chance to talk with Abe about some things that have been on my mind. Actually, we talk about these issues almost daily, and we always go in circles. I’m left with this question: what does it mean to be a humble disciple of Jesus Christ? For example, currently there are a couple social movements within the church where activist members are pushing for change. While I share their confusion (in fact, I am boggled), my primary concern is this: what does Jesus expect of me?
Doesn’t discipleship, at least as its spelled out in the scriptures, mean exerting continual effort to act out of love and kindness? Shouldn’t political issues be ancillary? But when I step out of my own shoes (a heterosexual woman who has zero desire for any church responsibility, least of all the priesthood), and I consider the feelings of those who might feel differently, my heart yearns to respond with love and empathy. I imagine Christ is much more loving and empathetic than I am, and so the plight of those distressed by church doctrine tugs at His heart too.
At the same time, I truly believe this is Christ’s church and that we are led by an actual prophet who receives revelation for the church. I want nothing more than to follow Christ and humbly accept counsel given. The activists among us make the argument that doctrines have changed in the past and can continue to do so; they look hopefully toward the day when change will come. But what if change doesn’t come? What will we do then? Will we leave the church? As Peter said, “Lord, to whom shall we go? Thou has the words of eternal life.”
And so my mind spins and spins, and I am sure I weary out poor Abe (not to mention God) with all of my questions, push-backs, and spiritual wanderings. Like I said, because I can’t solve the issues of the church as a whole, I always come back to the same question: What does it mean to be a humble disciple of Jesus Christ? As a true disciple, should I be actively looking out for those who are different or feel differently than I do? Should I, as a humble disciple, be pushing for change that affects my afflicted brethren and sisters? Or does true discipleship mean humbly, meekly accepting current prophetic direction, waiting patiently on the Lord, and trying my best to be a unifying force in the Kingdom of God?
I guess I’m still searching for the answer there. But trust me, the search is an active one. SO active, that I forgot about my throbbing fingers as I tried to discern answers through typing. (I misplaced my scripture journal a week ago, so this is some of the pent up stuff that would normally go in there.)
Pivoting now towards the actual occurrences of the day, it went like this: church, nap, cook, clean, dinner (with Balu, Swathi’s cousin), Skype with Clark and Swathi, clean, clean, clean, and now blog.
Here are some pictures:
- Below is my first attempt to upload a video. This is of Balu reading Lydia a postcard from her beloved stuffed cat. We misplaced the cat on our India trip, but Clark and Swathi found him and have been sending him around the States on an adventure. Every so often a postcard arrives, and Lydia is currently sleeping with the latest one.
