Yesterday was the absolute worst day at cooking school I have ever had. I got yelled at by a teammate, and the chef almost completely lost it at me multiple times. I came home feeling so sick and upset that Abe ended up giving me a blessing at 1:30 am, and then I only slept three hours after that. It was terrible. I would love to quit, but I know sticking with it will build character…so I’m gritting my teeth and going forward, even though this feels like a masochistic exercise.
But I feel better today. Honestly, I spent most of the morning imagining what I should have said to my teammate, and that actually helped me feel better and move on. I actually don’t hold anything against her, but it felt therapeutic to think out an appropriate verbal response to her random, loud verbal attack last night.
Also, I was grateful to be on the receiving end of both just and unjust yelling. It made me resolve with more determination than ever that I will not yell at my children. I sat Lydia down this morning and explained everything that happened last night and why I am sorry I have yelled at her in the past. I then told her I was going to try very, very hard not to yell ever again, but if I did slip, I instructed her to say, “Mommy, your yelling makes me feel sad and scared. Please stop.” I hope this plan works. After the pain of last night, I just can’t bear the thought of my children feeling that degraded and inhuman.
So today was a success! I was more patient than I have ever been in the history of my own parenting, and the kids, for the most part, responded with excellent behavior. I pray, pray, pray God helps me keep this resolve.
After taking the girls to the library and grocery store, we came home. I played play-doh with Lydia for half an hour. Ever since Abe’s FHE, she likes to play “Amalikiah and Moroni’s walls.” In her version, a snake kills Amalikiah–and then a frog kills a snake.
We also had some Primary teachers over for dinner. Actually, Abe used to home teach Lisa and Dustin, so he was extremely excited when he found out which teachers were coming.