reading to my children – Page 5

A miracle and the aftermath

Since I suffer from social anxiety already, the addition of interpersonal friction is almost too much for me to handle. I know it’s wimpy, but I was just plain scared to go to class yesterday. I asked everyone who would listen for prayers, I put my own name on the temple roll for the first time EVER, and I even did a complete, no-cheat fast. The whole way to school I listened to KLove, and I almost called up their prayer team to pray for me. I was driving, so I thought that dialing might not be smart, but I needed all the help I could get!

While in my anxiety-ridden state, I had two helpful thoughts. 1) I started meditating on John 15. I thought about how Jesus is the vine, and even though I felt like I had absolutely no strength to handle any more friction, my connection to Christ would strengthen me and power me through whatever came my way. 2) I thought about Ezra, one of my favorite OT heroes. I thought about how he and the Jews at the River Ahava had no idea how their story would end, but they made that dangerous trip to the temple in faith. God didn’t let them down. It seems like all people of faith have to turn it over to God and trust that He will write a triumphant conclusion to their stories; yesterday was an opportunity for me to witness God do that for me (even if my situation was a result of my own anxiety and weakness).

And guess what? He DID! The first thing that happened when I got to class was the woman who yelled at me last week smiled a huge smile and greeted me warmly. Then she quietly apologized for her behavior last week. Can you believe it? Who apologizes these days? Practically no one, right? So I considered it a divine miracle, as well as an attestation of her excellent character. The rest of class was enjoyable, and I got to know her a lot better. I found out very endearing things about her, and I felt so happy to have that friction gone.

Looking back, I realize God carried me through that trial. While driving to school, I knew I didn’t have it in me to handle one more stressful interpersonal conflict with Christian love and grace, and I asked Jesus to somehow carry me through or work with me anyway. He took away the problem entirely, and so I didn’t have to deal with 1) scary conflict or 2) my own inability to handle the situation. He inspired my teammate to apologize, and he created opportunities for us to talk and connect. By the time I left, divine love for my teammate was present, natural, and flowing–all due to divine intervention. I love God and all He does for me and my petty problems. Praise Him.

Today wasn’t very dramatic, but I was very happy all day long and thought a lot about what God did for me yesterday. This morning Lydia had a swim lesson, and then we went to the grocery store and came home. Mary is teething and took a five hour nap (!), during which time I napped, cooked dinner, and baked cookies.

We own a wonderful rendition of Rapunzel wherein Rapunzel’s pregnant mother tells her husband that if he doesn’t get her some rapunzel from the sorceress’ garden, she will die. Now, I have had my share of cravings, but I always thought that line was overkill. Well, today I literally ate my words. I honestly felt that if I did not eat chocolate chip cookie dough and chocolate chip cookies, I would die! I have never made chocolate chip cookies so fast in my life, and the funny thing is, while I was madly mixing together ingredients, Lydia decided to give me an out-of-the-blue lecture on my chocolate consumption,

“Mommy, you are a chocolate mommy and you need to try new treats because chocolate is unhealthy. If you eat too much chocolate, Santa will give you coal in your stocking but he will give me, Mary, and Daddy presents. Jesus can help you not eat chocolate. Just ask Him. Remember what Daniel Tiger says? You’ve got to try new things ’cause they might taste goo-ood! See, Mommy? You need to try new things, like kisses…er, not kisses…”

“Like marshmallows, honey?”

“Yes, marshmallows! And candy canes.”

She went on and on like that for approximately half an hour. I listened to the phrase “chocolate mommy” so many times I thought she might actually think I’m part chocolate. At any rate, I was a chocolate mommy today, and I needed cookies. I’m eating another one now.

We had Wendi Rees over for dinner, but alas, I did not take a picture. Christine Hansen and her three kids were supposed to come, but they had strep. Since I had enough food prepared for seven people, I just packed up the leftovers and took them to Christine. We had a lovely visit. I stood outside the whole time because, if you’ve noticed my categories, you will notice we are not all often healthy in this house. As in, I could probably count on my fingers and toes how many days all four of us have been illness free in the past nine months. I don’t want strep in the middle of the summer on top of it all.

I do have pictures from yesterday’s class, though. Sorry, Mom and Grandma! I WILL take more pictures tomorrow!

There's a guy in our class who is a culinary genius. We were just supposed to make panna cotta, but he made a passion fruit panna cotta with a saffron sugared sauce (texture courtesy of agar). i am always in awe of his creations. He not only makes what we're supposed to make, but he creates many extra sauces each class that are all different and fantastically creative. — There’s a guy in our class who is a culinary genius. We were just supposed to make panna cotta, but he made a passion fruit panna cotta with a saffron sugared sauce (texture courtesy of agar). i am always in awe of his creations. He not only makes what we’re supposed to make, but he creates many extra sauces each class that are all different and fantastically creative.

Half of the end of class line-up. I made the panna cotta, the arancini (I just executed the creative guy's vision for the filling), the risotto, and I helped with the osso bucco. — Half of the end of class line-up. I made the panna cotta, the arancini (I just executed the creative guy’s vision for the filling), the risotto, and I helped with the osso bucco.

Here is the line-up after last week's horrible class. I made the eggplant rollatini and the pepper pasta. — Here is the line-up after last week’s horrible class. I made the eggplant rollatini and the pepper pasta. (I also learned how delicate basil is–my garnish wilted on contact with the hot plate…)

Tuesday (because my brain is shot and I can not think of a better title)

Abe is about to go to bed without me, so I have to be fast–it’s cooler out tonight, and I want to cuddle.

I took the girls to the playground and then to Lydia’s swim lesson this morning. Then Isabella babysat while I went to the temple. I have been dying to go to the temple, and even though Abe and I are planning to go this Saturday, I just couldn’t wait that long. I had a great experience, and I honestly think that going to the temple is the only thing that helped me keep my resolve to not yell today. When I got home, Lydia tried my patience to the point where I usually yell, but today I didn’t! I figured it was a temple blessing at work.

I made peanut noodles because they were a great catch-all for the fresh produce we got from Chelsea and Derek yesterday.

After dinner, I headed to church for a two hour meeting. I really like the women I work with, but it is SO hard for me to sit through a meeting and not get through the agenda in a time efficient way. Plus, I feel like whenever I do say something, it’s usually the wrong thing. Maybe this will all get better with time, but I came home two hours later discouraged and depleted.

Luckily, Abe had a wonderful Family Home Evening planned. The girls were so cute in their princess pajamas. They started FHE with a fashion show, and then Abe taught us a lesson about gratitude. We threw the beach ball to each other and said things we were grateful for. Lydia said she was grateful for her beautiful home, her family, her mama, daddy, and sister, the Fourth of July, and her cat. (Mary said she was grateful for whatever we told her to say.)

Abe gets a new calling

Today Abe got sustained as the new Elder’s Quorum President. He will be wonderful, I’m sure. It will mean a lot less time home with family and a lot more time out doing visits and giving service, but this is how I feel: God gave me Abe. If God wants me to give some of Abe back to Him, I’m very happy to do that. As long as my husband is alive and healthy, God can have all the Abe he wants and I will just stand by and be grateful to be married to such a faith-filled man.

I had to conduct Primary today. Even though I’m supposedly a trained teacher, getting up in front of people is hard for me. The children were very nice, though. Josh Geiger, my visiting teachee’s son, was very nice and volunteered to say the opening prayer when I realized our scheduled child wasn’t there. He gave me a reassuring wink as he headed up to the stand, and that made me feel happy. I have an ally in Primary!

We were up until 1:30 am last night visiting with Jon and Shirley, and we enjoyed every second of that. It was so hard to stop chatting, but we finally decided to be responsible and say goodnight after two and a half hours flew by without us even realizing it. They stopped by again for a short visit after church and saw the girls. We are so grateful to have such wonderful friends in our lives.

Mary was naughty and ran into the living room while I played the piano. She's not supposed to leave the kitchen while she's eating, and she gets a real thrill disobeying that rule. — Mary was naughty and ran into the living room while I played the piano. She’s not supposed to leave the kitchen while she’s eating, and she gets a real thrill disobeying that rule.

Abe reading a note from Jon and Shirley after they’d gone. They are the sweetest.

Abe reading a note from Jon and Shirley after they'd gone. They are the sweetest. — Mary was naughty and ran into the living room while I played the piano. She’s not supposed to leave the kitchen while she’s eating, and she gets a real thrill disobeying that rule.

Abe reading a note from Jon and Shirley after they’d gone. They are the sweetest.

August Saturday

Today Abe and I both felt sapped of energy, but I still enjoyed the morning. I may not be quitting culinary school, but there’s no need to be a glutton for pain: I AM quitting the competition team, and I have zero qualms about it. I enjoyed my school-free morning treeee-mendously.

Abe took Lydia to ballet while I took Mary on my errands.

en route to ballet. — En route to ballet.

Abe took the girls to the park while I cooked meals for a couple families in the ward.

At the park in what Lydia calls "the clubhouse." — At the park in what Lydia calls “the clubhouse.”

After I delivered the meals, we went on a sloooow bike ride to and around the cemetery. Cemeteries are some of my favorite places, and the Salt Lake Cemetery is gorgeous. We live right by it, and I can’t believe I don’t go there more often.

Lydia fell asleep on the ride and basically never woke up. We were afraid to wake her without some sort of imminent treat because she is SO grumpy after late naps, so we woke her at 8 pm, force fed her some ice cream, and put her straight back to bed. I don't even know if she realized she ate the ice cream...she was falling over into Abe's lap between bites. — Lydia fell asleep on the ride and basically never woke up. We were afraid to wake her without some sort of imminent treat because she is SO grumpy after late naps, so we woke her at 8 pm, force fed her some ice cream, and put her straight back to bed. I don’t even know if she realized she ate the ice cream…she was falling over into Abe’s lap between bites.

Since Lydia was asleep, Mary got to be an only child for the evening. Abe and I lay down on the grass and played with her for an hour. We were all in heaven. I didn't want it to end, but finally it got dark, and I realized I'd have to put my adorable baby to bed. She was so, so fun to play with. — Since Lydia was asleep, Mary got to be an only child for the evening. Abe and I lay down on the grass and played with her for an hour. We were all in heaven. I didn’t want it to end, but finally it got dark, and I realized I’d have to put my adorable baby to bed. She was so, so fun to play with. She does this cute thing where she wrinkles her face, tilts her head and makes her voice high and nasally for certain words like, “Meow!” “Oh no!” and “Miss Nana!” (I miss Nana!)

Abe and I are about to watch a movie. Shirley and Jon are in town and going to come over around 11 pm. We missed seeing them in New York, and their Salt Lake trips are always packed, so we take them whenever we we can get them. We’re so excited to see them soon!

Natural consequence fail (and Maleficent)

Misty told me this morning that there was a reptile show at the library, so I decided to bring the kids. The only thing is, now that I am trying so hard to be the World’s Nicest Mom, I can’t figure out how to get Lydia to listen. I sat on the steps for half an hour repeating, “Lydia, honey/love/darling/sweetie-pie/babycakes/sugarpop, can you please put on your shoes?” Thirty-five minutes later, she finally complied, and we arrived to the library just in time to see people streaming out. We’d missed the show.

What a great opportunity for a natural consequence, I thought! “Lydia, honey, we missed the show because you wouldn’t listen to Mommy and put on your shoes. Isn’t that sad?”

“Well, Mommy, the reptiles are scary. I don’t want to see reptiles.”

Um, okay. I guess she won all around.

Playing blithely outside the library. No natural consequences, today!

In all seriousness, though, I’d rather miss a million shows and feel powerless and frustrated than know that my daughter feels scared and shamed and sad, which is how I felt when I got yelled at on Wednesday. So Project World’s Nicest Mom continues, and I’ll just have to learn to be more creative and resourceful when it comes to teaching my kids to listen.

After the library, we came home for lunch and quiet time. Afterward, I played play-doh with Lydia for an hour and half while Mary slept on. (Mary took a four hour nap today. It made me nostalgic for times not-so-long-ago when that was just her norm.)

While playing play-doh, I called my mom. Mom, thanks so much for talking with me. I really needed to talk to you, and it was so great to feel loved and understood. Thanks for everything you do for me! I love you.

Anyway, after Mary woke up, we all went outside to pick tomatoes and play in the sprinkler. Mary doesn’t like to get dirty or wet (which character trait seems incongruous with her otherwise adventuresome spirit), but she’ll get wet if I hold her hand. Lydia held the hose and Mary and I raced through a couple times. After about three runs, Lydia asked if we wanted to get wet again. I hesitated, and Mary yelled, “Nooooo!!” We spent the rest of the time drying out in the sun.

In the meantime, Lydia, my little not-so-adventuresome child, loves to get wet and doesn’t seem to notice or care when she’s dirty. She was pretty happy.

Gesturing emphatically that her hands are dirty. This is a problem, people!!

She also didn't appreciate getting her feet dirty. She wanted me to wash them off about twenty times--but not get any other part of her wet (except her hands, which she also wanted washed). — She also didn’t appreciate getting her feet dirty. She wanted me to wash them off about twenty times–but not get any other part of her wet (except her hands, which she also wanted washed).

OUT! (She wants out of the dirty garden.)

Abe and I also went on a date, tonight! We saw Maleficent. Mom, you would love this movie. I don’t know why, but I love it when movies make me cry. This one definitely did. I asked Abe to give this to me for Christmas–I can’t wait to watch it again!

Day WORST at cooking school and the aftermath

Yesterday was the absolute worst day at cooking school I have ever had. I got yelled at by a teammate, and the chef almost completely lost it at me multiple times. I came home feeling so sick and upset that Abe ended up giving me a blessing at 1:30 am, and then I only slept three hours after that. It was terrible. I would love to quit, but I know sticking with it will build character…so I’m gritting my teeth and going forward, even though this feels like a masochistic exercise.

But I feel better today. Honestly, I spent most of the morning imagining what I should have said to my teammate, and that actually helped me feel better and move on. I actually don’t hold anything against her, but it felt therapeutic to think out an appropriate verbal response to her random, loud verbal attack last night.

Also, I was grateful to be on the receiving end of both just and unjust yelling. It made me resolve with more determination than ever that I will not yell at my children. I sat Lydia down this morning and explained everything that happened last night and why I am sorry I have yelled at her in the past. I then told her I was going to try very, very hard not to yell ever again, but if I did slip, I instructed her to say, “Mommy, your yelling makes me feel sad and scared. Please stop.” I hope this plan works. After the pain of last night, I just can’t bear the thought of my children feeling that degraded and inhuman.

So today was a success! I was more patient than I have ever been in the history of my own parenting, and the kids, for the most part, responded with excellent behavior. I pray, pray, pray God helps me keep this resolve.

We woke up and played princess for forty-five minutes before breakfast. The girls were so excited about their Disney gifts from Tom and Suzanne!

I played with my kids a TON today. I was trying to make up for every parental mistake I've ever made...this is "Row, Row Your Boat" in a laundry basket boat. — I played with my kids a TON today. I was trying to make up for every parental mistake I’ve ever made…this is “Row, Row Your Boat” in a laundry basket boat.

After taking the girls to the library and grocery store, we came home. I played play-doh with Lydia for half an hour. Ever since Abe’s FHE, she likes to play “Amalikiah and Moroni’s walls.” In her version, a snake kills Amalikiah–and then a frog kills a snake.

We also had some Primary teachers over for dinner. Actually, Abe used to home teach Lisa and Dustin, so he was extremely excited when he found out which teachers were coming.

Row, row your — Me, Mary, Cathy, and Lisa. I have resolved to photograph at least the people who come over to dinner, because when I review my past blogs quickly, it helps me get a better sense of each day’s events.

Recovery

No 911 calls this morning, and it was a peaceful follow-up to yesterday’s stress. I still feel silly about being so quick to call 911, but I keep telling myself better safe than sorry.

Isabella came over and watched the girls while I worked out and then swam. When I came home, we went to the library for new books. The girls collected prizes for the summer reading program, and then we came home for naps and quiet time. Lydia actually napped today!

She woke up when Sophia, Max and Misty came over for a play date. Waking up from naps is a delicate process for Lydia…but having Sophia over to play with made her transition much easier. They love playing together, and I love talking to Misty, so a play date with Misty and her kids is just optimal for everyone.

After the play date, Mary wanted a turn in the dress.

Here's how Lydia felt about that. — Here’s how Lydia felt about that.

Mary decided the dress was too cumbersome. The two reconciled.

Mary calling Nana and Grandma on the phone.

After our play date, I scrambled to make dinner. Abe insisted on taking a picture.

It seems that ever since starting cooking school, I’ve been too busy to cook at home. Abe was wowed by a salad. I felt remorseful that expectations have sunk so low that a salad elicited such effusive praise. Well, compared to mac ‘n cheese or spaghetti with bottled sauce (the usual, it would seem), I guess this was a step up. Sigh.

Then I went to my Primary meeting. I was just starting to warm up to the calling–I loved the cub scout car wash, and I really enjoyed attending Primary on Sunday…but the meetings. I struggle. I hope/pray that with time I can learn to enjoy them more AND contribute more. Tonight I contributed nothing. At one point, I looked at the clock and let out an exasperated sigh without even realizing what I was doing, and afterward I was soooooooo embarrassed. Yikes!

I came home to discover Abe and the girls Skyping with my mom and getting ready for FHE.

Lydia did a fashion show at the beginning of FHE. Mary is crying because she wants to participate. I forget why she couldn't. — Lydia did a fashion show at the beginning of FHE. Mary is crying because she wants to participate. I forget why she couldn’t.

Abe taught a lesson about Moroni building walls to protect his people.

Lydia was riveted by the story of Amalikiah. She named her post-FHE popsicle "Amalikiah" and wanted us to tell her over and over again why Amalikiah was so mean. — Lydia was riveted by the story of Amalikiah. She named her post-FHE popsicle “Amalikiah” and wanted us to tell her over and over again why Amalikiah was so mean.

We can build our own strong walls with prayer, reading scriptures, and going to the temple. Here's Abe teaching Mary about prayer. — We can build our own strong walls with prayer, reading scriptures, and going to the temple. Here’s Abe teaching Mary about prayer.

And finally, some pictures Abe took while I was at my meeting:

911

At 5:54 am I awoke to the sound of the front door slamming. Abe leaves for work at 5:30 these days, and so I was terrified that someone was in the house. I crept to the stairs and heard light switches going on and off in the house. Convinced there was someone inside, I called 911.

Twenty minutes later, a team of six policemen swarmed the house, only to discover…nothing. I felt so dumb. But I honestly did hear the door slam, and I heard another door slam right before the police arrived. Since Abe and I are missing two full sets of keys, we had all the locks changed today just to be safe. Abe has promised to deadbolt the door behind him when he leaves for work.

To be honest, I still haven’t quite recovered from the adrenaline rush that accompanied lying in bed whispering on the phone with 911 for twenty minutes. It was terrible. I haven’t felt safe since. Also, I’m stressed out that I call 911 so much. This was my fourth call in two and a half years. If I operated 911, I would stop responding to my number’s calls. “Oh, it’s just the hystrionic lady in the Avenues who always thinks she’s under attack. Let’s respond to someone who actually NEEDS help…”

The only times I’ve forgotten the scare today were 1) visiting teaching Marilyn this morning and 2) having dinner with my mission friend, Jen! She’s from France, but her husband is American and they’ve been living in D.C. for the past five years. Jen was a director at Miriam’s kitchen during that time, and the experiences she shared uplifted us so much. We were so inspired by Jen and Chris’s passion for community and homeless-outreach.

Now that they’ve moved to Salt Lake, I’m looking forward to spending more time with Jen. She was also mission companions in Las Vegas with one of Abe’s high school friends, and so for our next get together we’re going to invite the Maudsleys over for dinner and let Katie and Jen reconnect. It’s been almost ten years since our missions!

Here’s a photo Abe took at the end of dinner. Chris was also taking pictures, and Jen and I are each looking at our hubby’s phone.

slow Sunday.

After church we laid low, although we did go outside for a bit to play in the srinklers.

Lydia running to pour the watering can on Abe and Mary.

Lying down for the "sleeping bunnies" song. — Lying down for the “sleeping bunnies” song.

The hopping part of the "sleeping bunnies" song. — The hopping part of the “sleeping bunnies” song.

Sprinklers and Abe anecdotes

This morning we picked up Rose, Taina and Sev and headed over to Nordstrom to pick out some $12 sunglasses. I lose approximately two pairs per summer, and Rose offered to help me pick some. She did a great job, and I am so happy to not be squinting now!

Then we came home, ran through the sprinklers, and had a picnic.

Rose engineered our hose so that it could stay put like a sprinkler.

Mary was afraid of the sprinklers. Therefore, she hung on to me for dear life and didn't appear in any of the sprinkler shots. — Mary was afraid of the sprinklers. Therefore, she hung on to me for dear life and didn’t appear in any of the sprinkler shots.

After naps, Isabella came so I could go swimming and grocery shopping. Then we all ate outside before heading to Baskin Robbins to celebrate the start of the weekend.

Isabella-- Spiderman 2 flavored ice cream (chocolate and colored vanilla with exploding candy bits); Lydia--Very Berry Strawberry; Abe--Gold Medal; Mary--chocolate chip cookie dough; Lily--Mint Chocolate Chip. — Isabella– Spiderman 2 flavored ice cream (chocolate and colored vanilla with exploding candy bits); Lydia–Very Berry Strawberry; Abe–Gold Medal; Mary–chocolate chip cookie dough; Lily–Mint Chocolate Chip. I should also not that this Baskin Robbins is where my visiting teachee, Marilyn, had her first date with her husband many decades ago. It’s stood the test of time!

Afterward, we went to Smith’s to pick out a toy for Liv’s birthday party tomorrow. Abe became passionately attached to a farm toy and went to elaborate lengths to convince me it was the perfect toy. I was convinced. We bought it.

Oh! I forgot to write down a funny thing that happened on Wednesday. We had gone down to Provo to hear Sharon’s talk, and we got lost. It took us forever to find the JFSB (one of the Joseph Smith buildings). Everyone kept saying, “It’s the one with the blue windows–you can’t miss it!” …and Abe and I kept missing it. All of the BYU campus buildings seem to have blue windows. Abe noted that they might have well said, “It’s the building with WALLS–you can’t miss it!”

Anyway, once we got to the building, we wandered all over until we finally found the symposium room. Afterward, as we attempted to navigate the maze out, Abe cried, “Oh, look! A street!!” in the same tone that one might use when saying, “Oh, look! We’re there!!”

This might be the place to note that while my sense of direction is far from stellar, Abe sometimes makes me feel like a professional navigator. That was one of those moments. I took his hand and gently led him back to the car (which was in the opposite direction of the street). We laughed the whole way there.

Also, I wish I could post a picture of Abe’s photo for his public transit pass. I haven’t seen him smile like that for a photo since our wedding day. He is definitely very happy to be free of his drive–he actually jumped out of bed at 5:40 am this morning to make his train. Abe is NOT a morning person, so again: More evidence that what he said tonight must be at least partly true. “Honey, without that drive, every second of my life feels enjoyable!!”

I heart Abe.

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