Today was a good and also very heavy day from work. I had an opening just before 11:00 and I came up for an early lunch. I was delighted to see Lily and the girls having tea time together using this beautiful glass teapot:
Towards the end of my work-day, I talked to Derek, the new employee we are hiring for my team. I interviewed him and loved him a few weeks ago, and today was more of a congratulations and orientation call. I’m excited to have him on my team! His start date is the 22nd of March.
After work, I was feeling super tired, and was thrilled to eat the Thai food that Lily ordered. I’ve discovered the non-creamy curries and they are so so so good (I love cream-based curries too).
After dinner, I took Ammon to the Toyota dealership to try to sell the Carolla (193,110 miles on it). I’m so sentimental, that I have a hard time selling things, but Georgia is letting us use her Subaru now, so I guess there isn’t much need for the Carolla. The dealership said there is not enough demand right now in the used car market and they really don’t have a desire to buy a car with that many miles on it. They said maybe they’d give $1,000, but they really weren’t even interested in buying it and they suggested I list it on KSL.com where I could get $2,000 or $2,500 for it. Either way, that was over a phone call because the used car manager was not at the dealership at the time, and they weren’t interested in scheduling a follow-up appointment, so we drove home.
At home we put the kids down and then Lily and I walked her resignation letter to the Bishop. Lily has tried resigning before, but the request or requests didn’t go through for some reason. The Bishop was friendly and kind as was Lily. It’s really need to see the persistence of warm interpersonal relationships transcending labels or designations of religion. Lily has been tremendously hurt (and blessed) by the church, and she has a lot of anger and hurt surrounding the institution of the church, but people are just people at the end of the day whether or not they are part of certain institutions and it was nice to just feel like we were relating to each other as humans. I read Lily’s resignation letter and there is a spirit of clarity, processing and strength in it. I like the end where Lily articulates that for her whole life, the question of whether or not the church is true has been a focal point that her life has revolved around, and she’s hoping her resignation can help her to emotionally move on from that web she still feels caught in. She is also resigning so she can put her name down to support a lawsuit against the church regarding the church misleading people with regards to tithing.
Lily, I love you, I’m proud of you for your courage to study, research and think so thoroughly, to choose your path according to your morality and judgement even when it’s different than what so many around you are doing, and for your constant efforts to love and affirm others who have chosen to stay in the church. It is a difficult, trauma-laden path you are on, but you are walking it with courage, strength, love and constant progress. I.Love.You. Your letter was beautiful, and I hope you decide to put it on the blog so that we can remember, and your posterity can know the reasons behind such a big decision for you. Lily was worried it was too angry sounding, but the reality is that Lily is angry and hurt and those are just the feelings she is processing right now. She also included a large section in her letter about the blessings and benefits she has received from the church. It is truly complicated and right now she is in the middle of her grieving, feelings of betrayal and otherness/separation, so those feelings are the closest to the surface right now. I believe she couldn’t be authentic, nor could the church know how she’s been affected without those sentiments being displayed.
After the visit to the Bishop, we walked Basil around the block. We were having extreme difficulties because Basil really likes our home, it seems. He never wants to leave. He will sit in our yard, and we can tug and tug the leash and he will just sit there. Earlier today, he just sat there until he started gagging from from me yanking on the leash and then I gave up and just carried him because I didn’t want to hurt him. The hilarious thing is that once we get half-way around the block, he seems to realize that walking is now taking him closer to home and not farther away, and so he really starts to walk and even run after that halfway point.
Tonight when walking him with Lily, Basil was up to his antics again of refusing to move. It has been a recurring problem, not just today. He’s perfect at everything except that he.wont.walk. Tonight I remembered a horse trainer video that my dad showed me a long long time ago when I was growing up. This trainer took a horse that absolutely refused to go in the horse trailer no matter how hard he was pulled. The horse trainer took that horse and simply held the reigns so that the horse was preventing from going in any direction except for the horse trailer. The horse realized it couldn’t go to the side, or to the other side, or backwards, so then on its own, without being pulled, it decided to go in the one direction where it was able to walk, and it went right into the horse trailer.
I tried the same thing with Basil. Instead of tugging the leash and trying to pull him, I prevented him from going backwards, to one side or to the other. Whenever he took a step or more forward, Lily and I would praise him and repeat the process. When he was near our house, progress was very slow, but I made it clear that I would wait forever, and if Basil wanted to move or have anything change, he would need to walk in my direction. Once our home was out of view, he really walked a lot, and again, once we got to the half-way point, he ran the rest of the way home, hahah. It seems he really likes our home. We made it two times around the house. I love that dog!