On Sunday I felt kind of silly sitting at home reading about God instead of being with my family at church. It seemed ridiculous and ironic that I was reading about God instead of supporting my family and connecting with my neighbors!
But I so strongly dislike so much of the language and theology that is used and taught at church. So I don’t know if I want to go and just feel upset for two hours. After church I talked with Abe and said maybe we could work something out where we church hop on fast Sundays and then I’ll go with them on a different Sunday each month, just so we’re not always apart at church.
Abe left on another work trip in the afternoon, which always makes me sad and nervous. I always worry he’s going to get in a car crash or a plane crash or something. It was a bit of a tough evening, and the kids felt it too. After they were tucked in, I heard Mary crying in her room so I checked on her. I asked why she was crying and she sobbed that she didn’t know. She was just sad. So I gave her long cuddles and explained to her and Lydia that I’ve been on steroids all week for my foot, that steroids sometimes make you angry or aggressive, and that I’m sorry for being unpleasant so much. Mary kept saying that wasn’t the reason she was crying, but I felt really guilty because I’m sure all of the negative energy I’ve been putting out gets absorbed by my family on some level. Anyway, after everyone was happy again I went back and watched Mormon stories interviews until past midnight. The history of the Church is so, so bizarre and fascinating. I could barely close my computer because I was totally riveted.